Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Has the down economy affected you/your SO and your relationship? How so? How are you weathering the storm?

The economy has been a pretty huge deal to us lately. Because of the economy, thousands of teachers across Texas lost their jobs and it was next to impossible for me to find a job right after we got married. I did manage to find something, but it’s a 45 minute drive from our house, and is an incredibly draining job—it definitely affects our relationship because I’m so tired/grumpy when I get home from work…it feels like we don’t get any “couple time” during the week at all!

Mr. Cardigan has also struggled to find something to do part time until he really gets started in real estate (he’s a real estate agent, but since we just moved to Austin, he doesn’t have many clients yet!). The job market is horrible right now, and that’s put quite a few stresses on our relationship—but we’re in constant communication about how we’re feeling and what we’re stressing about, so we’re always on the same page!

While we’ve been preparing for a big move, I lost my job. While it’s freed up a lot of time for me to plan for our move, it’s also made me feel very down on myself when I feel like I haven’t contributed enough to our household. It’s hard to feel like my self-worth isn’t what it used to be, but overall, Mr. Socks has been very supportive.

I’ve been frustrated and moody some days, but no matter if I have a job or not, Mr. Socks is sure to tell me that we’re equal partners in our relationship and we’re always working toward a common goal. “One company, one team” is something he says a lot to me, which just means that I’m not alone in my struggles and that he’ll be there right along side me as we get through.

I was just laid off, again, a few weeks ago. My first bout of unemployment was right before the wedding, so I did my best to concentrate on planning (hello blog). This time around I’m concentrating on taking all of my architectural licensing exams. So, you see, I try to avoid the situation.

And for the most part, avoiding it works. I try to concentrate on ’building my resume’ by volunteering, doing freelance work and studying for my seven big tests. I also try to make sure I get out of the house every day, because it’s really easy not to sometimes. And the Mr. tries to cheer me up, too. He knows when I just need to go out for a run with him and get my endorphins going, and he tries to do nice things here and there, like making me a solid breakfast on early morning test days. In the end, it’s just nice to hear that he’s proud of me for continuing to better myself when architecture is such a tough field these days. But there are times, lots of them, when it just gets me down. Though I want to be nothing but happy for the Mr. as he continues to do well at work and is starting grad school in the evenings, sometimes I’m just jealous and mad that I’m not getting to do that. And you know, you need to let yourself feel those things too. So that you can get over them, because the team is doing well, and that’s something I’m thankful for.

I was laid off from my job the day we got back from our honeymoon. It was completely out of the blue, and I don’t think I dealt with it very well. I had somehow defined my self-worth by my ability to bring in money — I have student loans, and I needed to have some kind of income in order to not feel like I was transferring my burden onto Mr. Hyena. Once I didn’t have that anymore, my self-esteem pretty much took a nose dive. It was not a good way to start our marriage.

I am extremely grateful that Mr. Hyena does not see me in the same light that I see myself in, because he never stops being encouraging and telling me that I’m wonderful and doing a great job, even when I feel like a complete failure. I’m looking for another full-time job, and I’ve accepted that it might take a while to find one. Mr. Hyena is working, and thankfully he has a grant that cover all his education expenses.

I’ve tried to focus on keeping myself busy. I’ve had more time to spend blogging and doing various projects around the house. I’ve been doing more freelancing and volunteer work. That has helped me to feel more confident and motivated, which has been beneficial to both of us.

Because the legal market tanked when everything else did, I had to take a job far from where we lived after I finished law school that left me on the road for three hours a day (on top of long hours), while Mr. Spaniel worked only a few blocks from home. I’m not proud of it, but I was pretty unpleasant during that time—tired, cranky, and miserable—and he picked up more slack than I ever could have expected. He learned to cook, he started cleaning up more, helped me continue the “life maintenance” that I tried to ignore when I got too tired, and forgave me when I fell apart with exhaustion and wasn’t my best self.

I’ve since been able to change jobs and now have a ten minute commute, but since the economy has slowed down AGAIN, my hours have been cut. Like Mrs. Hyena, a big part of my self-worth was tied to my career and my ability to earn income, and learning to live with being financially dependent on my husband is not a challenge I’d expected to face in our marriage. Mr. Spaniel has never held it over me, always giving me the pep talk I haven’t been able to deliver for myself. Although the down economy has left us financially less secure than I thought we would be at this time in our lives, it’s forced me to be more humble and appreciate that I married a generous person… even if I don’t want him to have to be.

The economy has hit us semi-hard. Just two months after our wedding, Mr. Sprinkle lost his job, and he has been bouncing from gig to gig since then. When you work in the entertainment industry, not job is ever considered “steady,” but these days jobs are even more rocky. It has gotten to the point where we are considering moving from LA… but from what I can tell things are just as bad everywhere else.

Luckily, we have been able to survive, and although it has been hard to give up a lot of things that used to be normal (ahem, my $300 a month hairdo, nails and waxing habit!), we manage to make it work. I can easily see how the bad economy can affect a relationship. It is hard to watch your partner send in 200 resumes, and only get three interviews. I know it hurts his pride, and even though I know he is trying his best, he obviously still feels bad about it. I think the best thing to do in these tough situations is just support your partner. Make a budget and stick to it. Be open and honest about money and jobs. Know that the hard times will end, and look forward to the future!

I have been furloughed (reduced pay and hours) since we got married over two years ago. Then nine months into our marriage, Mr. Peep was laid off. We knew it was coming, so a couple months before we tightened our budget even more. Those couple months made me realize we could survive the hard times.

Luckily, Mr. Peep was offered a great new job, but he now commutes over an hour each way. While I’ve tried to get a job closer to his, the economy still sucks and I am staying put in my job for now. It has forced us to put off buying a house, but it helps that housing prices are still going down in our area.

Early on someone told me that the measure of a happy/successful relationship is how you survive the hard times. I can guarantee that I won’t ever forget the last two years—the time in our one-bedroom apartment, cooking cheap dinners, watching movies and leaning on each other.

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What about you? Has the down economy affected you/your SO and your relationship? How so?