- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
I thought this was a problem for us because many of our friends and acquaintances have not been around weddings much and therefore don’t know the rules. RULES! (Don’t you just feel like you’re going to get your knuckles smacked when something wedding related isn’t just right sometimes? ) More and more I see on the boards and blogs that this is an across-the board-problem.
As frustrating as the question can be, I guess I’m a little flattered that so many people either really like us or think our wedding is going to be a good enough time to want in on. I’m alright with both of those. But what do you say back when someone asks if they can come to your wedding? Sometimes I just want to smile awkwardly and then get angry with myself for not locating the nearest emergency exits when I entered the building.
What normally ends up happening is that I thank them for wanting to come but then apologize that we can’t invite them. I’ll follow that up with the explanation that we’re trying to keep things small and we weren’t even able to invite all of our family. This usually diffuses any awkwardness and keeps friends as friends.
Have people you don’t intend to invite to your wedding asked you if they’re invited? What do you say to them?
Pssh, girl, we have had soooo many people ask us this. Apparently, a same-sex wedding held at an Aquarium and a cocktail hour including a live penguin is news that travels fast.
My FI is in the Natl. Guard and all 47 (47!!!) of her soldiers wanted to be invited…that’s 94 more people once you get the +1s involved….nipped that one in the bud, right away.
You’re right though, it’s flattering that people like you all enough that they want to come…but come on, we’re grown ups. Have some tact!! Sounds like you handle things beautifully though!! 
How funny that I come into work, and get on this site, and this is the 1st thing I see. FI and I JUST had this discussion last night.
He is NOT good with understanding how much per person a wedding really is. We have 150 guests, knocked down from 200, and apparently he has told about 30 people that “yup, your on the list” and they are NOT on the list. lol. So, he is upsetting many people,, or will be upsetting people. haha.
I on the other hand am taking a more indirect approach ” well, the budget is really tight, and your ABSOLUTELY on my B list, and I hope you can be on my A list. Sorry” and I give kinda a, if you will, puppy dog face.
The whole thing stinks!! lol
Oh my, we have all kinds of people doing this exact thing to both myself and my FI. A girl I met like twice said, I hope I’m invied. She is a friend of mine’s cousin. Come on, really? Racoon you’re right it is flattering. Since we are having a backyard wedding and no venue to answer to, we may tell the acquaintances they can come to the after party around 8 or 9. We are not sure yet.
Luckily this has only happened to me once. And being completely flustered I said “Of coooourse you’re invited!” (Yes, I suck at telling people no.) I have been asked plenty of times if friends will be allowed plus-ones. That one has been easier for me to tackle for some reason.
It sounds like you handle it way better than I did. I just invited them and prayed our numbers would work out.
@futuremrswifey: Your wedding does sound like a great time and celebration of your love! Who wouldn’t want to go? 94 additions would be hard to handle.
@MeganTacky2247: It does stink! Good luck with figuring out the invites and hopefully everyone will understand in the end!
@knvprincess143: If it’s what you want, having other friends join later in the night sounds like a good compromise to me. It would add to the party!
@Mrs. Pony: Eek! I am way too nervous of a person. It looks like everything worked out perfectly for you guys though. Your teaser picture was fantastic and I’m really excited to see more!
@Miss Hawk: Oh man. Plus ones are where I’ve been giving the “Of coooourse they’re invited!” when asked. If you have any tips, please let me know!
That happens to us probably on a weekly basis! Our problem is we are inviting 300 people… People hear 300 people and they automatically assume “Oh my god! Well that means you can invite everyone and I am included in that 300 people”. So they start going on and on and asking me questions, how excited they are, they hope they’re in town. So I stop the question at the source… People do not realize, my fiance and I are both mexican… being mexican that kind of means HUGE FAMILY with one side let alone both sides of our family. Haha. So when they ask how many people we are inviting I promptly say, “300. But we’ve already had to cut a lot of people to make room for our family and close friends, so it is really hard”. Which isn’t a lie at all, we have. But that automatically clicks something in their head that says “oh I may not be invited” or “oh that is a touchy subject maybe I shouldn’t talk about inviting myself or ask if I am even invited”. And the same can go for any plus one questions or anything like that. I mean on one hand I feel cruel, but on the other it’s getting hard honestly because we are having to cut a lot of people. I think maybe 50 of the people we are inviting are close friends.. And I mean close like we’ve known them all our lives. So For us it’s a little difficult because we do have friends we’ve known for a year or something like that. We are trying to find small ways to cut.. But who knows.. We’ll see…. That’s just my advice and what I say.. GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!!!!! xoxo
Ugh this just happened to us. My FI’s sister’s friend from high school, to clarify he was his sisters friend not FI’s, said to my FI, “we’re (him and his partner) invited right? We better be invited!” I wasn’t there but FI panicked and said, “ya… We’re about to send out save the dates,” I was pretty mad, if I was there I would have said, oh we’re so happy you would want to come but it’s a small wedding mostly family. N
At my FH’s aunts wake last night, his cousin jokingly says how my FI will b married, 10yrs after her grand daughter and comments on how back in the day he had do many girls. Then she realizes I’m standing there n comments on when our wedding is because she really needs a wedding right about now. All I could do was zip my mouth. Half his family (including) her doesn’t talk n there’s no way I want attitudes like THAT there when we get married! I’m still annoyed about her comments.
@gonzos2007: Instead of answering the question “how many people,” answer the question “how close are the people you are inviting so I know if I’m on the list or not.” The response can be “Oh, we’re doing a very family-oriented wedding. Almost everyone we’re inviting is family!”
No one asked us this. Probably because we invited pretty much everyone. 
This is seriously the worst.
When people invite themselves to our wedding, I ignore them or immediately change the subject. It might be rude, but they don’t seem to notice
I dread this question. I tried to sidestep this by writing on the invitation the specific name(s) of invitees, and on the reception card the “X number of seats reserved for your party” I think/hope/pray that most people got the message as only two people came back and asked to bring their girlfriend/boyfriend. To which we replied that numbers are tight, we’ve had to cut close friends already; and they’ll be first to take any spare seats, but we’ll put Y on the list and we’ll let you know closer to the time when we have a clearer picture of numbers. No sugar coating for my guests!
But the old “oh I cant wait to go to the wedding!” awkward conversation…. you’ve got to play the family card
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Raccoon, Indianapolis Age and Occupation: 22, Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Graduate Student Engagement Date: Christmas 2010 Wedding Date: January 2012 Venue: Catholic Church, Chateau Thomas Winery About Me: I'm a wholesome Midwestern girl, TV series junkie, professional shower singer, and Anglophile. I love my fiance, crock pot cooking, my cat Heepo, going for the gusto, and all things wedding. Mr. Raccoon is pretty sweet, too! He’s a mad scientist that loves to travel. We met my first night on campus and have been inseparable since.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics