We Are Family

We Are Family

September 28th, 2011 @ 11:41 am by Miss Aardvark
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I think it is important to explain a little bit about each of our families so that you can have a clear picture of where we are coming from on this whole marriage thing.

Mr. Aardvark comes from a fairly standard nuclear family: the typical mother, father, 2.5 children (OK, really only two—Salty and his brother). They are some of the sweetest people you will ever meet and I cannot wait to be part of their family! They are a shining model of marriage in a world of chaos.

We Are Family : wedding beaver dam Nuclear Family nuclear

Photo via Boy Louie Wordpress.com

My family is a little more complicated.

My parents divorced when I was five years old. There are a number of reasons it was not traumatizing for me, one being my age, but another, more important one, is my my parents. At the time I did not think much about them being civil with each other, getting along and sharing custody of me. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. As an adult, about to embark on a marriage of my own, I am in awe of how hard they must have worked to make my childhood so smooth.

There were never any nasty comments about “the other parent.” They stood together as parenting unit when I made (weak) attempts at teenage rebellion. They were very involved with my athletic endeavors and other extracurricular activities. Perhaps the most amazing thing about my parents is, when I say “they,” I am not only talking about my mother and dather. “They” includes my step-parents, too! Both of my step-parents have been in my life for a very long time. They are fully part of the parental unit. My stepmom and dad also have two kids. Bridesmaid Sis, and my brother (13 years my junior), who we’ll call groomsman Little Bro.

I am amazed every day at how well all of my parents have strived to make our family work. It is a testament to the power of love and their own maturity. They has taught me to value relationships over titles, and it has taught me a lot about the kind of parent I hope to someday be.

So while my family tree may look a bit more like a shrubbery than most, I like to think of it as a beautiful topiary with all of the parts working together.

We Are Family : wedding beaver dam Topiary topiary

Photo via photo dictionary.com - Topiary

What kind of family do you come from? What did you learn about marriage or love from them?

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14 Responses to “We Are Family”

Member

PeacocksAndCandy (message) 158 posts, Blushing bee

I come from a very traditional family, mother father and 6 sisters. My fiance comes from a traditional family, mother father 4 siblings. So i am actually really looking forward to our future together. It is not often that a couple comes from two “traditional” families. Part of me thinks this means its destined to work, but another part of me fears the standard we have to live up to. We have parents who have many children and marriages that have lasted through the toughest of the tough. Will we be able to live up to that standard that our amazing families have set?

9/28/11 @ 11:48 am (reply)

Member

mija22 (message) 321 posts, Helper bee

My Fiance comes from a traditional family, mother, father, him and his sister….mine not so much…my mom & dad split up when I was 8 (my mom’s 2nd marriage) so we’re all over the place…my mother had 11 kids in all from both marriages….she has now passed but one of my older brothers takes on the role of father figure to the older and younger siblings…it’s kind of funny…but we would not have it any other way…I love him so much!

9/28/11 @ 12:53 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Aardvark (message) 635 posts, Busy bee

@PeacocksAndCandy,

As valuable as great examples are, and as much as we can learn from our families, I truly believe that every relationship is unique and its success, success is the wrong word, its path, depends solely on the choices made by the people in the relationship at the end of the day.

Comparing one relationship to another is like comparing pork chops to acorns, because the people in them, their needs, feelings, and expectations are different.

That being said, loving and supportive family is a wonderful way to shape your expectations of marriage and relationships!

(Hope that wasn’t too rambley.)

9/28/11 @ 1:00 pm (reply)

Member

totheislnds (message) 5,361 posts, Bee Keeper

i love stories about family dynamic - my husband and i both come from well intact families though they are very different - my husband comes from a very devout catholic family, he is one of 13 kids and i am one of 5 kids in an Italian household where we are loud and boisterous and curse words are often thrown around casually. His family is great! i love them, it took some getting used to but i now have 7 sisters and 5 more brothers - in law of course but i consider them family - his mom and dad have been married for 30 years and my parents celebrated 38 years this year. I def feel like this played a huge part (for me) on what i was looking for in a partner and what i wanted in my marriage, they set the bar high for me.

9/28/11 @ 1:24 pm (reply)

Member

marieta (message) 339 posts, Helper bee

My parents did the same thing when they divorced — they kept everything bad or nasty hidden from me and from my perspective it was just normal. Funny how much you appreciate it later.

9/28/11 @ 1:27 pm (reply)

Member

MissMogwai (message) 32 posts, Newbee

I come from a very small family. My parents split up when I was 13, and my mom just remarried a few months ago. My dad is still single after all these years.
My FI’s family is MUCH more complicated. He was adopted when he was 3 days old. He grew up an only child (but knowing he was adopted) until he was 18. Then he found out he has 5 half-brothers and 2 half-sisters! After his adoptive mom passed when he was 20, his adoptive dad remarried and added a step brother, making my FI the oldest of 9 siblings!!
Where this leaves us is hard to say. For the most part, we’re trying to learn from their mistakes rather than following their examples.

9/28/11 @ 1:42 pm (reply)

Member

Kelly_Saves (message) 17 posts, Newbee

My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, I think? The first couple years took a bit of getting used to since we (my brother and I) were going back and forth. But once everything settled down…we’ve literally spent every holiday with BOTH parents and my dad’s new wife. It’s hilarious to me when we are all out to dinner and we have to explain that my mom is the ex-wife and my step mom is the new wife! I feel that it’s taught me a lot about family…and that sometimes it’s complicated..but still makes sense!

9/28/11 @ 1:49 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Doily (message) 637 posts, Busy bee

My family is complicated with a capital C. Unfortunately, I can’t say that my family is always the kind that is careful to hide the drama, but I still love them no matter want. I also don’t have the best role models as far as marriage, but I know that what it comes down to is that Mr. D and I will make it work if we want it to work, no matter how the marriages before us worked out. I’m glad that you have such a great family though!

9/28/11 @ 2:33 pm (reply)

Member

Roux (message) 1,352 posts, Bumble bee

Oh boy, my family is complicated. Mr. Roux’s too. I have one full sister, our parents divorced when I was 8, my dad has been with my step mum (although not married) for 12 years, and she has 2 daughters from her first marriage who I call my step sisters. My mum is in a lesbian relationship, and her partner gave birth to my littlest sister 18 months ago! Mr. Roux is from his dad’s 2nd marriage, he has 2 half brothers who are much older than him, so he is pretty much an only child. We both have massive close knit extended families, and every other week 30+ people gather at my grandparent’s house to eat and chat and be very loud. I love it though, my big crazy family.

9/29/11 @ 4:41 am (reply)

10.

Guest

Bluebell

Lurker here, but had to comment:

“So while my family tree may look a bit more like a shrubbery than most, I like to think of it as a beautiful topiary with all of the parts working together.”

For some reason, this made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy. It’s a touchingly whimsical way of describing a non-traditional yet tight-knit family.

Thank you.

9/29/11 @ 8:56 am (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Aardvark (message) 635 posts, Busy bee

I love reading hearing about all the different types of families out there! And, @Bluebell, thank you so much, your comment was is so sweet! Now I feel all warm and fuzzy

9/29/11 @ 9:17 am (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Kettle (message) 909 posts, Busy bee

Both Mr. Kettle and I come from uber traditional family units. Now, if you scratch the surface of each of our parents, it gets more complicated than that. But we’ve both learned great lessons about what it means to stick together through thick and thin and work hard to stay happy.

10/1/11 @ 10:54 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Cinnamon Bun (message) 1,100 posts, Bumble bee

I’m from a small family - only child, mum and dad still together. Mr CB’s family is more complicated, with divorces, remarriages, step-siblings, a half-sibling… It was a lot to wrap my head around, but it is fun joining such a large family!

10/2/11 @ 8:30 am (reply)

14.

Guest

Ms %2BDove

I just read this (you linked to it in this morning’s post) and it made me so happy! I’ve never heard of anyone having a similar background to mine - my mom and dad divorced when I was a toddler, stayed civil, they each remarried to people I consider parents too, and I have a younger brother and sister from my dad and stepmom born when I was in high school. They are the best
And . . . my fiance comes from a happily married, 2 child family as well.
I just thought it was pretty cool there’s somewhere else out there with a similar situation - who seems to love it as much as I do Thanks for writing this, Miss Aardvark.

1/18/12 @ 6:02 am (reply)