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Ladies and gentlemen, I am in a pickle.
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| Photo via hot dog halloween costume. net |
To be fair, I am fully responsible for putting myself in said pickle.
When we came up with the idea of having the reception at the current location, we were very excited about the prospects of a microbrewery as our reception hall. We talked with the owner saying we were expecting between 100-200 people and gave him our budget. Everything was very informal and a few days later my dad let me know that we had gotten the green light. Everything was rolling…
Fast forward a couple of weeks, and our guest list had ballooned well over 200 (close to 250 with +1s (which had been given to each and every unmarried adult (married couples wer invited together, naturally)) and save the dates have been sent out.
Fast forward a couple more weeks. I was speaking with the my contact at the venue starting to get into details, and a detail I was not expecting popped up. They can hold 175 people. OK, deep breaths…this is not a crisis. Yet.
I looked at the guest list. While I would never dream about un-inviting anyone, or not sending an invite to someone who got a save the date, there are many people who (99.99999% chance) will not be coming due to distance or timing or any number of other reasons. Many of these are also friends of our parents’ friends or distant relatives I may have met once as a baby. So I highlighted those. Then, it was on to the plus ones. There were lots of single guests who knew lots of other guests…their plus ones got chopped. It kind of felt like this:
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| Photo via Ketterman Photography |
So far, with the adjustments to my side only, we are down to a MAX of 220. Now I know I am not the best at math but I don’t think 220 = 175. I know Mr. Aardvark has a lot of cousins (who have a lot of kids) that he doesn’t think will be able to make it. There are also a few more +1s we could take out. We will have to take a closer look tonight…or think about renting a tent for the parking lot.
I do have some guilt about hoping people can’t make it. I mean, we are inviting them because we want our families and friends near us, right!? However, as I stated above, neither Mr. Aardvark nor I are particularly close to many of the people on the “chances are they won’t come” portion of the list (that’s how they got there to begin with!).
Let this be a lesson to you. Get a hard number from your venue before you send out save the dates! I am still very very excited about the venue—the food and the atmosphere is AMAZING! We will work it out somehow, even if it means our reception has to be a block party!
Did you have any missteps in planning? Do you know how you will solve them?
You’ll be fine. Roughly 30% typically reply no and even more if there are OOT. We invited ~230+ I believe and only 140 came. Vast majority were OOT guests.
We had an invite list of 225 (which was the max capacity our event space, also a brewery incidentally!!!) could handle….we ended up with 150 when all was said and done….so i bet you all can fit! definitely having ours at the venue we did was a great choice and we got SO MANY compliments on how it was such a unique place, people LOVED the beer, so i’d go with it!!!
Don’t fret, Aardvark! Mr. P and I chopped a lot of plus ones in the name of keeping our initials numbers down, and once we got a better sense of our headcount, we were able to give out a ton of plus ones. It was perfect, and everyone was happy!
What we did was send half of our invites out a little early (to family and close friends we had to invite), and then sent out a second wave of invites. That way we had a better idea of who on our must-invite list was coming, so we could better coordinate our we’re-not-that-close list. A good rule too is, in five years, will you care if that person came to your wedding?
My bff has a venue which holds 250 and she can’t even make that number. She’ll end up over paying by a lot since what 30% won’t show? Definitely have your hard number before venue shopping!
There is a stat out there that says only 75% of those invited and who reply yes to coming to a reception actually make it. When my sister got married she invited over 150 and 125 of them replied yes and only 75 people actually showed. We were astonished! I would side with you are good with your numbers and wont need to rent a tent.
I freaked out about our numbers too (I think it’s some sort of bridal rite of passage), but we ended up just fine and I’m sure you will too 
Also, I think your venue sounds amazing!
We chopped most of the plus-ones as well — only people married/engaged/living together got them! It’s not a big deal to not give a plus-one, especially if the guest will know others there. And more people than you expect will say they can’t be there, unfortunately. It’ll be okay!
I spent many nights awake worried about fitting 96 people in a space I was told only held 80. We also took to the chopping block but 96 was our drop dead number. In the end due whatever the reasons the final count came in at 86, we fit fine in the space and in fact could have fit the other 10 if we needed to. My advise is to be honest and up front with your venue, you certainly aren’t the first bride to over invite and you won’t be the last. If you have as great a venue as we did, they will laugh and tell you not to worry. Then they will scramble to make your day everything you want it to be!
Yeah, numbers suck. While I’m no means glad you’re in a pickle, I’m grateful for this tip. And for that pickle picture. We TOTALLY hoped to have a decent number of no’s. We’re not inviting kids, so outside the groomsmen, we didn’t expect any of our out-of-town guests with kids to come - and we were right. I admit to a certain amount of excitement each time a “no” brought us down to our financial goal of 60 (we could have afforded the full 80, but preferred 60) - and now that we’re under 60, I find myself panicking each time we get another no! We had some surprise “yes’s” and some surprise “no’s”
Oh my goodness! Thank you all for commenting! I feel 100% (Maybe 97.8%) better about this whole thing! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!
Also, @Miss Ladyfingers, I am glad someone commented on the pickle picture because I think it is one of the funniest things ever!
We’re going through this too - I honestly don’t know how our list ballooned up from 100 people to 160. We are also planning on doing +1’s, so they may need to be chopped a la you are having to do. STD’s aren’t out just yet, but they are all stamped and addressed.. we’re hoping we’ll hear some responses from those as to who thinks they definitely CAN’T make it. Guest lists are such tricky things!
I’m also having guest list issues (it’s going to give me a heart attack…)
But my wedding planner told me that typically 40% of your invites won’t show. Not just that they won’t RSVP, that includes some that say they will be there and then aren’t (for whatever the reason).
So I think you are fine with 220, or if you want to add your +1s back in, even with 250. It should still put you under the venue’s capacity.
Phew, I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this right now!!!
I had a very similar situation but the anxiety was too much for me to handle for a whole year and i really didn’t want to cut plus ones so I ended up just changing my venue. It’s not my dream venue (quite frankly neither was the first) but I love it in it’s own way. The RSVPs are starting to come in and i’m hoping we will end up at 200 considering we are starting at 240. Oh did I mention I always wanted a small wedding too!! Crazy!
I’m sure you’ll be fine! We invited over 300 and ended up with 250 people. which is about 80%. 175 is about 80% of your total
The number game is a huge pain for me right now too - and a major source of tension between me and my mom! Thanks to those who gave support and advice; it’s helping me feel much, much better!!
I know for a fact our venue can fit every single person we’re inviting. But… our budget can’t. So that’s another type of fail…
But I feel your pain about feeling bad about hoping people can’t come! You feel bad, but yet you still feel that way!
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Miss Aardvark, Beaver Dam, WI Age and Occupation: 23, Assistant Product Manager Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Business Analyst Engagement Date: May 28th, 2011 Wedding Date: April 2012 Venue: St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co. About Me: I am a resourceful lady who love surprises and adventure. At the same time, I value traditions, family and friends. I like to make crafty messes, sometimes, clean them up, and do pretty much anything outdoors. The Mister and I are pretty avid cyclists---we have nine bikes in our home right now...and one motorcycle! We both enjoy eating food we can't pronounce (language doesn't really matter) and going places we've never been. We currently reside in rural Wisconsin, enjoying the cheese and beer it has to offer, and getting outside whenever we can!
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