Be Gone, Drama Llama

One thing I’ve learned from my time planning a wedding thus far is that no matter how far in advance you plan, things still come up that will stress you out and throw you for a spin.

In an extended effort to keep things real and not just give you all fluff (as wonderful as said fluff may be), I have to briefly delve into a recent stressy and unfortunate situation.

Part of the reason I waited so long to even write a tidbit about my bridesladies is because I wasn’t sure if the original five I asked to be in the wedding…would actually end up being in the wedding. Friendships naturally go through their ups and downs, some people grow apart and some grow closer—and all this absolutely holds true when your engagement is over two years long and you have your party set from day one.

I won’t go into details because it’s really not necessary, but one of my original five is no longer in the wedding party. Things are still fine between us—there was a short guest appearance from the drama llama, who was sent on his merry little way rather quickly—and at the end of the day, after all other situations, my one friend ultimately had to decline from remaining in the wedding due to possible travel and school plans in the future.

I’m not going to lie—I was and still am really bummed by the whole thing. True, we aren’t as close as we were 16 months ago, but we’re definitely still able to pick up right where we left off every time we see each other. She was one of the first friends I made when I moved to the DC area, and I still extremely value her friendship and consider her one of my best. The thing I hate most, though, is that she may not be able to make it to the wedding at all. It’s sad, it’s hard…but it’s life.

The silver lining to this whole ordeal is that over the past 16 months, I’ve actually gotten much, much closer with another friend. We went to massage school together for a few months before she had to leave for personal reasons, and we were pretty close at one point; we drifted apart, however, when we weren’t seeing each other in and out of class every other day, as can be natural with frienships.

I can’t put my finger on what changed, exactly—more free time? different personal situations?—but I now consider this girl one of the few genuinely honest, beautiful, and best friends in my life. We went to Mexico together a few months ago and have tentative plans to do so again in the next few months. We see each other at least once a week now and talk in between those times—she’s become like a sister to me these past few months. And so it was only natural to ask her to “fill in” for my now absent brideslady.


It worked out quite well, because I started to really wish I already had her in the bridal party from the get-go; not to replace anybody, but just to be in it. I’m not one to care about uneven bridesladies and groomsmen, but six people standing next to me just felt like too many people. We’re not planning on having that big of a wedding, and wouldn’t you know that it would end up looking like more people were standing up with us than sitting down! Initially I was going to have her sing during the ceremony or help out in another significant way, but this kind of solves that “problem.”

Oh the tangled webs we weave when friendships and weddings blend (or clash, as the case may be). I’m doing my best to just go with the flow and let things happen, as life has a funny way of working itself out…see above.

What snags or changes in plans have you come across in your own wedding planning? Any bridal-party switcheroos?


Mrs. Fox

Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MD
Wedding Date:
June 2012
LA Meet-Up
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  1. Member
    CherieeBee 60 posts, Worker bee @ 1:33 pm

    One of my very closest cousins was supposed to be a bm but when that damn drama llama showed up in my early planning stages, we were unable to secure a way for her to get here. The person who was to buy her plane ticket decided that they would no longer be attending my wedding and thus my 16 year old cousin didn’t need to come either, let alone be in it. With all of our $$$ budgeted toward catering, DJ, flowers, etc. we just did not have the funds to pay her way either. As luck would have it, one of the 2 flower girls hit a major growth spurt and no longer fits in girls sizes at age 9 so she will get to be a Jr. BM and fill in her big cuz’s place. We are so sad that cousin 1 can’t come but are glad that there was a solution in the end. We are planning a special trip for her after the wedding when things settle down so we can really have time to hang out. I’m so glad she is understanding through this. What a great kid!

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  3. mole Member
    mole 1242 posts, Bumble bee @ 1:46 pm

    Sorry to hear about the drama with one of your bridesladies! I know that those changes in friendships are often natural, but it’s still a bummer to experience. I am glad that things worked themselves out, though!

  4. Member
    futuremrswifey 170 posts, Blushing bee @ 3:18 pm

    One of my broomsmen is spending this year studying in Germany and told me a week before he left that he wouldn’t be able to be a member of my wedding party. To pour salt in the wound, he and his fiancee wont be able to come home even to attend the wedding. However a close friend from college was able to take his place. Alls well that ends well. :)

  5. Member
    leebaby711 362 posts, Helper bee @ 4:49 pm

    I had not one but three bridesmaids bail very close to the wedding. In the end it was a toxic circle of childhood friends that brought down the rest of my wedding party (which was 8 to begin with-too many!!) It was too close to have two friends that I became closer with fill in, so they were honorary bridesmaids and wore whatever they wanted but got flowers, their hair paid for, etc.

    The day of my wedding, my wedding party of five girls plus two extra was exactly how I imagined and I felt so blessed. Sometimes friendships change, but what can you do? It sounds like you still have an amazing wedding party- and I’m sure you’ll have a blast!

  6. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 5:21 pm

    I’m glad everything woked out for you. Some of my sorority sisters have had to deal with major maid drama for their weddings.

  7. teacup Member
    teacup 631 posts, Busy bee @ 7:21 pm

    So true, weddings can bring up strange feelings for everyone. I can relate, I had one of my original girls decline and I was so bummed out. Glad to hear it worked out for the best for you :)

  8. msfox Member
    msfox 1635 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:22 pm

    @CherieeBee: I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with cousin 1 being in the wedding, but it sounds like everything will work out well for you!
    @Miss Mole: Natural but sucky, for sure.
    @futuremrswifey: So wonderful that someone is able to step in! Still a bummer he can’t be there; for me, that’s the part that’s hardest of all.
    @leebaby711: Wow. I’m glad in was perfect for you in the end, still sorry you had to go through that!

  9. msdoe Member
    msdoe 639 posts, Busy bee @ 7:47 pm

    Yes, durin planning you definitely cross hurdles you normally wouldn’t have to. So sorry to hear about the drama with your friend, but it sounds like your friend from massage is a great friend! I guess everything does happen for a reason, so just keep that in mind :) Glad it’s all going to work out.

  10. Member
    Lydia888 11 posts, Newbee @ 9:12 pm

    Agreed! Everything happens for a reason, so put yourself at ease, the time comes, it would work out 😉

  11. parasol Member
    parasol 2955 posts, Sugar bee @ 11:28 pm

    It sounds like everything worked out perfectly in this situation! It’s always so nice when you hear stories from brides and BMs who handle situations like this as adults and who try to avoid hurt feelings. And I’m so glad your good gal pal can stand up beside you!

  12. raccoon Member
    raccoon 308 posts, Helper bee @ 6:15 am

    What a difficult situation! At least you’re still friends with the original bridal party member.

  13. honey Member
    honey 1684 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:27 am

    I had a very similar situation…we drifted apart and decided it wasn’t going to be best to have her in the wedding, then we re-kindled our friendship and are now closer then ever and she is back in :)

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    outlandishmeow, Guest @ 9:57 am

    This was a great read. I have a few issues with some of my bridesladies, I hate to say it. But the situation is so complicated that I can’t even really deal with it. I honestly don’t know how. I hate the idea of sitting down with them and saying the words” Would you rather not…” All the things I have read say “you can’t fire a bridesmaid” It’s not technically firing her…. more like giving an out?? So it was nice to be able to relate in some way to this post. Although I still have all mine, I worry almost every day that one of them will change their mind, or that day will finally come where I say those words I can’t bare to say.
    We have also dropped down a groomsmen and may not have another one due to medical issues. Still up in the air, still hopeful. Life is so funny when you are making other plans!

  15. msfox Member
    msfox 1635 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:38 am

    @outlandishmeow: What I found is that sometimes the BM feels similar to you.. doesn’t want to “quit” the same way you don’t want to “fire” her. She may be waiting for you to indeed give her that out. It’s what I ended up doing with my BM in this post before I knew she would probably be out of state.. I told her I would love her to still be in the wedding but if she felt like she couldn’t support me or be happy for me, then I’d rather her not be in it, for both of our sakes. It comes down to being honest, and it’s a sucky conversation and situation no matter how you look at, but it IS possible to walk away relatively unscathed. PM me if you want to talk (type?) about it more!

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