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I know this is silly, but I think it’s human nature (or maybe its just me and I’m rationalizing!). I have found myself comparing my wedding to a wedding of a friend who is getting married around the same time Mr. Hawk and I are. Trust me, it’s not a competitive streak of who is outdoing who, I feel, but rather a feeling that I am so behind on planning!
This couple, who are very close friends of Mr. Hawk’s, became engaged a few months after us; however, they decided to have a shorter engagement and get married a couple weeks before we will be married. I’ll admit that I was a bit surprised, but it didn’t bother me because I knew it was what would work best for them. (And they did it taking our wedding into consideration, which they definitely didn’t have to do!) What has begun to send me panicking is hearing the progress they’ve made.
Image Via Wallpaperez, From 20th Century Fox’s Bride Wars
Now, the bride-to-be is lucky in that she is the youngest of three girls. This isn’t her parents’ first wedding, and over the years they’ve gained some insight and developed contacts. Additionally, her reception is more of an all-inclusive deal with florist, catering, etc., which means less legwork to find individual vendors. I just feel like I’ve been working at this forever and am still far behind! When they booked their honeymoon, when they sent out their STDs, and when I found out the bridesmaids’ dresses were ordered, I felt a panic in my belly, and my mind started to race. Shouldn’t I have [insert task here] done by now? Am I behind?
Like I said earlier, I know it’s silly. I can’t say that I’ve completely overcome it yet, but I am trying to focus on us and all of our accomplishments to date. Being as type-A as I am, I know we’re not behind schedule because I keep that wedding checklist close to my side! I just have to keep telling myself that we are right where we are supposed to be.
Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to other brides? How do you get focused back on your own wedding?
My twin sister is getting married in January so I know how you feel!!! Our weddings are completely different though so that helps with the competition. I am sure half of our shared guests will prefer hers and the other half will prefer mine.
Even though we feel a little competitive, like who saved the most money on vendors, whose bridesmaid dresses are the best, etc., it is so much fun to have someone to share wedding fun and horror stories with!
Ugh, yes. I totally compared myself to other brides. I even found myself on facebook, looking at the wedding pictures of a girl I knew in GRADE SCHOOL and feeling jealous! (Also, it was really easy to compare, cuz we literally had some of our photos taken in the exact same location!) But…now that I’m married, for some reason, this comparison feeling is gone. I would have been worried that it’d be worse, but it seems to be better so far!
It’s SO easy to compare - I know that feeling all too well! Just remember, your weddings are going to be completely different, so don’t swear that small stuff & do things at your own pace. You’ll be fine!
I did the same thing. I was constantly comparing my wedding to my friends. I am a perfectionist. I was so worried that my friends wedding would be better than my own.
One of my littles is getting married three weeks before us. I keep swapping notes with her and freaking out when she has stuff done that we don’t (like a dress). All’s well that ends well, though.
I totally see this…although I am on the other end! I have two close friends getting married within the two months after me and they are sometimes astounded at the pace at which I am getting things done! (Not bragging, just a reality)
I just have to reassure them that I live in a bigger city where places need to be booked farther in advance, or that my job can often go crazy unexpectedly so I need to accomplish tasks as soon as possible! Or that because my bridesmaids are all over the country, I need to facilitate things amongst them when it’s possible.
As long as everything gets done by the day - that is all that truly matters!
All the best for your wedding!
FI and I have two sets of close friends who were engaged after us and getting married before us (the grooms, incidentally, are cousins). I haven’t found myself comparing too much, because the girls and I are just so utterly different. We all get along great and are friends, but one is younger and much trendier, one has been with her fiance for ten years and they’re just having a smallish wedding, and FI and I are having a bigger but more traditional wedding. FI, however, compares constantly! I’m sure he’ll calm down soon, but it really seems to be driving him nuts that, in his mind, as soon as we got engaged, two of his friends felt compelled to beat him down the aisle.
I thought this constantly while we were planning because I had so many other friends that were also getting married and were way ahead of me in planning! I just reminded myself that every wedding is different and that my priories were different than others and I’d done things they hadn’t done.
I feel the same way. My brother and his gf got engaged 3 months after us and she decided she wanted to get married on the same day…once that ordeal blew over she pushed it back two weeks and made a big fuss about having to push her wedding bck…now all i hear is megin this megin that she choose the same colors shes been sending pictures of the exact same dresses i send out for my wedding party…but shes only been engaged for a month and a half and shes already done sooo many tasks picked her dress …found a venue meeting with a baker for the cake…it makes me feel like im behind and kinda upset because they were the very first people we when we set our date because they live out of state…my brother was telling me that he didnt kno if he could make it out to my wedding because they cant afford it etc but then bam a few months later they are engaged and she has all this stuff taken care of for her wedding…now i’m sad because i feel behind on planning because i cant help but compare my self to her planning and i’m trying not to get upset because we really cant afford to to do all that stuff right now …we arent able to financially afford to do and pay for things in the sequence of a normal bride and groom…uhg 
Totally get it! One of my bridesladies is getting married three weeks before us, and she is SO on top of it. She had everyone get their dresses over the summer.. and my girls STILL don’t have theirs! It’s easy to compare and contrast and worry about what you do and don’t have done. But you know what? At the end of the day, you will indeed get it done, on your own timeline!
@SaraP2012: I’m with you. Although part of the time its frazzling, it can be really nice to have someone to share with as well.
@joy2011: I’m glad to hear that it’s a feeling that eventually passes.
@Mrs. Jaguar: Thanks for the encouragement. 
@bbilly83: I also sometimes suffer from perfectionism as well. It’s a blessing and a curse!
@Future Army Wife: You’re absolutely right. And we’ll both end up happily married!
@UrbanDreamBride: Location definitely does play a part in ease of booking vendors!
@pinkfrog: That’s interesting hearing from the groom’s side of things. I never even considered that they might feel competitive too!
@shawndy: I’m sorry you’re having a frustrating time. Just rest assured that everything will work out. I completely understand where you are coming from though.
@Miss Fox: You’re right. Now that I have a bit more done it’s easier for me to relax and feel at ease.
I try not to compare my planning to others. First off my wedding is unique from beginning to end and I’m planning the entire thing in seven months. So according to wedding scales and time lines I’m am way behind. I’m rather comfortable about the planning though.
I totally feel the same way. I wrote a very similar blog entry last week before we went to Florida (which I notice just posted today). Now I feel like some of the pressure is off; there are no other weddings between now and ours.
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Miss Hawk, Richmond, VA Age and Occupation: 26, Finance Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, District Supervisor Engagement Date: March 13, 2011 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: The Chapel of the Sir Christopher Wren Building, 2007 Legacy Hall About Me: I’m an Arizona-born girl who has spent the majority of my life living below the Mason-Dixon line. The South has definitely earned a special place in my heart (alongside my Virginia born and bred fiance, of course!). We are planning a traditional Christian ceremony at my alma mater in historic Williamsburg, Virginia, followed by a rocking reception filled with Southern cooking and vintage/shabby chic details. When we’re not wedding planning, we enjoy spending time with our three dogs, going for runs together, watching plenty of football (or baseball depending on the season), and sampling new wine.
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