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Let me tell you something.
Being married is awesome. But post wedding emotions are so confusing!
Like Mrs. Panther wrote about recently, I am having a lot of post-wedding feelings. Like, a LOT. And they are all jumbled up and are making me feel really confused and emotional and disorganized and stressed and happy.
First off, I think, like many of you who posted on Mrs. Panther’s posts, I just feel a bit of a void where wedding planning was.
At least if everything else sucked, like laundry and work, I could immerse myself in some wedding craft and imagine our Big Day. And when things in other areas slacked, I told myself “After the wedding, I’ll tackle that.” Well, now it’s after the wedding, and there’s a long, scary list of things that need to be dealt with but nothing to really daydream about, and frankly, it sucks. Like, literally is sucking the life out of me. Like a dementor.
Image via Twenteen Something
I’m also in this weird place where I get so happy when I look at pictures our friends have taken, but get really sad and disappointed and annoyed at certain things that did NOT happen. For instance, these ugly chairs which were supposed to be hidden away were in plain sight when people pulled up to our venue and while we were all walking out of the barn for the ceremony. Not cool.
Seriously? What is all that crap in the background????
Plus most of the poms I worked so hard on were not even displayed! Is this lack of follow through on someone else’s part, or lack of communication on mine? I’m not sure…probably a combination. And yes, I KNOW these are tiny details but they are sticking in my brain and will not go away.
But…being married is so much better. I thought it would feel the same. I mean, Mr. M and I have been together for a bazillion years already. We’ve lived together for years. What could change?
It feels like it did change though, and in a really good, awesome, surprising way. I think we really are in the honeymoon phase. We’re more careful with each other…we’re kinder with each other…we’ve become a strong team that is working together. You know, in the whole twelve days we’ve been married.
But…that whole team approach mentality has also caused a lot of stress on me, because I am still in the “starting my own business” phase and am really feeling a lot of financial strain, especially after all those wedding costs. I’m worried I’m not contributing enough financially, or that I spent too much on the wedding. I’m freaked out that we’re never gonna be able to have kids because we just can’t afford them. Plus I want to go on another honeymoon already!
Then I feel guilty, for feeling like this after we had such a beautiful wedding and now I’m married to an awesome guy. Shouldn’t I be totally blissed out?
Too many feelings. Can you relate?
This post captured my feelings perfectly. I got married in mid-October and it was truly wonderful. In fact, it exceeded my expectations. But I too am focusing on the things that did not happen. I need to learn to let go and be thankful I had a wedding that was even better than what I imagined.
I think the passage of time will certainly help. I’m starting to feel like my normal self, rather than crazy, stressed out bride. It’s hard to let go after I’ve been immersed in wedding wold for 2+ years. I’ve been feeling very blah since the wedding because of the void the wedding has left. But I’m in a new job and need to put my focus on that as well as just keeping busy with life itself.
Good luck to you and I looj forward to your recaps!
Oh my goodness! I am sure I will feel the same way! If it helps at all, I just saw your amazing flowers and dress (and of course you!) and would not have seen the chairs if you had not menttioned them!
YES! I can totally relate Magic. I too have little dumb details from the day that I just can’t get out of my head, like all of the poms we made not being able to be displayed b/c we couldn’t have our reception outdoors due to rain and our wedding party entrance song not be started on time and half the wedding party coming in with no music….total sadface about that. Not to mention my hair falling apart b/c of all the insane humidity and heat. BUT it seriously was such a fun day, I just wish I could get those dumb details out of my head. I guess it comes from having spent 1+ years planning the wedding and reading so many blogs that featured perfect images…..just makes me thankful for posts like yours that highlight the realities of wedding day expectations and how you feel after. Time will really help on this one I think, keep your head up!
Can we be best friends? Like, can you just move down here and start your business here? Mr. Magic won’t mind. Of course I can’t move. Duh. I can totally totally relate though! I commented about most of it on Mrs. Panther’s post, but I also relate with feeling kinder toward Mr. Ladyfingers. Weird, huh? Wonder how long it will last… 
You summed this up PERFECTLY! It’s been a little less than 2 months and I’m still having these happy/melancholy swings (though much less dramatically). I love being married, but miss the sense of purpose that came with wedding planning. I’ve kept myself busy, but I need come up with a long-term project to quench that need-to-plan thirst!
Depending on the day, I feel differently about the wedding. Some days, I don’t think about it at all. Other days I think about how great it was and how happy I felt (and post recap photos gushing) and some days, I get stuck on the details that didn’t quite go right (or the photo that didn’t get taken) and end up obsessing. I also have this strange fear of forgetting the day as the little details slip from memory with time passing.
I think once everything’s finally wrapped up (thank you notes totally done, guest photos collected, albums completed) I’ll be a bit less wrapped up in the details and will just have happy thoughts. Can’t wait until that time comes!
Ok, that picture is perfect for this post.
And, I definitely have many of the feelings you have described, it’s a life change for sure.
I think it’s natural to feel that hole - I STILL feel it, even months later. And yes, it’s super easy to get caught up in the little things from the day - but just remember, NOBODY will remember the stacked chairs in the background of your walking down the aisle when they have YOU to focus on!!! XXX
This is me exactly. We got married in May, I moved into our house (H was already living there) and then last month we moved cross country for H’s job transfer. With all the crazy going on, I find myself wishing to go back to the excitement of wedding planning and haivng the big day to look forward to again! Being married is a blast, but hainvg spent a year and a half drooling over the details, it’s kind of a letdown to not have some exciting little detail to spend an hour tracking down online while H is travelling for work. :-S
I’m working on putting together our album, and albums for our parents for christmas, and I’m in the same boat as a lot of you–I love looking at the pictures, but everything went by so fast I am afraid I will forget as time goes on. And there’s that one thing that was messed up by our cake lady and is in ALL the cake pictures that keeps bothering me.
Thank you so much for writing this post. I have really been wrestling with my post-wedding feelings and struggling with who to turn to. For the life of me I cannot stop thinking about the cake stand that the venue forgot to put out. Seriously, a cake stand (but it was really important to me and I didn’t notice it wasn’t there until the night was done). Well, that and the fact that I really wish I hadn’t fiddled with my hair. But seriously, I feel so guilty that I had the day of my dreams, am married to the most amazing man, feel like I had the wedding I’ve always wanted and cannot stop thinking about a two-foot piece of metal. And I’ve been ashamed to admit to my family and friends that I’m feeling this way. So I’ve thrown myself back into school and thank yous and catching up and I’ve really noticed that in the past week the thoughts have started to diminish. We’ve been married for almost two months and I really feel like there will come a time when I forget about the silly cake stand. Until then, THANK YOU for posting this and validating how I’ve been feeling.
This is so crazy — I haven’t been on Wedding Bee since our wedding 3 months ago, but I was looking for a distraction today (I must be finally getting through all those things that I also said I would do after the wedding :), I popped on the site, and your post was the first I saw!
Even though we are a little less newly wed, this sums up my feelings exactly too. There were about 5 things that happened at the wedding that made my heart sink when I looked back at them (for example, I’m kicking myself for missing talking to my favorite aunt and I feel like I ruined the father/daughter dance by telling my dad to slow down the whole time), and I’m actually just starting to make peace with them now.
And I agree that, while I thought things wouldn’t been different between us after the wedding, they were somehow. I’m glad that they are. The being married part of the wedding is pretty darn good 
You want to know what I look forward to after the wedding? Having time to craft and bake all of the stuff I’ve pinned on Pinterest!!! I’m so not even kidding! ha ha I’m sure I will have some bummed feelings anyway.
I felt a little bit like that after I took my qualifying exams. I studied for a year — and then it was over! I kept having the feeling that I was forgetting to do something major for the next month or so.
I’m curious if I will feel the same way about my wedding!
Aaaamen. I totally thought life would be way less stressful once the wedding was over. And boyyy was I wrong. But! I’m really happy with the marriage part.
This exactly. I LOVE being married and at almost two months we are very much in the be very kind to each other all the time. I’m finally starting to get over my anger of some things that happened. I wasn’t angry at the time and mostly they were minor things, but after the wedding as I thought about them and then these few things together I was angry. I’m starting to get over it now. I’m finding I have a lot of time on my hands that I don’t really know what to do with. My one last wedding related task would be thank you cards. I’ve been procrastinating and I think it is because deep down I know once those are done then all things wedding will be finished, and then what?
Thank you so much for posting this! I have been feeling the same way as well. I’m in the triangle too! I just got the pictures in today and they have brought back so many of the wonderful memories.
I do find myself feeling like this or that could be different. I felt like my dress was not bustled correctly, should have worn more makeup, should have worm my veil higher etc etc.
But man, my photographer got all the wonderful moments
Yep, I totally can relate! Being married is awesome, but as with all things in life, nothing is ever perfect. I’m in the weird transitioning into a new city and a new career place, and it’s tough, especially when Mr. P already has a network in LA. Let’s just say I’ll be happy when I hit my own groove again. And I really need some cheap post wedding projects ASAP!
I have wildly mixed feelings after the wedding. I worked soooo hard and I did it all on my own–because I had to–my girls could not be there either physically or emotionally (cuz of their own stuff) and my fam was out of state and my hubby was pretty out of it 
He appreciates it all now and I think feels badly but…
Anyway, the details were so beautifully coordinated…and the music, the ceremony, the reception, the traditions…all charted out so thoughtfully. The whole affair was understated elegance if I may say so myself. I was mostly elated and proud.
That said, there are several bothersome things that happened that were not my fault (communicated VERY clearly verbally and in writing to vendors). These things come to mind sometimes and make me MAD.
One thing is the MC of the band. I gave him a detailed timeline and script well in advance and met with him prior to the day–and he still managed to mess it up BADLY. Also, my stylist did a trial with rollers, but brought pins to my site and my hair fell….unfrigginacceptable to change style techniques the day-of. And then what was the point of the [costly and time consuming] trial?
Lots of other “little” stuff that happened that is really quite unexcusable. And I am not being a bridezilla–I hate that–I was a CUSTOMER and several vendor services were not handled well and/or according to CONTRACT…period
On the day of, I let it all go…and I actually wish now that I hadn’t!
BEES, stand your ground on your day! Don’t have a hissy fit or meltdown, but don’t let all of your instructions and plans fall to the wayside on the actual day!!! Everyone wants you to relax, but to expect you to allow everything to go to crap when it it actually counts makes no sense….
Sigh….but the thing that bothers me most is my MIL and SILs. They never said one nice thing to me on my wedding day…not one… I know they did not like the style of my wedding and the venue because they wanted me to have they same wedding and reception they all did, but that is soooo beyond the point. You say nice things to be generous and GRACIOUS. It doesn’t really matter what your opinion is… Have some manners, show some support.
During the honeymoon, I thought A LOT about how nasty my MIL was, I couldn’t get her sour faces during the rehearsal and the reception out of my head. If I could change one thing that was in my control, I would switch seats so that I was not facing her during the reception. BEES, if your MIL is not nice, do not face her during your whole reception—holy crap!
I could go on, but let me close by saying….your post-wedding feelings are valid. You are not crazy. You poured your heart and soul into not only a huge event, but a huge life change. After all of that PRESSURE, don’t continue to pressure yourself to feel awesome. Let yourself feel what you feel…
Many of the brides that I look after feels the exact same way as you hun. It’s very mentally exhaustive!
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Mrs. Magic, Chapel Hill, NC Age and Occupation: 30, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Researcher Engagement Date: December 1, 2009 Wedding Date: October 2011 Venue: Barn at Valhalla About Me: I’m a tall drink of water (5’10”!) and a Southern bride with an enormous appetite for Mexican food, good deals, anything French, and all things wedding! By day I am lucky enough to work with individuals with autism and their families. By night, I’m even luckier to be able to spend time hanging out with awesome friends, crafting, shopping, thinking about exercising, and kicking it with Mr. Magic and our two cats. I tend to have sudden, intense cravings that will not be denied (seafood enchiladas! new jeans!) and I’m prone to being a disorganized mess of anxiety and stress. After waiting (and waiting!) to get engaged, I am finally planning the colorful, fun, fabulously awesome Fall wedding of our dreams. In an effort to share the fun and craziness that is wedding planning, I’m gonna blog about it for y’all---the good, the bad, and the pretty!
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