Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Current/future moms, or anyone that thinks they’ll have a child in the future: What is something you wish you did before you had your baby, or something you plan to do before you have a baby? What is something you did before baby that you’re so thankful you did?

I’ll be finishing my doctorate before we consider having kids. I think that’s very important for me because I want to devote more of myself and my time to our family—not so much to school, as it is now. I’m thankful to be almost done with that, so that Mr. MJ and I can give this giant step more serious thought. In general, I am thankful that we have both gotten started in our careers, become settled in a nice home, paid off debts, and started saving for the future. Bringing kids in to a stable environment really eases many worries I’d have otherwise had.

Mr P and I wanted to be together at least a year before starting a family. We’re both in our thirties with me closer to mid-thirties. We know that we don’t want to put off starting our family for too long but we also didn’t want to jump in immediately after saying “I Do.” We also decided to do some travel. We decided traveling to Italy would be easier to do before getting pregnant. I mean it would be a shame to skip all that amazing Italian wine, right? But we also determined that Hawaii would be a good trip to do as a babymoon or with an infant so we aren’t super focused on getting to Hawaii before making mini-pretzels.

I am the perfect example of someone who was married to timelines prior to having kids…think Rachel in the 30th birthday episode of Friends where she talks about Marrying the Plan. (For those of you at work…she basically wants three kids, and wants to have her first by 35, but she wants to be married at least a year before having a kid and she wants to be engaged for a year and a half and she wants to know the guy for a year and a half before getting engaged which means she needs to meet the guy when she’s…30).

So, yeah, I was married to my plan…and being an older bride, my plan timeframe was getting shorter and shorter and shorter. So…what do I wish I did before I had my baby, a mere 2 years after I got married? I wish I had been married longer. I wish we had had more than a year to just hang out and not be trying to make babies. BUT, and this is a big but…I truly feel like there isn’t really much I could have done. Sure, I could have relaxed the baby-by-34 plan…but as far as the amount of time with my husband…well, I would have had to meet him sooner than I did, and let’s be realistic…I was nowhere near ready to meet him any earlier than I did.

Of course, now that I HAVE a kid (and another one on the way) I can tell you I have slipped from my former married-to-the-plan mentality. Not only have I realized that things will happen when they happen…but I have also realized that having kids doesn’t force you to live in a hole where you can’t ever do anything fun again. For instance, just this past May, my mother-in-law drove 10 hours to stay with our son while we jetted off to Portugal for some adults-only time. Did I miss my son? Absolutely. Did I have a blast with my husband in Portugal? Hellllll yes!!

So maybe the thing I am most thankful that I did before having a baby is sticking to the plan…because in the end, plan or no plan, I still haven’t missed out on a thing and I have an awesome two-year-old to boot.

We’re reasonably young, so we don’t feel the pressure to have kids any time soon. Like Cardigan, we want to accomplish quite a few things together before we start a family, such as study, travel, etc. In saying that, we both grew up in families that proved that it was possible to do a lot of study and travel with kids. So, basically our plan is to not plan too much at this stage. Ideally, we want to spend a few years just enjoying being married, but we dont feel that kids are going to throw a huge spanner in the works if they come at a time we dont expect. It would be nice of course to have some solid savings before kids, but, again, that is a want for us rather than a necessity.

We’re still pretty young, so we want to spend as much time as possible being selfish together before we have kids! We want to spend some time building a solid savings account (because I’d really like to stay at home once we start having kids) and we want to do a lot of travelling!

When our kids get older, we want to be able to tell them tons of fun stories of all of the things we did before they were born—we want to live a good, full life as a couple before we bring anyone else into the mix!

It’s confession time: we’ve actually been TTC for quite a few months now! I suffer from PCOS and a few other infertility issues, and we’ve been officially on the baby bandwagon since then. No luck yet, I’m afraid.

On that note though, there are some things we’re experiencing/have experienced before pregnancy happens —we got through the wedding, of course, but we’re also mid-way through building our first home. Despite hoping to fall pregnant ASAP, it would also be great to get to experience moving in and getting settled in the brand new place early next year as just the two of us. We’ve also got to travel with no restrictions for quite some time now, which we’ll take as a blessing too.

Keep your fingers crossed for us!

For us, it was really important that we were both on a positive career track (finished with grad school, etc), in good financial standing, and in a good place together as a couple. We felt like if we had those three major things under our belt, life would be a little less stressful with the welcome addition of a 3rd member. As for travel, etc my family always traveled with us, including to other countries, so I never thought that a child would hinder that. In fact, I’m looking forward to sharing trips together as a family.

We’ve been lucky in that we’ve had 10 years together to experience each other and the world together. I’ve always dreamed of taking a trip with my aunts, cousins, and mother to Ireland. I would say that although it would have been lovely going without a child, it’s not impossible to do it with the baby either.

I hate to live my life with any regrets. No matter what happens after the baby comes I know I’ll always find a way to accomplish what I want, in my own way.

Mr. Lox and I met a little bit later in life and after at least one failed marriage in each of our pasts. I mean, I wish I could have met him instead of my first husband so that we would have time to be selfish and just enjoy each other before kids. I do. But the thing is, we’re hoping that doesn’t turn out to be the case. While I could happily live a lifetime with just him, there is so much more we want for our lives together. And due to where we are in life now, it’s time to start going for it.

So, wishing for a time machine to meet him earlier in life is not really productive. And it doesn’t guarantee that we would have ended up together either! But if I had one wish, that would be it. Otherwise, we are ready to go.

Good question. I wanted the perfect package before we even started the whole baby train, but my wants lists was not in line with reality. I wanted a new job closer to where Mr. Peep works so we could buy a house and be settled. But the reality—my maternity leave at my current job is crazy awesome and our current neighborhood is as baby friendly as it comes.

So we’re expecting a baby in a one-bedroom apartment in the City, but the upside is that I get 6 months maternity leave. Once I realized that people do get new jobs and buy houses after they have a baby, I was on board.

One other thing—make sure that both you and your partner are 100% on the same page before you take the plunge into pregnancy and babies. Those first few months of pregnancy were tough, and I wondered what the hell we were doing, but my husband was a rock star. His support meant the world to me—and I now know that he’s going to rock it as a dad!!

Mr. CA and I are set on being financially stable before we have a child. Mr. CA has a lot of student loans that we need to pay off, and he’ll be starting at a big law firm in about a month, which means he will be working long, stressful days for a few years. Not an ideal environment for a baby.

We also want to be able to enjoy being newlyweds—take a few trips, enjoy spontaneous date nights, etc.—before we have children. So, we’re still a few years away!

Oh man. Babies. Truthfully? We are dying to have babies. We can’t wait. We spend a lot of time talking about our future babies, and both Mr. G and I go totally mushy when ever we see little ones. He points out the little guys in stores, and I point them out everywhere. It’s crazy.

We both knew we wanted kids, when we talked about it like six years ago, so it’s no surprise that now that we’re actually married, and having sex, that we’re thinking baby pretty often.

That being said, we aren’t even going to try for another four years.

Luckily we’re young—I just turned 24 and Mr. G 25—so we have the luxury of waiting.

Our honeymoon was the first time Mr. G had travelled so we’d love to do that together before we add to the family. Also, we were both fresh out of college pre-wedding, so it’s a good thing to put all that schooling to work, and put some time in our careers. With both of us working, hopefully we’ll be able to save some for a future little guy (or girl).

Also, I just want to spend some time with my husband. As a newlywed who hasn’t lived with her man prior to  marriage, I feel like we’re still getting the hang of it. I wan to enjoy this new living-together adventure before it gets more complicated. Not to mention we bought a townhouse, and I’m sure money would be tight if we were paying for a baby, too.

This Ostrich clock is tickin’ like crazy. My friends are getting preggo left and right these days. And Mr. O is praying to the baby gods for kids, like, yesterday.

But, I feel like I/we have a few more pages left in this chapter before we start the next one. And who cares if I’m 31 and everyone is having babies at the same time? Regret and stress are two words we don’t want in the Baby Ostrich chapter. So we’re gonna take it easy and savor life. There are a few more adventures, career dreams and self discoveries for us this next year and they’re all gonna be a thrill. And once we’re in a place where our lives, selves, and careers are in harmony, then the Baby Ostrich chapter will begin.

I feel the baby fever every time one of our friends announce that they are expecting! We have a couple of goals before we start trying for kids including buying our first home and doing a little more travel. Mr. E and I also want to wait until he is finished with his degree and hopefully in a normal 9-5 job.

While I’m loving all of the little ones from our nearest and dearest, I know that a couple of years is really the timeline that we’ll be on.

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What about you?  What is something you wish you did before you had your baby? Future moms, any big plans before you start thinking about baby?