Weddingbee Blog

So I’m sure I’m not the only one who has those weird out-of-body experiences where you don’t recognize yourself. Usually you’re looking into the mirror and all of a sudden you think, “Wait, is that me? Is that really what I look like?” All of a sudden, the face and body you’ve known for years becomes almost unrecognizable, and it’s difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that this body is, in fact, yours.

Every once in a while, I have those experiences. They’re weird enough, and I wish I could say that it only happens with myself. But sometimes, it happens with Mr. Parasol. A few times, when we’re doing something boring like sitting on the couch and watching TV, I’ll look over at him and blurt out, “Woah, are you really my boyfriend? Really?” It’s a strange feeling, looking over at the person you’ve spent years of your life with and feeling like you don’t even recognize him. What was once familiar is now completely foreign, and everything just feels so out of sync. Mr. Parasol always has a good laugh and teases me, and thankfully, the feeling of disconnect usually quickly passes.

But I’ve discovered that these feelings of dissociation have also started to rear their ugly heads at another particular moment:

when Mr. Parasol and I are reunited after being separated for a significant amount of time. It first happened last summer, when I went back to California for a few weeks to visit my family, and Mr. Parasol stayed behind in New York to work and take the LSAT. I was so excited to see him again, but as soon as I saw him waiting for me by the baggage claim, I got that weird feeling like I didn’t know or recognize him. And unfortunately, these feelings of disconnect didn’t pass as quickly as they usually do; no, it took me a few hours, maybe even a full day, to get completely comfortable with Mr. Parasol again and feel like our life together is, in fact, normal.

I actually think it kind of makes sense that I feel this way. When Mr. Parasol and I are together, we are together. If we could spend every waking moment in each others’ presence, we would. So going from being together all the time to not being together at all and then back again, it’s kind of a shock to me, and I guess it just takes me some time to feel comfortable with Mr. Parasol being physically present every day aging. I wish I could say it’s easy for me to jump right back into things, that I immediately feel comfortable cuddling on the couch and stealing kisses. But Mr. Parasol and I have learned we need to dip our toes in the water and ease back into things first. We start by holding hands and reconnecting emotionally and slowly work our way back to normalcy.

All of this is to say that I am so thankful that Mr. Parasol will be flying up for our wedding two days before the big day. We haven’t seen each other in over a month, and I knew I would probably be an anxious mess if he didn’t fly up until our wedding day and we didn’t see each other until our first look (oh yeah, we’re doing that). Knowing myself, I may need a little bit of time with Mr. Parasol to feel completely comfortable with “us” again. And I seriously don’t want my dad (or officiant, remember?) to tell Mr. Parasol, “You may now kiss your bride” and for me to respond, “No, that’s OK. I’m really more comfortable just holding hands right now.” I want to feel like my normal self around Mr. Parasol again, and my normal self will want to give him a big kiss!

Let’s just say I am completely over this whole long distance thing right now. I’m unbelievably excited that it’s finally going to come to an end very soon!

Do you ever have those “do I know you?” moments around your significant other? How do you get comfortable with each other after being separated for a significant amount of time?