My wedding dress was discontinued shortly before I started my wedding-dress search. I was lucky enough to stumble upon a sample of this lovely gown at a bridal salon in Los Angeles. Furthermore, because the dress could no longer be ordered, the salon was selling the dress at a deep discount: 67% off. The only catch to this sweet price? I had to accept that particular dress on that particular day. I couldn’t get the dress in a different color. I couldn’t get it with a different hem length. And, most importantly, I couldn’t get it in a different size. It was going to be size 10 or bust (out of the seams).
The dress fit perfectly. Yet realizing this gave me serious pause: a size 10 is both a smaller size and a bigger size than I ever imagined being on my wedding day. Say what? Let me explain.
Growing up, I struggled with my weight. By struggled with my weight, I really mean that I struggled with being overweight. I was fairly active in sports, but I was always the heaviest one on the softball or swim team. I grew to be a junior size 9 before I even graduated into junior high. I bounced between a 10 and a 14 in high school. In college, I maintained a size 14–16. I lacked confidence, so I hid my body behind oversized cardigans and baggy sweatshirts. I also wore a lot of black, clinging to the idea that it was “slimming.” At my highest, I probably weighed 230 pounds.
Trying to blend into the background
So if anyone had told a younger version of me that someday I would walk down the aisle in a size 10 wedding gown, strapless no less, I would have been shocked.
One day in 2006, as I was complaining to my best friend about my lack of dating success, something in my head just clicked. How was I going to attract the type of person I wanted to be with if I weren’t the type of person I wanted to be? I have to be clear that the type of person I wanted to be was not necessarily “skinny” or even “average weight.” I wanted to be a person who was in shape—and not someone who huffed and puffed up the stairs to her classrooms. I wanted to be a person who was confident—and not someone who was always checking mirrors and asking for reassurance that she looked OK. (Not beautiful, even. Just OK.) I wanted to be a person who had hobbies and activities—and not someone who always plopped down on the couch after work, grabbing for the remote and calling for Thai food.
So I made a change. I signed up for a gym membership, and I made sure that I went three days a week. At first, I only started by doing 20–30 minutes on the recumbent bike. Eventually, I worked my way up to the elliptical. Then I started taking some aerobics and weightlifting classes. Finally, I talked myself into getting on the treadmill. Running had always been my least favorite exercise. Honestly, why would I want to bounce and jiggle and get crimson faced? But I ran a mile that day, the first time that I had done so since 1998. I felt terribly exhaused, but I also felt absolutely exhilarated.
I kept on running, increasing my stamina and my speed. I ran a 5k, then a 10k, and then a half-marathon. Ultimately, I ran three marathons. I qualified for the Boston Marathon at my first marathon, and I went on to run it in 2009 and 2010. Running gave me everything that I felt that I was lacking: good cardio health, increased confidence, an actual hobby. Check, check, and check. A side benefit of all of that running? A total weight loss of about 90 pounds. I reached my driver’s license weight of 140.
From a 14/16 to a 2/4
I even bought my first bikini—and allowed photographs of me in it.
So, when I was a size 2/4, I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I would be back up to a size 10—even in crazy bridal sizing. That scenario soon presented itself: I hurt my Achilles tendon in the 2010 Boston Marathon and stopped running, I started a stressful job with long hours, and I stopped caring about what I ate. In less than a year, I gained about 30 pounds. Ack.
Now, in preparation for both the wedding and the rest of my life, I am trying to find a happy and healthy medium. I am back to working out five to six times a week and eating a balanced diet. I know that I am losing weight, but I don’t know (or necessarily care) how much. I just want to get back to a point where I am that person who I want to be: healthy, confident, active in hobbies. I feel like I am getting there again. In the end, I am looking forward to wearing my size-10 dress, although, if I’m truly being honest, I wouldn’t mind if it had to be taken in a size or two.
Size 6/8 again
Have you struggled with your weight or size? Do you find that your wedding affects these struggles at all?
I just want to say I think you look fantastic in all your pictures!!!
that’s seriously amazing, especially the running!! wow, way to go!!
Greatings from a 14. I have always struggled. I refuse to accept it and have avoided ordering my dress. I’ve always struggled. I tell people I work out 3-5 times a week, not to be skinny, but not to get bigger. I hope I can get down to an 8 or a 10 by wedding day. Thanks for this post.
I always read your posts because you seem so beautiful inside and out. I think you are gorgeous and I’m shocked that you’ve ever had weight issues. My wedding is 11 months away and it’s hard to be happy because weight has ALWAYS been an issue for me. You will absolutely be a beautiful bride 
i so hear you. after i graduated college (at my heaviest weight) something clicked for me as well. I suddenly started visualizing a thinner version of myself. Like you, I magically began to enjoy (the effects if not the act of) running. I dropped 20 lbs and was the thinnest I’d been since age 13. then i moved out of my parents house and in with my then bf now FI, work got busy & it was much harder to eat right. i also got stuck at a weight that looking back i should have been sooo happy with, but at the time it felt like “ugh i have to work this hard for the rest of my life just to maintain this” and i let myself fall off track. here i am now close to my original weight and 10 months away from wedding day (plenty of time! i tell myself). but somehow i still can’t fully tap into that super motivated version of myself. i’m working on it, and getting there. but the biggest hurdle for me – i’m curious if it’s been this way for you too – has been forgiving myself for failing the first time around. gotta let it go. good luck to you! you look wonderful in that last picture & you’ll certainly make a beautiful bride. thanks for sharing, i think a lot of girls are in the same boat.
Dude, you are gorgeous!
Also, I wore a size 10 on my wedding day. I typically wear a 4/6. So yeah. Wedding dress sizes are whack!!
I love stories like this! You’re an inspiration Miss Mole! 
Maybe you don’t know that wedding gowns are sized differently. A size 10 gown is more like a street size 6/8, so don’t worry about the number! And you look amazing by the way.
THAT IS AWESOME!!! And its a very, whats the word, Inspiring story!!
and Good for you!!!!
That is so inspiring! You look amazing and will be beautiful on your wedding day! I have a few pounds to lose before my wedding, maybe 10 and am trying the running route too!
I wish I could lose that much weight; I am terribly out of shape, and about to be a bridesmaid!! Did u do any dieting?
You look great, I never would have guessed that you had struggled with weight. Do you have any tips as to how you were able to become such an avid runner? I have done 5Ks but can’t seem to increase my distance.
I have always struggled with my weight. I am one of 2 girls and my sister was always taller and thinner than me. She had a baby a year ago and is back to her pre baby weight and even weighs less than me now after I lost 12lbs before the wedding. I have a small top and a rather large bottom so when my very fitted dress was ordered in a size 6 (dunno how they came up with that when at the time I was a street size 8 on the bottom and a 4 on top), it didn’t fit and had to be exchanged for the next size up. When that one came in it was still tight on the hips and very large on top after the weight loss. After alterations it fit great at the last fitting but tomorrow is my final fitting and i haven’t been working out due to a move 2 weeks ago and lack of gym membership. I have been monitoring my diet but with the cold weather approaching it has gotten harder and harder. With 2 weeks to go I’m just hoping that everything works itself out. I’m sure you will look gorgeous on your big day and keep up the good work!
Ugh.. I have 30lbs to lose before my wedding. I ordered the dress in a snug fit of a 16. I’m tall though and at my smallest I’ve only ever been an 8 still.. that is half in dress sizes. Thank you for your story. I haven’t been that good lately about getting to the gym this week – I think I might just do that Mahalo!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us! And girl, you look amazing in all your pictures! I also bought a size 10 wedding dress, and even though I know it’s wedding dress sizing, it was a tough pill to swallow, and yes, I was happy when they took it in a size. But mainly because I was working really hard to lose some extra weight, and I wanted that lost weight to translate to lost dress sizes! I know that no matter what the tag says on your dress, you will look gorgeous on your wedding day!
Trust me, you are not alone but I just wanted to let you know that I find your story really inspiring. This summer I hit my highest weight to date – 270lbs. Even just writing that makes me want to smack myself for letting it happen! Getting engaged and realizing that we want to conceive shortly after the wedding has really changed my perspective on things. I don’t want any of our future kids to have to go through the weight struggles I’ve had my entire life and how can I expect them not to when I’m not setting the proper example for them?
I decided that my new life started November 1st and even though I’m only a week and a bit in, I already feel so much better and know without a doubt that I will succeed and be able to walk down that aisle with my head held high – I’ll still have work to do after the wedding to get to my goal weight but to be able to start my life with FI as a much healthier and happier person is all the motivation I need.
You are beautiful and inspiring and I know that you’ll get back to where you feel happiest and healthiest too!
Your post made me cry. I used to be a size 6 until two years ago, when I met The Mister. For some reason, I just stopped going to the gym and caring about what I ate. The result? I am now 20 pounds heavier (when you’re 4’11″ like me, that is a HUGE amount) and I can’t fit into the size 10 pants I bought earlier this year. I, too, want to look and feel my best…not just on my wedding day, but until I’m put in the ground! Your words have given me hope and encouragement. Thanks.
@regberadaisy: Thank you! I appreciate your kind words!
@sarah: Thanks! Running was really a lifesaver for me, in many ways.
@knvprincess143: It’s hard, I’m not going to lie. There were dozens and dozens of days where it was a HUGE struggle to get to the gym — especially when it seemed like the weight came off SO slowly in the beginning. But it really helped when I concentrated on the “getting healthy/fit” aspect, not the “losing weight” part.
@Mrs. Guitar Picker: That is a HUGE compliment; thank you! It’s hard when weight is always an issue; it sometimes takes me awhile to turn my thinking around into something more positive. “My thighs are big” –> “My thighs just helped me run 5 miles.” I bet you will look lovely and be happy on your wedding as well.
@call_me_ktb: Thanks for sharing your story as well! It’s nice to know that there are other people out there with the same struggles. It is so easy to get into the following mindset: “Those other girls don’t have to workout everyday/watch their calories/skip desserts, so it’s not fair that I do! I deserve a break from this!” Ultimately, I have to just remember that I am not like those other girls — and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with me or my body. It just means that I have to work a little harder or stay at the gym a little longer to maintain my weight.
@Mrs. Candy Apple: It’s true! I wish that I wouldn’t get so tied up in sizes. I KNOW that they are arbitrary — but I still pay attention to them. Ugh. Thanks for the compliment!
@FutureMrsRugbee: Aww, thank you! I need this post to inspire myself right about now too. 
@coasterkim: You are absolutely right! Thanks for the reminder. I need to tell myself that the size is less important than my fitness/health more often.
@MeganTacky2247: Thanks so much!
@Westvillebride: Running has been amazing for my weight loss. What I find that helps when running is doing some intervals. Now, I am not necessarily doing HIIT (high intensity interval training) all of the time, but I find that switching the speeds up by even 15-30 seconds/mile on the treadmill keeps my mind occupied and thus keeps me going for longer.
@Rita Wasie: Thanks! If I could do it, anyone could! I didn’t follow any specific diet per se, but I did count calories and journal what I ate each day in the beginning of my weight loss. I aimed for 1700-1800 calories per day. Once I got a feeling for how many calories were in the foods that I liked to eat and how big a proper portion was, I was able to move away from the counting.
@ocelott: Good question! I am a HUGE fan of Hal Higdon’s training programs. Once I was able to run a 5k, I started following the 10k beginner’s training program. (I think that program begins with a long run of 3 miles.) I liked having a plan that allowed me to gradually increase my mileage each run and each week. Once I ran a 10k, I worked my way through the half-marathon program. Etc. I also am a big proponent of doing lots of cross-training during any of these programs. It allowed me to increase my cardio fitness without subjecting my knees/joints to runs all of the time.
@MissPine: Thank you!
@Viviana: My sister is the same way: tall and thin. She’s never had any problems with her weight. Anyway, I bet you are going to look lovely in your dress! And I totally agree with the cold weather doldrums; it’s hard to get out and about when all you want to do is curl up. I just made sure that I always had workout clothes in my car so I had no excuse not to stop at the gym on the way to or from work.
@Mrs. Pony: Thank you!
@Miss Ke Aloha: Good luck at the gym! I always recommend trying out new classes to switch things up. For example, I love my new step class, and I hate having to miss it.
@Mrs. Parasol: Thanks so much! If only that pesky — and meaningless — number weren’t such a sticking point for so many women. You looked great in your dress!
Mrs. Mole, Los Angeles/Las Vegas Age and Occupation: 29, Test Prep Instructor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, User Experience Architect Engagement Date: April 2011 Wedding Date: January 2012 Venue: Wynn Las Vegas/Bouchon Bistro About Me: I’m a Wisconsinite-turned-Angeleno who is planning a destination wedding in Las Vegas. I am passionate about education: I spent 23 (!) consecutive years in school, and now I work to help other people get into graduate programs. I love running on the treadmill, buying bath products from Lush, learning new moves in step aerobics, and exploring my neighborhood on foot. I am sometimes snobby about food, but I am rarely snobby about books. I read everything from Geoffrey Chaucer to Iris Murdoch to Chuck Klosterman to Candace Bushnell. My fiance and I are getting married on our third anniversary!
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