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Weddingbee Blog
Guess what? You’re all a bunch of ESP bees. Seriously!
See, earlier today I got an email from a friend’s MOH reminding me that I still owed my share of the bridal shower fund, which is ultimately being paid for by her and us five other bridesmaids. I made a mental note, then did what any good employbee does during their last few minutes of downtime and checked the Weddingbee blog and boards. Obviously.
Lo and behold, a post titled Average Cost of Being a Bridesmaid?? was up towards the top and I clicked my way right over. Seeing as my friend’s upcoming wedding will be the first one I’ll be a bridesmaid in (unless you count my mom’s or that time I was a flower girl in 2nd grade), I was incredibly intrigued by everyone’s response to the question. I already knew that, from my current experience, costs can add up pretty fast.
Running Elly kicked off the thread by mentioning an article that stated that the average cost of a being a bridesmaid is somewhere around the $1700 mark. My first reaction was “aw heck no” but then…I started thinking about my current and upcoming costs for this wedding I am going to be in. I’m already up to $525, and that just covers dress and bridal shower. Oh dear.
Jeannine @ Small Chic soon posted a fantabulous chart that backed up the $1700 price point that I must share with you:
Image via Mint.com
Click to enlarge and read!!
Lumos then brought up a really great point—that the average cost of weddings in many places is between $20k and $40k, but she is managing to do her wedding somewhere between $8k and $9k. Similarly, while the average price of being a bridesmaid may be $1700, it is still definitely feasible to have the total be well under that price.
Lauramich and Angelz_love (among others) are having/had their girls don the aforementioned LBD as a bridesmaid dress in order to save money, as well having them choose their own shoes, do their own makeup, etc. However, even with some of these money savers, it was still clear that you bees have spent a very large range on weddings—some under $100, some over $2000.
CrispyRN later brought up a worthy counter-argument to the high price of being a bridesmaid—if you’re a bridesmaid for someone, you kind of signed up for it and should know that being in a wedding means coughing up some dough. Touché, my friend. Right you are.
I would love to know more of your thoughts. Personally, I was incredibly shocked at how much money I would be spending on my friend’s wedding, but the more I look into it, the more it seems that I will be spending somewhere along the “average.” Yet to come will at least be shoes, hair/makeup, travel/hotel, and gifts. I just keep seeing those dollar signs add up.
So…please share! How much are you spending/have you spent on being a bridesmaid? Do you agree with the article’s average price? Has the actual cost surprised you in any way?
Well, my perspective is that of a UK bee, so most people on here (most being US) won’t agree. But for me, no, I would never assume there were any financial commitments attached to being someone’s bridesmaid. It’s just an honour. Bridesmaids here don’t pay for their expensive dresses - the bride wants you in an expensive dress, she pays for it. And we don’t have wedding shower gifts that are separate from wedding gifts. (WHY two gifts, people?!) In fact we don’t even have wedding showers. So we also don’t have wedding shower travel costs. And we don’t have engagement gifts. We don’t have bachelorette showers. So we don’t have to travel to those either. We may have bachelorette (ok, hen) parties but you don’t buy gifts (ok, maybe a silly costume) and the bridesmaids don’t pay for the party - again, it is the bride’s party, she pays.
Honestly, I feel so incredibly lucky to be a UK bee when I read all of the posts about BM drama based on one not coughing up the cash for the dress, the multiple parties, etc.. It just seems to really take away from the idea that it’s an honour to be a BM - in fact, it seems to become a burden that those without the cash can’t take part in.
I’ve spent $400 on being a bridesmaid (MOH) for my sister.
I bought a red dress and new shoes and a plane ticket to the wedding. I am actually quite shocked that people are expected to buy 3 plane tickets — shower, bachelorette & wedding. Why not have a bachelorette party a couple days before the wedding? Or the night before? Or not bother? My sister had showers with local friends and with her in-laws. She was a very considerate bride, and my job as MOH was getting her ready for the day, keeping stressful people away from her, and generally acting as a buffer on the wedding day.
I was also a bridesmaid for a friend in college who had her wedding in town, and the cost was about $200 for the dress and shoes. The bachelorette and shower were in our college town, and were a party of trivia and going out for some fun.
If I had been a bridesmaid and expected to spend $1700 on stuff, I would have backed out quickly.
I’ve also been in weddings where the bride just hung out with her girlfriends watching movies the night before her wedding. It was fun and relaxing.
If people have the money and want to do multiple visits with friends, by all means, have a blast together! But it shouldn’t be required.
In my family we buy the bridesmaids outfits for our attendants and anything ekes they will need for the wedding day. Not sure who came up with that one lol. So since all but one of my maids lives here, I’m not sure what they will end up spending?
I continually felt guilty knowing how much my ‘maids were spending, especially since so many of them are fresh out of college and not rolling in the bucks. I’m secretly so glad that I don’t have any BM positions on the horizon so I can prepare my bank account 
I tried to keep the BM duties as cheap as possible for my girls since we are all in college. They all bought dresses that they wanted- I believe with alterations each spent less than 150 maybe under 100. Shoes were probably around 20-50. They either drove with others or flew to Texas (250-400).
My parents rented a house and supplied it with food for my immediate family, the BMs and the three other people from my hometown who could make it. It still wasn’t cheap but I wanted to make it as affordable as possible
1 BM wasn’t there for the shower (thrown by 2 BMs and my Mom) as it was in my hometown, I wouldn’t have expected her to come, it would be ridiculous to ask her to fly from Nebraska to PA for an afternoon.
I’ve never thought a bridesmaid should have to give a bunch of expensive gifts considering she’s spending money on just being in the wedding and probably helping the bride out in a lot of ways. When I was my friend’s MOH I gave a relatively inexpensive, personal gift at the shower, and then for their wedding gift I framed one of their invitations in a cool way, so that wasn’t costly either. We also did our own hair and makeup, and there was no major travel involved (that’s where a lot of that $1700 figure comes from - it really applies more to bridesmaids who don’t live near the bride or the wedding location).
I’d say I spent about $250 on my dress and shoes and sending a bouquet of flowers to my stepmom to thank her for doing my alterations (gratis!) I probably dropped $75 on the shower and a couple hundred on the bachelorette party (hotel, food, drinks, and so forth). So all in all I’d estimate I spent just under $600 on everything for that wedding. I considered it money well spent to be able to do all that fun stuff for my friend.
I dont expect my bridesmaids to spend anywhere near the 1700 dollar mark suggested. the dresses were 150 other then that my sister is throwing the shower so if the girls want to pitch in they can but not expected to and I am paying for them to get there hair done. if they want to get nails or makeup done there not required by me. and since my wedding colors are pink and black they are wearing black shoes with there dresses and I know almost every girl has a pair of black shoes she could wear so I am not making them buy a new pair they can if they want. all my girls are local except one friend is a four hour drive away and the other is stationed out of the country. but its also like this they are my friends and they would do anything for me and so when its there turn it will be the same I will do whatever they ask. (I was already the MOH for one of my girls and none of the other briedsmaids helped me throw her shower I footed the whole bill… )
I really tried to keep things affordable, but I’m sure I *could* have done more. I polled them frequently about their dress budget, even after we found the $190 one that everybody liked. I tried to find out how much they could afford, but nobody would tell me. A couple said, “I think it’s just expected a bridesmaid dress will be pricey. We’re fine!”
I’m paying for their manicure/pedicure the day before, and buying lunch the day of. I coudln’t afford to pay for hair and makeup, but I gave them the choice of doing it or not. Three chose to get hair done, the other will do her own hair and get makeup done for free at the mall.
Luckily, they all live in town, so travel costs are minimal! I didn’t get involved in the shower or bachelorette party, but I was pretty nervous that they spent money on all that stuff. But it was definitely their choice (and wasn’t really extravagant, phew!). I don’t need a shower gift OR a wedding gift, and certainly wouldn’t be upset if I got neither from anybody.
I let them choose their own shoes and jewelry, and alterations are up to them, but I did hook them up with a pretty cheap and good seamstress.
I’m also taking them out to a nice dinner the weekend before and bought them custom clutches as thank-you’s, and gifts for the shower (nothing fancy, just shower gel) - it’s the least I can do for them standing by me and doing all this! I love the tips here, and it’s a great post
I’m sure it gets spendy! Never been a maid before, but my MOH and sister have to travel so thats probably a $500 plane ticket…. I told them to pick whatever dress they want as long as it is our color and knee-length-ish so they could decide $30 or $300… I requested grey shoes but again anything they pick - some already have them in their closets…
as for the showers/bachlorette party I plan I helping FI’s lil sis (BM) and older sis (BM) fly to NYC where my MOH will host the party… so hopefully everyone will just have to pitch in for a hotel… and maybe a gift? not sure…
I am sure we will be below ‘average’ but still spendy… weddings are spendy!
When you agree to be a bridesmaid, I do believe you are agreeing to certain financial obligations. Those may vary depending on where you live and what’s expected in your social circle. At a minimum, I think most should expect to cover their dress/alterations, travel & accommodations to attend the wedding, and to contribute something towards the shower.
I expect to spend around $1,000 whenever I am a bridesmaid-
• $200 on shower contribution and gift
• $100-$300 on bachelorette (hotel/dinner/etc)
• $200 on dress & alterations (and maybe shoes)
• $100-150 on hair, make-up, mani/pedi
• $200-$400 on wedding travel/hotel
• $200 on wedding gift
I think most brides do try to be reasonable, and are pretty understanding about things. For example, I have always gotten hair and make-up done but was never required to, and I have only had to purchase specific shoes once. Also I don’t think you are obligated to give gifts on top of everything else - I did not get wedding gifts from half of my girls and I am very happy they did not stretch themselves further as they had already done so much! For me though – if I am in your wedding then I love you and I am going to spoil you if I can afford to!
Holy moly, $1700, I had no idea! I have never thought about it in terms of a financial obligation, although being in a few weddings this year I have realized it’s pricey (although still not close to 1700, even with travel for one). I do not expect out of town girls to travel here for my bridal shower or bachelorette party…so that cuts down on some costs. I’m so curious now, I’m going to have to calculate! Thanks for sharing Fox!
We paid for the bridal party (bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring boys and parents). I’m not sure if it’s an asian bride thing or not, but I was a bridesmaid twice before and I never had to pay for my dresses..so I just kept with that tradition. I just count that as part of the cost of the wedding too. It works out well because they were able to enjoy it without worrying about their financial situation. It also meant they could give us the gift that they wanted!
I agree with eeper.
It’s about $1000 with out travel and hotels.
$25 on a lil engagement gift
$50 on shower contribution
$75 on shower gift
$250 for bachelorette (dinner/drink/gift)
$250 on dress/shoes/alterations/jewlery
$150 on hair/make-up/mani-pedi
$200 on wedding gift
I strongly believe that yes being a bridesmaid is an honor and a financial contribution. If you cannot afford all of these things (minus gifts) you should probably not accept the honor. There is no way around it, there are financial responsibilities involved in being a bridesmaid. And depending on location/type of wedding/ and your bride the amount will vary.
I’ve probably average about $300-400 on being a bridesmaid, although most of those don’t include lodging (stayed at home or rooms were paid for). I can see where the costs would add up very quickly, especially if you have an expensive shower and/or bachelorette.
I and my maids will be 25 or under, so I wouldn’t dream of making them spend hundreds… I am letting them choose a dress in a color of my choosing, and we’ll plan parties that we can afford. I will be happy if my friends can afford to fly over here and half won’t come to the shower. I can’t imagine someone spending 1,000 on three plane tickets…
That chart is crazy! it includes 3 $300 plane tickets! Who would do that?!!?! for a shower? no way, BM or NOT, would I do that! also, one of those tickets would be needed whether you were a guest or a BM, same for gifts, and possibly dress and/or shoes! Anyway, off my soapbox - I just freaked when I saw this and decided to add up my girls’ cost, since not one of them is “well off”. I kept the gift costs the same, omitted engagement gifts (since they didn’t get any) and kept the cost of bach party and shower contributions the same. Total cost?? $497! Yay! Everyone wins
Honestly, this was one thing that we thought about before ultimately deciding against a wedding party. Sometimes even the costs of attending a wedding, let alone standing up in a wedding, can be crazy. I just remind myself that you sometimes have to do what you need to do for the people whom you love.
Bridal Shower Costs:
$275 for plane ticket
$500 shower expenses. (it would have been only maybe $200, but a fellow BM crapped out on me and the MOH and we had to cover her share)
Wedding Costs:
$240 (including alterations and shawl)
$50 shoes and purse
$50 pink & white manicure
$600 plane tickets for myself and FI
$200 wedding gift
For a grand total of $2115. Plus I’m sure I bought other crap too, but I can’t remember what.
i have been in 5 weddings and on average i have spent around 300-500 dollars on each one
@Ms Rocky Point: I totally agree- I would say “sorry, not going to do it!” if I was a maid and had to fly out 3x. I would fly out for the wedding weekend, period.
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Miss Fox, Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MD Age and Occupation: 26, Massage Therapist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Field Support Engineer Engagement Date: April 18, 2010 Wedding Date: June 2012 Venue: Vandiver Inn About Me: I’m a dancer turned massage therapist who was born and raised in New York. Alas, true love has brought me “south” where I still maintain my penchants for pretty shoes, wine, crossword puzzles, cherry blossoms, and the Mets. I own more sunglasses than a normal person should and don’t eat red meat (though I make up for it by eating my weight in sushi). I tend to be a big planner who likes to get things started early, but generally end up being indecisive and procrastinating when it comes down to it. I have a (not so) secret crush on Chris Carrabba, but my loyalty and love ultimately goes to the future hubs, of course! Together, my Foxy man and I love to discuss (read: debate) politics and current events, have Mario Kart and Scrabble duels, and just laugh. A lot. We’re hoping and planning for a laid back, fun, summery, rustic vibe to our June wedding that will be genuinely “us” – that is, if we finally make some decisions. Huzzah!
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