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I could spend a whole post, or even a series of posts (maybe even a whole blog), talking about how you know it’s love. Or how you know you’ve found “the one.” There are countless ways to measure and evaluate this and even more details to debate on the nature of love and commitment. As fascinating as all of this is, there is one rather alarming sign of love that I have encountered recently: A newfound fear of flying.
I have heard of people who developed fears out of the blue or even after a traumatic event. But developing a fear because you are in love?! That sounds like crazy talk! I have been flying for a long time and have always found the experience enjoyable, even in tiny planes. Even in planes that I happen to be jumping out of!
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| Yes, when I was a young Aardvark of only 18 I decided it would be worth while to jump out of a perfectly good airplane |
However, in recent months I have been traveling more for work. This of course involves getting on more planes. I have not had the super panicky fear of flying that some people have but I have had a certain uneasiness that is totally new to me.
I found myself counting the rows to the nearest exit and paying EXTRA attention to the safety briefs. When flying over water I found my inner lifeguard wondering who would need the most help in the event of a water-landing. Where were these rather morbid thoughts coming from!?
I spoke with my step mom about this and it turns out it is not uncommon at all! Many people develop fear of flying as a direct result of falling in love. She herself had experienced this after years of worry-free travel. It is so common in fact that there are self help books and meditation tapes about it! I don’t think that I will need to go that far to remedy the problem, but it is fascinating how the human brain (and heart) work!
Like I said, there are lots of other hints that Mr. Aardvark is the one for me (he cleans my bike without me asking, he folds all the socks just because I hate doing it, I could go on and on), and I would by no means base my decision to spend the rest of our lives together on an irrational fear of flying! But it is interesting that I am not alone in this.
How did you know it was love? Have you developed any irrational fears?
I completely understand where you are coming from! I used to LOVE flying and was excited to do so. However, when Mr. poTATEr and I began dating I began to worry about every little thing that happened while I was flying.
It got to the point (and I still do this) that if we are flying together I think, “Well, if we do crash at least we will be together.” How morbid is that…?
You know….I used to love flying and ever since FI and I started dating, I’ve grown more and more afraid of it! I didn’t even think about their being a connection, but it totally makes sense!!
Very interesting, and it makes total sense. I’m marrying an adrenaline junkie and so I anticipate my worry levels will climb higher each year we are together!
Hmm I developed a crazy fear of flying (among other irrational fears) halfway through our relationship…never thought the two could be connected though! Interesting
Ha Ha I too “decided it would be worth while to jump out of a perfectly good airplane” at 18. Now at the ripe old age of 28 I get butterflies in my stomach and my palms get sweaty just thinking about it.
This is pretty interesting. I’m an anomaly though since I’m in an LDR I’m more excited about flying since it means I’ll be on my way to seeing the mister. I wonder if that’ll change when we’re finally physically together.
My aunt developed a strong fear of flying after she had kids, so it makes sense to me! I’ve always been afraid of flying, and if anything my fear has gotten better. However, in the past years the only times I’ve flown have been with him so I figured thats why I wasn’t so scared (he lets me cuddle during takeoff and landing :P)
I haven’t experienced this, but I haven’t had to go on a plane since I met my fiance. He did develop this fear, though. When I met him, he was dead set on jumping out of a plane with his little sister on her 21st birthday. He used to tell me I’d have to deal with it. Then her birthday came along, and he chickened out. He told me he realized he couldn’t do it anymore. It’s weird how the mind works!
This is so fascinating, Aardvark! I’ve lived with the irrational fear of my beloved (whose father was killed in a car accident before he was born!) being killed/catastrophically injured the same way. In the 4 yrs we’ve been together, he’s gotten used to calling me as soon as he gets to his destination! You are SO not alone!
I personally have not experienced this, but I know my fiance has. He wrote once about his personal experiences during his deployments and we have discussed all the possibilities and all that he has set up differently, to take care of me, just to make sure. These are things I never want to think about - but its out there. Currently we are separated by miles and the things I miss most are the little things. Coffee made just the way I like it, dishes washed after I cook, and taking our dog out in the morning so I can leave my bed head just the way it is a little longer.
WOW…this happened to me and I didn’t realize it! I thought it was just “getting older” or something, but I can directly trace my “raised level of anxiousness about flying” to when Mr. Red and I started going out. Thanks for that fact, I’ll keep it in mind when I’m clutching the armrests flying home for Thanksgiving! :-O
That’s such an interesting connection! I never had heard about it. I personally get more worried about Mr. Mole’s safety when he drives to work. LA traffic!
My dad is a commercial airline pilot and I have spent most of my life flying. I have traveled all over the world, maintained a cross-continental relationship (requiring multiple 9+ hour flights per year), and even now I usually fly domestically 6-10 times a year, on average. In the past few years I have also developed flying anxiety. I wouldn’t say fear, per se, but what used to be super simple and easy now makes me nervous. My palms sweat. I feel ill. I have trouble sleeping on planes, or if I doze off and there is any turbulence I wake up in a sweaty panic. The international flights are getting harder to handle. I sometimes wake up halfway through the flight and freak out thinking we are over the Atlanta or Pacific Oceans so far from any civilization or help.
Anyway, just wanted to say that you are not alone! And even if it doesn’t seem rational or logical, it happens. I wish I had some advice, but I guess I could just say that my dad and step mom have been on commercial planes for 25+ years and have NEVER had a single problem on a plane.
Yes. Once we got engaged, I was like “BE CAREFUL.” I was worried about driving, flying, others’ driving…it was intense. Oddly enough, this has relaxed somewhat since we have been married. Weird.
I’d never heard of this before, but it makes so much sense! I’ve always been a bit of a worrier, so maybe I wouldn’t notice an increase! 
Holy Cow! I realized this was a thing (I mean I wrote about it) but I had no idea how common it was! Just another reason I love the Bee!
Wow, I’ve never heard of this before! But maybe that’s because I’ve always had a teensy little fear of flying. Let’s just say I’m thankful that most of the time I get to fly with Mr. P now!
I’ve hadn’t heard of this, but thanks for an interesting post. And I’ve always wanted to go skydiving! Lucky you.
Ugh. I hate flying. It use to be no big deal to me. When I was little I loved it, now I hate it. I have to like knock myself out to fly. I always attributed it to possibly 9/11, but also the fact that I just do not understand how they work haha. I have flown a lot too, but I never made this connection. So interesting!
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Miss Aardvark, Beaver Dam, WI Age and Occupation: 23, Assistant Product Manager Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Business Analyst Engagement Date: May 28th, 2011 Wedding Date: April 2012 Venue: St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co. About Me: I am a resourceful lady who love surprises and adventure. At the same time, I value traditions, family and friends. I like to make crafty messes, sometimes, clean them up, and do pretty much anything outdoors. The Mister and I are pretty avid cyclists---we have nine bikes in our home right now...and one motorcycle! We both enjoy eating food we can't pronounce (language doesn't really matter) and going places we've never been. We currently reside in rural Wisconsin, enjoying the cheese and beer it has to offer, and getting outside whenever we can!
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