Weddingbee Blog

So now that you know us, how we met, how we became engaged to be married, and how we made our save-the-date cards, it’s time to tell you about something a little less rosy. Something that was painful and hard, but in the end made us who we are as a couple. The LDR. That’s right. The Long Distance Relationship.

As I mentioned earlier, we lived an hour (56 minutes) apart for the first year of dating. While this was a bit of a haul, it was in no way as long as it would eventually get. It was actually a nice way for a mildly obsessive person like me to start off a real “grownup” relationship. There was no smothering on either end. We had plenty of time to ourselves but also got to see each other a few times a week. Win win.

However, as fall turned to winter and then slowly to spring, I was faced with a dilemma. You see, I was a student, 20 at the time and approaching the end of my junior year. In the program I was in this meant an internship. I should also mention that I was studying apparel merchandising, and while the program was great, the eastern South Dakota area is not exactly a fashion hub (shocking!).

Now, Mr. Aardvark was a real live grownup at 28 (more on the age gap later) with a real live job, and he had been out of school and working for some time. He was well established in his job, and I was not about to ask him to pick up and move for my summer internship. I was not sure what I was about to ask…

We decided the best course of action would be to not talk about it too much and just see what happened. I know this sounds like a recipe for disaster…but it worked. I left in early June for Wisconsin, seven hours from my man. (I know, I know, still not a fashion hub, but I had scored an internship with the “best bicycle company in the world” in their apparel department. As a cyclist and a clothing person I could not pass that up.)

In the first couple days we spent a lot of time on the phone. I told him that I really liked it out here. I liked the job and the people I was working with. I told him I was thinking this might be a good place for me after graduation. I remember very clearly the next part of the phone call. He said, “If you think you could get a full-time job there, don’t let us hold you back.”

I froze. Was he dumping me? Was it over just like that? There was a silence on the line that felt like years. He started to speak again: “I have been here for three years. It’s a good job, but I don’t want to stay in this town forever. When I started I told myself three to five years, so…I would be willing to look for work out there if you got a job.”

Cue the world’s biggest sigh of relief. That moment was brief, but it set the course for the coming years.

The next three months were hard. Really hard. We visited each other a few times and wrote lots of letters. I really recommend the paper letter for anyone in an LDR. There is something so nice about having a piece of paper that your beloved actually sat with while thinking about you and spent time writing on. Sending them is fun, too. There is something so much more romantic about walking to the mailbox with a love letter as opposed to a bill. While the distance was hard, the job was amazing; I left requesting a full-time position and was told they would let me know.

We grew a lot as a couple in that three months. As hard as it was, it was over quickly and we were back together, give or take 56 minutes. I would have all the credits I need to graduate in December and decided that would be the way to go. If you recall, in December of 2009 the job market was bleak for everyone. Especially new graduates. Somehow I lucked out. On Thanksgiving weekend I got an email from the company I was interning for. They wanted me back! And at a real salary!! Talk about something to be thankful for!

However, this meant leaving Mr. Aardvark, again. Knowing how hard it had been made it even harder. Not knowing when the LD part of our LDR would end was worse. There were more letters, more visits, and many more tears than the first time. There was also serious talk about marriage for the first time in our relationship. There was lots that I learned about myself, Mr. Aardvark, and the nature of love during this time. After 14 months of him looking, and not finding, a job out here, he decided (after lots of begging by me) to try his luck in person. The plan was he would quit his job, move in with me, and continue his job hunt here. However, when he tried to put in his two weeks’ notice, his boss offered to let him keep his job and work remotely from Wisconsin at least short term while they finished the project he was on. Amazing!

Two weeks later he was moved into my new apartment and even had his own office space. The wait was over. As a side note, it was less than a month after that when he got a great job offer at a local company. We did have to move once more, but the job security was worth it.

The thing about long-distance relationships is this: they will amplify and accelerate the whole thing. Any little weakness will become a huge crack, but any strength will become so much stronger. It would have taken years to learn what we learned in those 14 months. The hard side of love, I called it. I told my cousin once that I knew it was real because there was an easy option but I would take the hard road any day if it meant I could take it with Mr. Aardvark.

Did you have an LDR? How did you get through?