Weddingbee Blog

This is a post I have been waffling back and forth on for quite some time. I was not sure how, or if, to write it, and even now I am a little nervous about it going up. That being said, I think it is an important part of Mr. Aardvark’s and my story, and it really wouldn’t be fair to you if we left it out. I also understand that this is a very personal subject and that many people have many different opinions on it. I welcome all of your thoughts, but please remember, as I just stated, it was a very personal decision and what’s right for me may not be what’s right for you.

As the title implies, Mr. A and I are living together. We have been living together since the end of our LDR. Initially, this was not the plan. I had a very clear thought in my head that I didn’t want to live together until we were at least engaged and ideally, if we could time it right, married.

Well, hive, as the months of our LDR dragged on and on, that thought began to evolve. You see, more than anything I wanted Mr. Aardvark to come out to Wisconsin, and we even began to discuss him doing so without a job. Now the tricky thing about not having a job is that it is darn near impossible to get approved for a lease. We briefly discussed having me co-sign his lease but ultimately decided that was not worth the extra time, money, or hassle since one of us would inevitably be spending the night at the other’s apartment every night.

After surprisingly little hemming and hawing on my part, I proposed that he just come live with me. The logic of it, and the fact that it would so elegantly solve all of our proximity problems, was too much to resist. I had also been assured that engagement was right around the corner, and this little rearranging of the timeline in my head would be short lived.

So, with that, Mr. A came to Wisconsin, was miraculously able to keep his job, and had the same mailing address as yours truly.

Hive, let me tell you, I was certain we would be excommunicated. (I can be a little paranoid, it’s true.) You see, Mr. Aardvark and I are both Catholic and knew this was (still is) breaking the rules. I know you cannot pick and choose the rules you follow—they are there for a reason and all of that. My parents assured me that it would be fine. Mr. Aardvark even did some extensive research on the matter when he saw how worried I was and assured me that we were still good people, that about 70% of American couples cohabitate before marriage, and that the church was not going to excommunicate us. We were in it for the long haul and for the right reasons. We knew that, God knew (knows) that, and nobody else really mattered. (As a side note, all of our parents and in-laws [to be] were totally on board and supportive, and that helped a ton.) It was also pretty much the most amazing thing ever, to see him every day after so long apart.

A few months went by and Mr. Aardvark found a job here, in Wisconsin. It was a great job and with a bit more job security than his current remote-working situation. However, it was about an hour away from where we currently lived. After many discussions on pros and cons and finding a little town in between our two jobs, he took it. For the third time in four months, we moved. (In case you are trying to keep track, I moved into a new apartment, Mr. A moved to Wisconsin, and then we both moved again.)

It was only a few weeks after this move that he made it officially official. Somehow that alleviated a lot of my guilt. I felt like I could say, “See, God, I told you we weren’t just in it for funzies,” or something maybe less blasphemous than that…

Every once in a while I still get a pang of “you can’t bend the rules to suit your needs” guilt. However, knowing that we are getting closer and closer to the wedding has really helped. One of the things I am most excited for about being married is the freedom from those pangs and knowing that now we are following all of the rules.

Did you over-think (or under-think) your living arrangement? Do you deal with any residual guilt for not following customs? How do you deal with that?