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I know we sent our save the dates out ages ago, but I never did talk about the dreaded guest list. I say dreaded, because I think you all can commiserate with me on this one.
When we sat down to get started on the guest list, I was so excited. I didn’t think it would take longer than an hour or so to get some names together of everyone we know. What a naive little bride that I was. Apparently, guest lists aren’t always that easy.
Remember the invitations scene from Father of the Bride? I think we all can relate to feeling this way when the reality sets in that weddings are expensive and you know way too many people.
{Video via You Tube}
Invite coworkers? Friends you haven’t seen in forever? Long lost relatives? Invite kids? ACK!
The process of putting together the final guest list took us nearly a month. We finally had to put on a hard outer shell and make some decisions. It was probably one of the most daunting, frustrating and difficult tasks we have had to accomplish so far in wedding planning.
In a perfect world, who wouldn’t like to invite everybody? Unfortunately that is not realistic, which makes guest lists zero fun.
The pain is over though, and we have conquered the guest list. A guest list where EVERYONE can eat!
When you sat down to make your initial wedding guest list, how many people were on it? What did you have to whittle it down to?
This was a horrid task for my FI and I as well. We originally had about 215!!! Can you say heart attack!!! We whittled it down to about 158 and we’re still working on it…
Don’t forget about your vendors that need food!
We just started our list and it is not going smoothly… my FMIL was talking about inviting their cousins and families (so FI’s and first cousins once removed and second cousins)
LOL I love that scene from “FotB.”
We are still in the process of creating our guest list. It’s definitely challenging!
It was easy for me and my mister.
The rule were as follows:
Co-workers - only if we’ve been to their home and they’ve been to ours
Relatives - the ones we see at major holidays
Kids - only if they’re related to us, no friends’ kids
Friends - if we’re still in touch. No long-lost high school or university friends.
But then again, our way may not work for everyone. We didn’t even feel a little bit bad about keeping our list short. We had 50 guests and for us it was the perfect size.
We are at 50 also. Only dh’s immediate family, my very special mentors, and a handful each of our friends…many of which we share.
Haha, oh man, the guest list. The guest list! *shakes fist at sky*. Initially, when we wrote down every person we could possibly invite, we had 150. Not bad (but not complete, as it still turned out). We priced venues and realized we couldn’t afford any venues that held more than 75 people. So we cut our list to 75. It was not easy! But we did it, and stuck to our guns. It made it easier that we paid for more than 50% of the wedding, so we had that to stand on when coming up against family “requests.” In the end, we invited 75 and 53 came (52 RSVP’ed, one just showed up - weird).
Oh, and our rules:
Coworkers - for me, none (just started my job in March) - for him, the ones we’re close enough with to have invited to parties
Relatives - immediate family members (which does include cousins, but not cousins or cousins or second uncles in law and the like)
Friends of parents - only if we’ve known them our whole lives (for him: 2)
Kids - no (a groomsman and his wife did bring their infant daughter but they just moved to Utica and have no family there, so no biggie)
Friends - if their number is in my phone and I hang out with them on a social basis, and have hung out with them just the two of us.
When we first sat down and did our “fantasy” list, our numbers came in at 120 or so. But realistically we knew we didn’t want our entire softball team there, etc, so we our “reality” guest list was hovering around 60.
Recently, my Dad suggested that we cut our list in half, to 30, so we could all enjoy a more intimate day. He said, and I quote, “you can’t really enjoy a wedding with more than 40 people there. I can’t imagine such a large function with 60 guests.”
Just shows how many weddings he’s been to.
Yesterday we just found out that more people than we expected are planning to make the trip from out east (6 hour flight from Toronto!) which made my FI really happy to know she’d have more family attending. Now I feel even more pressure to invite all my local family.
So it looks like the numbers will jump up to 85 or 90!!! I don’t know how we will afford to feed all those people, we are hoping that most of our guests understand how it is and give monetary gifts. And thank god for low interest lines of credit.
I love hearing everyone’s feedback on this… Guest list is stressing me out! We wanted to keep it at 100 max, but it keeps growing. I’m from the East Coast and am having the wedding where I live on the West Coast, so I thought that would weed out some of the extended family that comes from my dad having 9 brothers and sisters, but more relatives keep coming out of the woodwork…
We struggled about this too! I think our current list is somewhere around 75. It was a HUGE struggle since our venue in Milwaukee only holds 60 for a seated dinner.
A guest list is by far one of the toughest things in planning a wedding. But you just have to know what your budget is and be realistic and stick to it!
I hate the Guestlist - We have 200 invites going out so far and my fiance hasn’t even finished giving me his list. (I have a Huge Close Family, Aunts Uncles Cousins we all stay connected even from different coasts) Oh and on top of that - 40 children! Yes! Forty! I wanted to have the “only family” rule on children under 12. But… I got a lot of crap from everyone about it. Why the heck would you bring your children to an evening wedding with a formal dinner. And eek.. why do I feel it necessary to invite parents of friends and siblings of friends. Ugh! We finally just decided to let it go - invite them, no hard feelings, and move on. I’ll be eating PB&J for the next year because of all the add ons but I won’t have to hear about me being the bad person. The more the merrier right?
We came up with our first guest list and booked vendors according to that. When it came time to collect addresses, we wound up adding about 30 more. Oy.
Ours just keeps exploding and going up and it’s super, super hard. STD’s have officially gone out and we’re kind of stuck with our number now.. we genuinely want everyone there who ended up on the final list, but it was just a way different number than we originally planned for!
It’s the most stressful thing. We knew we could never go over 100 including vendors who had to eat with us. He said, “to be fair, we should split it.” I agreed. What he did not think about was that his immediate family (divorced parents who remarried plus five siblings, all married with kids) came to 46. I have no sibs, parents have passed away so zero family. I said to him “You can only invite 4 more people.” He has six very close buddies, all married plus a handful of other close friends. I relented but have to admit that I am a little peeved that he gets half again as many as me and I have to leave people out that I wanted to include. Right now, he has 68 and I have 32 (including the 6 vendors’ dining with us). 
Happy you made it through it!
Oh man, my heart started racing again just reading your post. The guest list was quite possibly the most epic battle my house has ever experienced.
If we invited all our family and friends, it was up to 250+ (I have a big family…) Therefore, we cut it down to family we see and/or talk to regularly. I am only inviting two co-workers, who have become outside friends anyways. As for the friends we are inviting: only if we hang out with them one-on-one (or double dating), and only if we keep in touch regularly. This means that friend who we only see at group outings or parties isn’t invited because we don’t have a close/personal relationship.
Oh, and there are ZERO guests coming that we don’t know. So, no coworkers or clients or neighbors of our parents unless they are also friends with us.
…. this has gotten us down to 170 invited, hopeful 150 actually show.
Big. Family.
@Crabbabs: Haha I know! When I first learned this I was like WHAT? Food for VENDORS?! Then I was like wait…yeah I guess they do need to eat hahahaha. Such a good tip for people starting to create their guest list because it is not something you originally think about.
I love all the different “rules” that everyone posted. Such great advice! For us, there really was not steadfast rules. We just did what felt right…which was difficult at times, but when it comes down to it you do what you have to do. 
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Miss Doe, Northern California Age and Occupation: 24, Real Estate Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Recycling Manager Engagement Date: December 25, 2010 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: Monte Verde Inn About Me: I’m a Rat Pack fan and a Christmas nut that loves to read, good wine, cheesy ’80s movies and ’90s sitcoms. My wiener dog with an attitude problem and lazy basset hound are my constant source of entertainment. He's a hunter and I like cooking so it's not rare to see wild game on our dinner menu. Both of us were born and raised in a small historic farming town where our feet are still firmly planted. We have been together for nearly a decade and have shared many life experiences together, including birthdays that are only one day apart. We are two old souls that are creating our long-awaited wedding with loads of tradition that blends our two styles into rustic elegance in the foothills of Northern California.
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