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We chose to have a seventeen month long engagement. People questioned us on this decision over and over again like a broken record. The constant “why are you waiting so long” question got old real quick. When I ran into people they would ask me what I have planned so far, and I would follow up with a laundry list of what I have done. At the end of every conversation they would answer back with a snarky tone and say, “isn’t it a little early for that?”
This made me constantly second guess myself as to whether I was in fact planning too early. I would receive email updates from wedding websites and it would say I am 360 days out from the wedding and at this point I should start researching venues. I would sit there and think hmm, I did that six months ago. Was that bad? No, it is not.
We chose to give ourselves the precious gift of time.
We wanted to enjoy the process of planning and I have had the opportunity to put all of myself into every detail. Why should I have to wait to plan everything just because of a long engagement? I dove head first into planning right after we were engaged. Within two months I had booked the venue, florist, DJ, got my dress and had my shoes. I was able to reserve my favorite vendors because I booked so early. (Except of course the bride who beat me at getting a makeup artist. Who ARE you?!) Now with eight months out from the wedding, I am working on my guestbook alternative and getting ready to order favors.
Yes I might have done everything early, but ya know what? If I screw up a project, which I have done and will continue to do, I have time to fix it. Fact of the matter is, I am not stressed. Everything is at my leisure. As Frank Sinatra would say, “I did it my way.”
I am by no means saying that long engagements are better than short ones. I am here to say that if you are planning a long engagement, stand by that decision and be proud of it because there are so many wonderful perks. Time flies when you are having fun, and I am having so much fun.
Life threw us a great big yummy chocolate fudge sundae when we got engaged, and we chose to put the cherry on top. With sprinkles, of course.
Do you have a long engagement? Does it seem like a blessing or a curse?
I totally agree!! I have six months left of a 14 month engagement and everyone, including my mother and sisters, questioned how early I was planning everything. I found myself waiting to plan so that I wouldn’t have to defend my choices…until I went dress shopping and the bridal consultant said I needed to order soon or I might be cutting it close! I felt like I should have said “I told you so” but I kept it to myself and continued to plan ahead instead.
i completly agree, my enagagment was 16 months long! people told me i was crazy and to wait to plan my wedding. i made everything my myself so it gave me time to make everything and plan everything perfectly!
Yes we got engaged in March 2010 and our wedding is now also 8 months away June 2012. I also have been doing everything myself and I love the fact that I can put my heart into everything and get what I want, not just get it because I’m running out of time. I had my dress, shoes and accessories in June/July 2010 so I’m so glad I still have time to do more things.
I think it’s great to be able to relax and not stress out, we are so greatful that we did everything when we did, even though we were questioned A LOT!!
We will be 28 months by the time we get married. First few months I did research only. Now I am starting to get into all of the actual planning. We got engaged in May and are planning a Sept 2013 wedding. By January (20 month mark) I hope to have date, venue, photographer and planner.
BTW…we need to talk Christmas and 80’s movies sometime!! 2 of my obsessions as well.
Here’s to long non-over stressed engagements! I received the same silly “why are you waiting so long” questions but I knew what was right for our budget, the temperature, and ulitmately us as a couple. Now that we’re 4 months out, I feel prepared and had we not waited, I think I would be a mess. Yay for us!
We have a long engagement too — about 18 months! We did this mostly because we wanted to have a fall wedding and didn’t want to plan one in like 6 months.
At times it is annoying because I really want to be married, but for the most part, I like the long engagement. Like you said, we’ve not felt rushed and have had plenty of time to research things and find out what we want. We booked our venue and photographer within five months of getting engaged, and they were both already starting to get booked! Craziness!
It is annoying when people make those snarky comments, though. Like, what does it matter to you?!
We have a 17-month engagement as well! I’ve also booked most of our vendors early, a year before the wedding, which not only gave me my first pick but also we were able to lock-in 2011 prices. Woot! Getting it all done early also allows us time to enjoy the holidays without wedding planning & giving me some time to work on my grad school classes. It also turns out that October is a hot month in our area and while we booked early, every vendor we spoke with had already booked wedding for that October (just at different dates than ours).
Yes! We are halfway through our 18 month engagement and it is perfect. I’m finish up law school this semester and have to take the bar in February. If I had to seriously plan right now, I might blow a gasket. I have had enough time to choose and think about things, get the venue and vendors I want and enjoy being a fiance! People have gotten engaged and married in the time we are waiting but I’m enjoying the ride.
We had a long engagement as well, and people would annoy the crap out of me asking me “OOOOOOOh, why so long?” It always seemed like they were hinting that maybe we were putting it off. Truth is, I do not like to rush through planning things, and I had the top choice of vendors by planning so early on while others were left scrapping by to find vendors through their rushed engagements. To each their own, I guess! But, I prefer to take my time as well.
We are having a 15 month engagement and I get the same response from people all the time! I completely agree that having all this time is resulting in stress free planning. I am just under a year away now and already have my church, reception site, and all attire for the bridal party. I’ve tried on dresses and am almost certain on which one I am going to purchase just haven’t actually bought it yet. I’m planning to do pretty much everything myself so I need all this time for trial and error! Best of luck!
Thank you! We just got engaged almost a month ago and we are not planning on getting married until March 2013, at the earliest. I get the “Why are you waiting so long?” question ALL the time.
I have, however, researched venues and am fairly certain that I’ve found one that we both like. I also have tried on wedding gowns. I see nothing wrong with this. I am super, super picky and it takes me a very long time to make a decision. The more time I have, the better off I will be!
My engagement is about 15 months, and at first, i was afraid it was too long, but I got a lot done in the first few months and have been able to do what you are doing, and slowly work on little projects. As a result, our wedding is extremely personal and I love that! My FMIL actually just said to me last weekend “isn’t it a bit early to be meeting with the florist?” and she says that about everything! What do you want me to do, wait until it’s 2 months before and stress like a crazy person?? No thanks, I like my way just fine! 
Oh don’t you worry! I wanted a summer wedding (I’m a teacher, so I have to have a summer wedding) and when we got engaged in Feb I knew I wouldn’t be able to plan the wedding I want in that short amount of time, so we ended up with an 18 month long engagement. We’re 8 months in, and I bought my dress (6 months ago!), the bridesmaid dresses, the photographer (and we’ve done our engagement photos), bought the vases for the centerpieces, made the main part of the invites, booked a DJ, church, hall, bought a custom-made cake topper… everyone keeps asking me what’s left for the next 10 months! Still lots to do though, and I can do it in a more relaxed, stress-free pace There is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding, but I would rather go the route with the least amount of stress!
Amen to that! We started a 20 month engagement at the end of January. Thankfully we’ve finally entered the under a year mark about a month ago, so it’s not so bad now (whew!). But it gave us enough time to research all our options and take our time making venue/vendor decisions without worrying about someone else swooping in and booking our date!
We’re having a 26-month engagement (29 if you count the 3 months pre-engaged where we started to plan but before we made it official) and are quite happy taking our time.
But we’ve only gotten a couple of “why 2 years” responses and once I explain about our date choice (our anniversary falls on a Saturday in 2013), they’re usually cool with it. We also have a super-small budget so we’re a more-time-than-money couple and those 26 months are going to come in super handy for all the diy I have planned.
Besides: what’s the rush?
I have had mixed feelings about our 23-month engagement. Sometimes, it feels like such a blessing to be able to relax throughout the whole thing. But sometimes, I have regretted booking something too early, or dealing with date changes because of life changes. I am just a tad too indecisive and obsessive to have a long engagement. I find myself second-guessing everything, and if we had a shorter engagement, we’d be married by now. So, like I said, mixed feelings.
Mrs. Red Sox and I aren’t getting married until October of 2013 which means that its 2 years away this Friday! One of the reasons we chose to have a long engagement is because Mr. RS is in the military and we will be overseas until 2013 and planning a wedding from across the pond is just mind boggling to say the least. However I wanted to do the same thing as you said, give ourselves the gift of time! I too want to enjoy the planning process and not stress about everything or worry about missing out on vendors, etc…I think long engagements are wonderful!
I thought I would hate the long wait, but it has been a blessing. With a 21 month engagement. we got our pick of vendors, plus at cheaper rates. I found out if you book more than a year in advance, you sometimes get an additional discount. We are just less than a year out, and we have everything booked! Planning is fun and not stressful at all. I can’t wait to look back and way I enjoyed all the planning. Now all that is left are the small decisions and tons of DIY!!! YAY
It’s both, in my eyes! Time can be on your side but I find I go through periods of not wanting to do anything wedding-y because I have (ahem, had) so much time.
I am learning every day that “a long time” is relative. (And I don’t mean that philosophically.)
I came from a culture where 2 years was normal for engagements. Well, anywhere from 14 months to two years.
My fiance came from (and we live in) a place where 3 months is long.
Yes, you read that properly, 3 months. Our engagement, at 8 months, is considered ridiculously long. And I hear over and over again “Why wait so long? You could pull it together by the end of October! You don’t need to wait until March.” And they are probably right, I could pull together something adequate by the end of this month, but I don’t want to, for exactly the reasons you have described Miss Doe.
I like having the extra time to plan and pull things together. I like knowing that I don’t have to make decisions RIGHT NOW, and I can interview two or three photographers and bakers. I don’t need to rush order my dress, because it will still be here in plenty of time.
So, all that to say, I’m with ya! Even if the timing is a little different, lol. I’m happy to be able to take my time (a bit) and plan something we will be really happy with!
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Miss Doe, Northern California Age and Occupation: 24, Real Estate Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Recycling Manager Engagement Date: December 25, 2010 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: Monte Verde Inn About Me: I’m a Rat Pack fan and a Christmas nut that loves to read, good wine, cheesy ’80s movies and ’90s sitcoms. My wiener dog with an attitude problem and lazy basset hound are my constant source of entertainment. He's a hunter and I like cooking so it's not rare to see wild game on our dinner menu. Both of us were born and raised in a small historic farming town where our feet are still firmly planted. We have been together for nearly a decade and have shared many life experiences together, including birthdays that are only one day apart. We are two old souls that are creating our long-awaited wedding with loads of tradition that blends our two styles into rustic elegance in the foothills of Northern California.
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