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After getting engaged, one of the first things I did besides freak out was turn to Mr. Elk and say, “So, we are having a secular ceremony, right?”
I know this may not be a polite topic to discuss, but seeing that religion plays a major part in most weddings, I feel the need to explain why there will be an obvious lack of religion at ours.
You see, I was raised Jewish and Mr. Elk was raised Catholic. I went to Hebrew school and was bat mitzvahed (though sadly mine was neither spooky nor scary—props to anyone who gets this reference!), and Mr. Elk went to church every Sunday with his fresh-off-the-boat Irish parents. Although neither of our families is uber religious, we were both fairly immersed in our respective religions for most of our childhoods. Although true, the religion thing never really stuck for either of us. We both agree that we do not want religion to be a part of our lives as a family, so it seems only natural that we not include religion in the day we become a family unit.
There is a slight flaw with my plan to ban all religion, though. Being raised Jewish for me was never about religion, but about a culture; a culture I would hate to lose in gaining a husband! There are a few Jewish customs that I really want to see incorporated into the wedding, as I simply cannot imagine my wedding without them! And since my culture is very important to me, I hope to find some Irish traditions to include in the wedding so that Mr. Elk and his family have their culture represented as well.
There are some people who aren’t thrilled with our plan. Mr. Elk’s dad, for one, would much prefer us have a rabbi and a priest. My grandparents, though they haven’t said anything, I know would prefer just a rabbi. But in the end, you can’t please them all, can you? We want this to be about who we are as a couple, and that means no outright religion.
What do you think? Can we have a secular wedding and still incorporate some Jewish traditions? Or is that just a complete contradiction?
PS: If you didn’t get my reference, watch this video now! I <3 30 Rock.
I think you can definitely incorporate the breaking of the glass, cutting the challah, getting up on the chair during the horah, whatever you may be specifically thinking of to include in your wedding culturally. I too am more into the cultural aspects of Judaism than I am the religious ones. Even non-jews love to jack our horah dance. 
YAY! I like that you confirmed it as a 30 Rock reference at the end. I thought it was… I get like three channels and have fallen in love with watching the re-runs! 
Oh great, now I’m going to have “Spooky, Scary Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” stuck in my head all day!
Hell yeah you can! I love cultures intertwined into weddings!!
SECOND FAVE 30 ROCK MOMENT EVER
(after floyd, dennis and handsome dr. as jamaica women)
Yep! I just did it! We had the chuppah, the wine blessing, breaking the glass, the challah blessing and hora… everyone loved it! We just had a secular officiant who was really open to doing anything we wanted and had lots of experience with Jewish weddings as well. It was also mixed with various secular “prayers” and thoughts on marriage and a reading and vows we chose and ring exchange words we chose.
So yes, you can totally do it, do whatever you want! I think a lot of the Jewish wedding traditions are really special and it’s really nice to keep them in even if it’s not necessarily “religious”.
Totally doable. If non-religious couples can borrow from all different cultures and paths to create their ceremonies, why should yours be any different?
I love that you can separate your feelings about your culture from your religion, that rocks!
I think you can include all the traditions you want without religion, that’s the beauty of crafting your own ceremony! As long as you’re happy with it, that’s all that matters 
And, I love the 30 Rock reference!
My husband is Jewish and I’m not. We had a justice of the peace perform the ceremony using his pretty standard script. We added the seven blessings (which was important to my husband) before we said our vows. We had seven of our Jewish family members/friends each read a blessing in Hebrew and English. It was pretty seamless and I think everyone enjoyed it and it made the ceremony more personal. We also did the hora which everyone loved and even though I’m fairly certain none of my family members had seen it done before they jumped right in and helped lift us and everything. It’s your wedding- do what’s important to you!
I think it’s great that you are going to incorporate both cultures into your wedding, and if people are upset by it… well it’s YOUR wedding right? I can’t wait to see how it all turns out as I am planning on having a secular wedding and am still trying to figure out how to go about it.
The religion thing is definitely tricky - Foxy and I are going through something similar seeing as I was raised Lutheran (don’t really practice much anymore) and he’s an athiest. The only “religious” part of our ceremony will be the Lutheran pastor - the rest will be pretty secular. As for traditions, I totally think you can throw some in!! I’m intrigued to see what you end up doing. As for Irish traditions, I’ve heard that handfasting is both pagan and Celtic in origin - may be worth looking into!
I feel your pain. I’m Polish , raised Catholic and hubby to be is Dutch reformed. So we are having a ceremony in a non-denominational church and will be incorporating some of our cultures in the celebrations.
Totally LOVE this post. My FI is Jewish and I was raised Catholic. The culture v. religion conversation is something we have both discussed not just for the wedding but also for our future and raising children. Good luck with whatever you two decide.
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Miss Elk, City: Syracuse/Long Island Age and Occupation: 25, Medical Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Computer Engineer Engagement Date: November 22, 2010 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: The Old Field Club About Me: I’m a Long Island girl finishing my last year of medical school in western NY, on the road to becoming a pediatrician. When I’m not studying or sleeping at the hospital, I spend my free time watching bad TV (Vampire Diaries anyone?), playing with my pooch, singing incredibly off-key (to the annoyance of Mr. Elk ), and reading Harry Potter for the zillionth time. Mr. Elk and I are planning a secular wedding infused with both Irish and cultural Jewish traditions. Only a week after I become an M.D., I will get my Mrs. degree, too!
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