Weddingbee Blog

I kept writing and rewriting this post, and it kept saying something different every time.

What I really want to touch on is how this will be mine and Mr. Foxy’s wedding, nobody else’s. Not our parents’, not our friends’, not the critics on all those wedding resources out there’s.

Ours. And we’ll do what we want. And I will not care what other people think. (Must repeat this over and over.)

The problem is that all too often, I do care about what other people think. I want other people to love our wedding as much as I love it. However (and this has been a long time coming for me to accept), that is basically impossible. What I love, someone else will inevitably find “tacky.” What I think is cute and quaint (and budget friendly), someone else will find “cheap.” Different people have different opinions, and that’s that. My recent realization and kick-butt attitude is now “Foxy and I will do what we want to do, not what your etiquette book or magazine or online forum tells us to.”

Booya.

A little background so you get a feel for where I’m coming from:

I grew up on Long Island, and most weddings there are pretty ritzy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it’s just that I grew up thinking that weddings had to be a certain way. The ceremony takes place in a church with massive amounts of flowers, and the reception is a big affair with a cocktail hour and centerpieces and a big dance floor and a sit-down dinner and drinks and food everywhere. Oh, and lots of electric slides and macarenas. Kind of the “more money = better wedding” mentality.

Don’t get me wrong—these weddings are seriously great. I totally love going to them. I just knew that something about it felt off to me, and it wasn’t really what I personally wanted when I got married. But I didn’t think I had a choice—this was what weddings were.

Then I went to a wedding at a vineyard, and while it was still on Long Island, it started to change my view on how and where I could eventually get married. The couple was wed outside in front of the grapevines—don’t ask me why, but this never occurred to me, to get married somewhere besides the church I grew up going to (and lived next door to). I started to realize there isn’t a set formula to all weddings, that just because I was brought up with a certain perception of how weddings (and parties) are in a certain area doesn’t mean I have to hold true to them. (In other words: options!)

A month later, I moved to Maryland and Foxy and I attended a slew of weddings the following summer, each light years different from the next.

This was really the best thing for me. We went to a super-fancy wedding on the water on Long Island, a more casual backyard one in Michigan, and a pretty standard church and catering-hall-reception one in upstate New York. We unfortunately had to miss a second one in upstate New York, this time at a winery—they did the coolest thing and rented a BBQ pit and grilled chicken on it, in front of everyone. I’m so bummed we couldn’t make it…it really seemed like the exact kind of thing I’d love to have for our wedding.

Anyway, the point of this is my perception of weddings changed drastically from just a few years ago. With the help of several wedding resources and a mini-reflection on our lives, Foxy and I have been able to pull together an idea of what we want for ourselves, on a budget that works for us. It doesn’t exactly agree with all of said resources out there, or even with some of my friends and family for that matter (more to come on that). I’ve grown to kind of throw “weddiquette” out the door because, really? It’s our wedding, and we’ll decide what to do and what not to do. The end.

Now I just have to keep repeating that to myself, especially in the next eight-plus months!

Is this something you’ve struggled with as well? Have you found your ideas and perceptions about wedding celebrations have changed over time?