Weddingbee Blog

On Saturday, September 10th, Mr. Ball Cap and I attended our Special PreCana marriage preparation class. The Archdiocese of Chicago requires a marriage preparation course in order to receive the sacrament of Matrimony. We were able to choose from two courses: PreCana or Special PreCana.

Family Ministries.org describes the classes as follows:

PreCana is designed for engaged couples in their twenties with no special concerns. They are designed to cover topics that will help you in your married life.

Special PreCana is recommended for couples if one or both are at least 30 years of age or older; or for those who were previously married, or for couples who are living together, or are civilly married for less than six months. This class utilizes the dynamics of regular PreCana, but more emphasis is placed on the areas of married life to which the more experienced couple can relate.

Through short talks, sharing of the facilitator’s own experiences, group exercises and personal reflection, engaged couples are guided through topics useful for a successful future marriage. Some of the topics presented are: the changing nature of marriage, personal growth, and couple adjustment, mutual decision-making, the elements of effective communication, conflict management, intimacy and sexual expression, financial planning, sacramentality, goal setting, the extended family, where to find help and counseling for marriage, and interfaith marriage.

Because Mr. BC and I are both in our 30s and we are living together, we chose to attend the Special PreCana class.

Our one-day class was held at St. Walter in Chicago from 9 - 4:30. We were given a book, A Marriage in the Lord, that we used during the day. The details the topics mentioned above and has worksheets and questions to facilitate dialogue between you and your partner.

A married couple, Judy and Dennis, led our group of 40 couples for the day. They have been married for over 25 years and were the nicest people. They led us in prayer before we started, after lunch and again before we departed for the day. They shared a lot of their own personal stories and created a friendly and open atmosphere so everyone felt safe to share their stories as well. They even commented at the end of the day that they had never had so much group participation before - and they have been doing this for ten years!

We started the day by filling out worksheets that discussed the significant events and people in our lives. We then shared our answers with each other as a couple. Next we used worksheets with over 180 listed words and circled the words that best described ourselves and put a check next to those words which best described our partners. We again shared our answers with each other as a couple. I liked these exercises because it allowed you to see what your partner really thought. Mr. BC and I were very close on the words we chose and I can’t say there were any major surprises. We would have a lot more talking to do if he had checked belligerent, hypocritical or irritating!

The group spent a lot of time on communication and money. Mr. BC and I had the money discussion early on and we have a really good system that works for us. I guess me being an accountant probably helps us in that area. I definitely was most interested in the communication portion of the day. Our first year living together was a big adjustment for the both of us and we really have had to learn how to communicate effectively with one another. How to argue the right way was another great discussion - yes, there is a right way!

I have to say that I was expecting a lot more discussion on the Catholic faith and the role that plays in a marriage. The book touches on this, but we never really got into it in depth during the discussions of the day. Our leaders briefly mentioned natural family planning and where to find more information about that, as well as statistics about abuse in relationships. It was clear they were required to mention these, but we didn’t spend any length of time on them.

The topic of sexuality was discussed as well but the focus was more on intimacy in a marriage and how your relationship will have peaks and valleys in this area and that you have to continue to always work on it.

Overall, I really enjoyed the day. We met some great couples and I was really pleased with our group leaders. It is always nice to hear other couples’ experiences and learn ways you can better your relationship.

We finished off the day by writing love letters to each other. I got a little choked up writing mine so I didn’t want us to swap them while we were still there. Mr. BC wanted me to read his right away so we swapped once we got to the car and I bawled my eyes out. Some of the things discussed during the day really got me thinking on how I want to improve and be a better partner to Mr. BC and it got me a little worked up. Also, we realized we had never written love letters to one another! Sure there have been cards and notes over the years, but no full page letters. It was such a good way to wrap up our experience.

I know a lot of people aren’t sure what PreCana is before having experienced it, or are maybe even annoyed that they have to take a class before the church will let them marry, but I have to say I’m glad they require it. It was surprising to hear how many couples had never even discussed some really important issues at this point in their relationship. The one thing the leaders kept pushing was that there is no black and white answers, (you as a couple have to figure out what works best for your relationship), and they hoped the topics we touched on provided a good starting point for some important, and valuable discussions.

Were you required to take a marriage preparation class? Did you have a positive experience?