Weddingbee Blog

Mr. Aardvark and I just got back from our pre-Cana, or marital prep class required by the Catholic church. For us, it was a one day workshop with about fifty other couples. We heard people speak about things from conflict resolution to commitment and everything in between. Going into this class I had no idea what to expect. As such, I was pretty nervous. However, it was a totally enjoyable day, and a nice way to spend a Saturday (aside from having to get up early to drive a few towns over). I did not look very hard, but was not able to find a breakdown of what to expect. So for your reading pleasure:

It started at nine in the morning, in the church basement. We were fed (yay food) and did a little ice breaker: line up by wedding date. I have to say, I knew April was coming fast, but it hit hard when we were clearly in the early part of the lineup. I’m talking first quarter here, people! Holy smokes, this thing is happening AND SOON (not as soon as the handful of couples getting married on 11/11/11 or 11/12/11—seriously guys, way to wait until the last second to take the class! Just kidding, but I was nervous for them when they said their dates!).

The rest of the day was split between hearing couples who had been married a while (30+ years) talk about things like commitment and communication, and working on a little work book where we would fill out questions about our relationship and marriage on our own and then share these answers with each other. That was one of my favorite parts of the whole day. Mr. Aardvark does not verbalize his feelings very often so to read some of his answers to these questions was very touching. We did not use the whole booklet during the class but I would really like to read/fill out the rest of the question individually and share them on our own time.

There were also little breakout sessions. You could pick from a few options, and these were smaller group discussions. We went to one on parenting which was interesting (a couple talking about some of their challenges and favorite parts of raising kids) but maybe not super helpful. The other break-out was on dealing with in-laws which was really not useful for us. It was all about creating distance from your parents and starting your own families. I think the guy said “cut the apron strings” about 20 times… but Mr. A and I have been on our own for years before we met, so those strings had been cut. Oh well. We did get to hear some funny stories, though.

One of the most interesting parts, for me, was the couple that spoke to us about NFP.

That is Natural Family Planning, or the form of birth control the Catholic church finds acceptable. This is an extremely personal topic and I by no means have the answers for you and your relationship (heck, I am still trying to figure out the answers for me!). Family planning is different for every couple and every situation. I have been on (and off) the fence on this topic for a while. I’ve heard the the jokes (what do you call couples using NFP? Parents.). I am currently using hormonal birth control so clearly we are not following the rules there. But, for the first time, I heard some really well reasoned, logic based arguments that made NFP sound appealing.

Mr. A and I plan to have some kind of child/ren at some point, but we had not really considered NFP until this couple brought up the following points:

• NFP differs from other forms of birth control because it “respects fertility.”  It does not mean that you should only have sex to make babies or that you need 10,000,000 kids.
• It promotes a better understanding of what is going on with your body and cycle. (this is a HUGE plus in my book.)
• Linked to the previous note, it also helps track/detect any potential health issues.
• Improves communication between the couple. (Like a high stakes game of red light/green light)
• Allows the couple a chance to find other ways to physically express their love. (Was I impressed the church was promoting this? Yep! Was it awkward to hear about? A little…)

Mr. Aardvark and I have not decided for sure but I am much more open to trying this method than I was going into the meeting today. There are some things in the literature that I strongly disagree with. There are some viewpoints that seem painfully outdated. However, I am trying to keep an open mind an blend my Catholic faith with my world view and ideas on social issues. It is a learning process and we will be taking things one step at a time.

Personal Photo

Speaking of steps, since this is a wedding related event, I wore my non-wedding-bridal-shoes! And I have to say, they kinda hurt my feet! At least the look good! I’m glad I will not be dancing the night away in these on my wedding day.

Engaged bees, Have you had you pre-Cana class? Was it what you had expected? Married bees, what are your thoughts on NFP? Is anyone using it? Thoughts on that?