Sneaky Jealousy Spiral

Sneaky Jealousy Spiral

September 19th, 2011 @ 5:33 pm by Miss Warbler
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I’ve put off writing this post for a while because, well, it’s a little embarrassing. And petty—very petty. What am I talking about? Wedding jealousy. We all feel it from time to time. It usually starts off as a small twinge that you can brush off. But it continues to grow until you have to deal with it. Hive, I admit to falling prey to the green-eyed monster.

When Mr. Warbs proposed, I was ecstatic. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone. But, I was a little hesitant to announce it at work for a couple of reasons. I didn’t want to be known as the “look at me!” coworker. You know the one—they tell you every detail of their life, whether you ask or not. Also, I wanted to contain the information as I was not planning on inviting the whole office to the wedding. So when I got to work the day after the proposal, I didn’t say anything. It killed me. When I got home, Mr. Warbs encouraged me to just tell a few people on my team so I could squeal with glee. But before I could tell anyone, one of my co-workers returned from her vacation in Rome with big news: she had just gotten engaged. In freaking ROME.

Image via Robot Reviews / Credit: Pixar

She excitedly rushed over to tell me the news, and all I could squeak out was, “Congratulations…me too!” I was so frustrated that I hadn’t shared my engagement news first, because 1) there’s no competing with Rome, and 2) I would now be the “Me too! Me too!” girl. A part of me knew I should have been excited that I had someone else to share wedding-planning adventures with (this was before I found the hive!), but I was just downright jealous. I felt like she had stolen my thunder. Ridiculous, right? That, my friends, is the power of the green-eyed monster. Even though you know you’re being crazy, you can’t help falling into the spiral. The same week as our engagements, another coworker announced she was pregnant, and baby talk soon replaced wedding talk. Ha! Eventually, I sucked it up and got over it. But seven months later, I can’t help but feel the jealousy flare up every time someone else gets newly engaged.

What about you, hive? Does anyone else go through fits of wedding jealousy?

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26 Responses to “Sneaky Jealousy Spiral”

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Bee

Miss Ticket (message) 475 posts, Helper bee

Both of Mr. Ticket’s brothers proposed to their then girlfriends within 2 months prior to our proposal. I was going out of my mind with jealousy for those 2 months. I wanted to be engaged SO BAD! I feel ya on the green eyed monster. May I also add that I am just LOVING all the Disney references today from bee’s.

9/19/11 @ 5:53 pm (reply)

Member

TinyTina (message) 3,312 posts, Sugar bee

Ugh, I had serious engagement jealously. FI and I were together for 5 years before he proposed so any time someone younger than me or a couple who had been together less time than FI and I got engaged it really sent me over the edge. I’m so over it now, but oh man I totally understand how you were feeling!!

9/19/11 @ 6:17 pm (reply)

Guest

MySunshine

I read the Rome part and was like ‘WHAAAAT!!’

That stinks!

FI and I are a little behind the curve so while everyone else has gotten married and had kids we are just getting started - so we get loads of attention

9/19/11 @ 6:17 pm (reply)

Member

HombrewHelper (message) 4 posts, Wannabee

I had some extreme wedding jealousy myself, but most of my friends found it completely justified. I had been engaged for about five or six months and we had about a 1 1/2 year engagement because we bought a house first. My much younger cousin got engaged and was married about three months later-thus, stealing my thunder. Three months after she got married, she announced that she was pregnant and her due date was…10 days before my wedding. Stealing my thunder yet again. Almost. They ended up not coming to our wedding because, well, driving across the country with a 10 day old baby to attend a wedding is a bad idea. It may sound horrible, but we were actually both really glad they didn’t come. I was so afraid that all of my relatives on that side weren’t going to remember anything about our wonderful wedding except the fact that this oh so cute newborn was there. You’re not alone. I felt ridiculous, too, and was soooo jealous of all of the attention she was getting, when I felt like the year should have been about us.

9/19/11 @ 6:22 pm (reply)

Member

ruffledbride (message) 55 posts, Worker bee

I feel ya. We were together for almost 9 years by the time we got engaged, it will be 10 years by the time of the wedding. So up to the point of our engagement….everything sent me over the edge haha. But just remember…yah she got engaged in Rome, that’s cool and all but YOU are Miss Warbler on Weddingbee and get to talk about your planning and beautiful wedding for many to read… so SHE should be jealous of you my dear

9/19/11 @ 6:44 pm (reply)

Member

Coffee cup (message) 1,839 posts, Buzzing bee

The green-eyed monster! Now I have a cute name for it. And yes he has paid a couple of visits.

9/19/11 @ 6:54 pm (reply)

Member

glaca (message) 371 posts, Helper bee

Thank you for touching on a touchy subject. I think finding out that a cousin paid a wedding planner more than our entire budget and bought a dress that cost more than our budget made me frustrated every time a family member would ask if we too were having a huge band and carriage and filets. Now that I know that we’re having the perfect wedding for us I’m truly happy, but those envy moments are hard to ignore.

9/19/11 @ 7:02 pm (reply)

Member

FutureMrsEdwards420 (message) 81 posts, Worker bee

I was one of those girls who doesn’t like to show-off so when I got engaged, I told one male coworker and he told everyone else. Then a week after that he suddenly felt like he wanted to propose and bought a ring very similar to mine and proposed. I was sooo confused but I wanted to be happy for him. And I didn’t wanna admit that I had caught the green eyed monster. But I had it bad…everytime someone asks him about his fiance, I got annoyed. The feeling is hard to shake. So I completely understand, I think we all go through it.

9/19/11 @ 7:05 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Warbler (message) 154 posts, Blushing bee

@Miss Ticket: Disney is relevant in everything!@HombrewHelper: It doesn’t sound horrible, I completely understand. Glad to see I’m not the only one!
@ruffledbride: Thank you Ruffled!

9/19/11 @ 7:15 pm (reply)

10.

Member

firebugj16 (message) 101 posts, Blushing bee

Urg I feel your pain too. My cousin and his FI got engaged 3 months before we did and they were having major issues picking a season and location to get married. My FI and I knew exactly where and when (he’s a coach and teacher so there’s only a small window of opportunity lol). We picked a Saturday in June, only to have my cousin pick the Saturday a week before us. I feel like I’m in competition with the wedding thunder the week before that half of my family will be at.

9/19/11 @ 7:59 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Future Army Wife (message) 1,102 posts, Bumble bee

I didn’t really have jealousy, per se. I was super happy for all my friends who have gotten engaged after me. I just feel like not all of them should have, so I have mixed opinions. Very similar to @FutureMrsEdwards420.

9/19/11 @ 9:57 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Skunk (message) 120 posts, Blushing bee

I get so frustrated with DIY stuff; I always think I should be good at it, but I get so impatient. When I see beautiful projects, I get super jealous!!!

9/19/11 @ 10:13 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Ms. Anemone (message) 624 posts, Busy bee

Okay… does this post title stem from Hyperbole and a Half’s ‘Sneaky Hate Spiral’?
If so, big high-five to you, Warbs!

9/20/11 @ 1:46 am (reply)

14.

Member

XOexpat (message) 38 posts, Newbee

Ah, you have been, as I like to call it, ROCK BLOCKED! I recently wrote a post about my own experience being rock blocked. (http://xoexpatbride.tumblr.com/post/10414291168/a-girls-best-friend)

I couldn’t talk about my engagement at work because then all my students would know I was going to be moving, so I had to keep mum while my coworker got to reminisce about her beautiful wedding…

Also, Sneaky Hate Spiral or Jealousy Spiral, we’ve all been there! Congratulations to you and your fiance.

9/20/11 @ 3:53 am (reply)

15.

Member

rosewater7 (message) 32 posts, Newbee

Ugh. I feel ya, Miss Warbler. That feeling of not wanting to be jealous but still being unable to help it is something I’m all too familiar with!

I love my fiance more than anything and am so happy with him, but planning surprises is not one of his strong suits - in other words, we had a lovely and quiet engagement. I feel simultaneously guilty but also a just little justified when those pangs of jealousy hit whenever I hear about other intricate big surprise engagements, including his brother’s engagement a bit later which was this HUGE orchestration that involved lots of people. Plus, my parents initial reaction to our engagement was pretty lukewarm and unexcited, which made me not want to tell my best friend right away who then got really mad at me for not telling her right away. (Ah!)

For these reasons I too was pretty unexcited to announce at work, and it totally blows that someone else stole your thunder.

However all of that fades over time, and as you start your wedding planning and having fun with it, you’ll forget all about it! I’m not even bothered (anymore) that my FI’s bro’s wedding is a few weeks after ours. Your wedding is your day to create and enjoy, so have fun with it!

And congratulations on YOUR engagement!

9/20/11 @ 3:58 am (reply)

16.

Guest

Villa Manuel

Interesting post. Disney is relevant in everything! beautiful

9/20/11 @ 4:11 am (reply)

17.

Guest

omni

I’m planning my wedding now, I’ve had plenty of friends marry before me and I have plenty of friends who are not engaged yet. I’ve never gotten jealous over someone’s wedding and never gotten jealous of someone’s engagement. Certainly never felt like someone’s engagement was better than mine, I don’t care if they got engaged on the moon. It’s not a competition and it’s not a race. It’s not even an “event” per se unless you make it one — it’s a lifelong commitment. No reason to be envious over someone else’s lifelong commitment when you have one yourself.

9/20/11 @ 5:36 am (reply)

18.

Guest

Jessica

I’m on the other end…..My bff is engaged and planning and all of her fiance’s friends are engaged and planning……Its nice that she gets to talk wedding planning with them, but when we’re together its all we talk about. I feel so left out..

9/20/11 @ 5:50 am (reply)

19.

Member

acingthelace (message) 555 posts, Busy bee

I felt the same way as PPs who said that when people dating less than we were engaged got engaged it really burned me. We were going on 5 years and I knew the engagement was close. One day last October I told myself that I felt like we were the next couple in our group to get engaged. It made sense–every other couple had only been together for a year or less (except for maybe one or 2 couples). Well, one of the year-or-less couples got engaged 2 days later and announced it at one of our events. I was livid but tried to hide my jealousy. Another set of friends got engaged just a couple of months after us. They have been together a long time but he didn’t seem like he was close to proposing. All of the sudden, when we get engaged, that’s when he got the ball rolling. You’re welcome, gf of that guy, lol.

9/20/11 @ 5:55 am (reply)

20.

Member

Miss Terrier (message) 28 posts, Newbee

My fiance and I were together for 13 years before we got engaged…so, the green monster definitely came out many times for me!!! The worst was when my cousin was dating her boyfriend for 6 months and they got enagaged…

9/20/11 @ 7:15 am (reply)

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