Weddingbee Blog

College courses often come along with prerequisites: certain classes or subjects that students have to master (or at least pass with a C) before they can move on to more difficult material. I think that healthy relationships should also have prerequisites. A willingness to share and listen. A generous heart. A well-developed sense of self. A confident spirit. Etc.

I think that the viewing of the following video by Dan Savage (love him!) is also one that should be assigned to everyone who is about to take that plunge into Relationshipville. This video should be watched often; a couple times a year in good times, a few times a week in tougher ones.

Warning, though: NSFW, some language.

For those of you who want or need to skip the video, Dan Savage’s main point is that there is always a price of admission in relationship—what you need to accept in your partner in order to have a loving, long-lasting relationship. As he so succinctly states, “There is no settling down without settling for.” Maybe you need to accept that your partner snores sometimes after having a couple of beers at the game. Maybe you need to accept that your partner can’t figure out how to fold socks the way that you like. Maybe your partner, like Dan Savage’s partner, doesn’t always put away the mayo after making a sandwich. Maybe your partner needs alone time after getting home from work.

These flaws can be irritating, yes. But the price of putting up with them is far, far less than the price of being alone.

And, honestly, you have a price, too. Maybe you snort when you laugh. Maybe you text too much on the phone. Maybe you spend a few too many hours on your fantasy-football draft. Maybe you steal all of the covers in the middle of the night. Maybe you, like me, sometimes get really frustrated at the stupidest things.

Love is not believing that your partner is The One, but instead realizing that your partner is the one who makes your life better. Relationships, including marriage, are not about creating a perfect life, but instead about making the best life possible together, however imperfectly. It’s working hard to be better than you are because you want to be better for your partner.

What do you think about Dan Savage’s idea of the price of admission? What is your price of admission? What is your partner’s?