Two Warblers, One Suitcase

Two Warblers, One Suitcase

November 26th, 2011 @ 12:35 pm by Miss Warbler
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In celebration of Gobble Gobble Day, Mr. Warbs and I drove up to Las Vegas to eat turkey and break in my sister’s new house. Oh yeah, and to gamble. It’s Vegas. The day before we set out, I found Mr. Warbs packing some clothes in my suitcase. His clothes in my suitcase. Now, we share a lot of things, but for some reason, I was really bothered by this. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Um, that’s my suitcase.

Mr. Warbs: Yeah, I’m just packing some stuff.

Me: So, I don’t get to use my suitcase?

Mr. Warbs: Yes, there’s plenty of room in here for your stuff too.

Me: What?

Mr. Warbs: We can share.

Me: …

I consider myself to be a logical person. I can see the logic behind only taking one suitcase for the both of us.

Since we weren’t going to stay very long, it made sense. There was enough space for both of our clothes and toiletries. I even managed to stuff a couple pairs of boots in there. But, the idea of sharing a suitcase weirded me out. Instead of my suitcase, it was now our suitcase. It made me feel like I was losing my individuality. I know that sentence was about a hundred times more dramatic than it needed to be, but that’s how I felt. Having my own space in our apartment and having something that I can call mine alone, is important to me. I love Mr. Warbs more than the sun, but I need to have my own things separate from us. I’m afraid that we might become a super “us” and our individuality will be sacrificed. I’ve seen couples that are so co-dependent on each other that they don’t function well when they’re apart. I don’t want that for us. I guess I’ve been on my own for so long, it’s going to take some time to get used to sharing everything. Since the Suitcase Incident, I’ve had a weird feeling about it and my strong reaction to it. I kind of feel like a crazy person.

What do you think, Hive? Have you ever struggled to maintain your individuality in your relationship?

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17 Responses to “Two Warblers, One Suitcase”

Guest

tessa

I totally understand how you feel, I feel the same way. My s.o. and I love each other so much, but I really need my own stuff and space. For example, I will always insist on having my own bank account, even if we also have a joined one.

11/26/11 @ 12:54 pm (reply)

Member

mrs oleander (message) 2 posts, Wannabee

Not to get all leather couch on you, but I don’t think the suitcase was the first time you felt like Mr. Warbs was encroaching on your individuality (you said it yourself you wanted to make sure that you diddnt turn into one of those super interdependent couples). So not to fear, yes your fear came out as irrational, however it is coming from a very rational place. It’s probably tims to talk to Mr. Warbs and make sure you are on the same page and that he knows it’s something you want to keep strong. Im sure he will completely understand and you will feel better your voice has been heard.

Ps. I love sharing a suitcase with my Mr. Oleander, means he gets to carry the darn thing around! Best wishes

11/26/11 @ 12:58 pm (reply)

Member

lazybee (message) 73 posts, Worker bee

I get where you’re coming from. My husband is like that, he likes his personal space and personal things, not too comfortable sharing. That was when we first met, and it bothered me. It took him a while to get used to sharing space, sharing things, even sharing a blanket in bed. After all, we’ve been together for 8 years. And I’m all more about sharing than he is, and I tend to be more needy when I’m with him, but I also enjoy being on my own. My husband is an only child, and I have siblings, so I think that has a lot to do with it. Anyway, we share suitcase space, but it’s usually me who needs more space, so he offers his suitcase, backpack, etc. Are we co-dependent? We are and we aren’t. Both of us do fine on our own, because we also really like just being on our own. I like having the house to myself, so does he. And when we enjoy spending time away from each other. So I wouldn’t worry about losing your individuality, because it’s really up to you. You’ll probably have to practice gently setting boundaries with your husband, and also maybe stretch your boundaries a little.

11/26/11 @ 1:34 pm (reply)

Member

Fixin2BMrs.Awesome (message) 229 posts, Helper bee

Oh hun, we had a similar suitcase situation last weekend… I totally understand your point! Besides, in MY suitcase I know where everything is… even if it gets strewn about. lol *hug*

11/26/11 @ 1:49 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Jaguar (message) 4,656 posts, Honey bee

We share suitcases all the time - we did on our honeymoon too. It gets more comfortable as you do it more. <– spoken by a true I DON’T SHARER.

11/26/11 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

Member

dustywrath (message) 65 posts, Worker bee

Sharing a suitcase is perfectly acceptable- definitely not something you should freak out over. My boyfriend and I share all the time (especially when there are expensive luggage charges for flights). HOWEVER, I understand that symbolically the suitcase was more than just a suitcase. And I respect your desire for independence. You definitely still want to be able to function without each other - those codependent couples that you mentioned scare me.

11/26/11 @ 2:09 pm (reply)

Member

Future Army Wife (message) 1,102 posts, Bumble bee

I def like having my own things and would probs be weirded out by sharing a suitcase.

11/26/11 @ 5:16 pm (reply)

Member

eeper (message) 485 posts, Helper bee

Ha - I totally get this! The first time he suggested we share the suitcase/s, I looked at him like he had 3 heads. Logically, yes, it’s the right thing to do, but I need my space, and I hate packing with him b/c we have totally different styles. We have since gone on a few trips since and it has gotten only marginally easier. I shouldn’t be surprised - we have lived together for 6 years and still do separate laundry!

11/26/11 @ 7:06 pm (reply)

Member

soontobeMrsEschberger (message) 346 posts, Helper bee

FI and I have been together for 4 years and we never share a suitcase (we actually just got back from traveling for Thanksgiving) - I just like having my own bag and I typically pack wayyy too much! Lol.

11/26/11 @ 8:04 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Warbler (message) 154 posts, Blushing bee

@tessa: I agree with you on having separate bank accounts. I like having my own for guilty pleasure purchases!
@mrs oleander: We kind of had a conversation after the trip. He says he understands, but I think he was just surprised at my reaction. And he DID carry the suitcase haha
@lazybee: Hmm Mr. Warbs is an only child, same as your husband, but he’s more into sharing than me. He does have his own blanket though which still cracks me up.
@Fixin2BMrs.Awesome: YES! I definitely didn’t like digging through his stuff to get to mine at the bottom.
@Mrs. Jaguar: Thanks, Jaguar. I hope it does!

11/26/11 @ 9:10 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Mrs. Funnel Cake (message) 690 posts, Busy bee

Haha, Mr. Funnel Cake always needs to put things in my suitcase because he over packs! But if we go around town with day bags, more often than not he’s sweetly carrying something for me.

I’m not too worried about remaining my own person, but I think it’s hilarious when we go hiking both wearing red shirts and beige pants and Mr. FC is so concerned people will think we’re twins. He bought the same camera bag as me because it’s an awesome bag… but it makes us look even more matchy matchy sometimes.

11/27/11 @ 12:00 am (reply)

12.

Member

bridesmomma (message) 451 posts, Helper bee

I’ve been married for 33 years…and still want my own damn suitcase!!

11/27/11 @ 10:03 am (reply)

13.

Guest

CupcakeCat

I don’t mind sharing at all… what’s mine is his. But I did have a moment last week when we were talking about getting a digital camera. I figured it would be for the both of us, and he said “no, mine.”

Apparently I’m so possessive with my stuff that he doesn’t want to share it with me! hahaha It’s not that I’m possessive actually, it’s that I like to take care of things while he’s a little more careless.

Your lucky your guy just uses your suitcase… mine thinks nothing of using my deodorant. :yuk:

11/27/11 @ 10:07 am (reply)

14.

Member

futureMFG (message) 150 posts, Blushing bee

That’s really interesting! I can’t say if I would’ve felt like that, but I can definitely see the fear in becoming a unit, rather than two individuals together.

11/27/11 @ 10:27 am (reply)

15.

Member

Miss Ke Aloha (message) 479 posts, Helper bee

I have been pretty self sufficient most of my life. I started working at age 14, bought all my own clothes from that point on. I met my wonderful man and due to deployments and his moves I chose to move in with him. Which meant I quit my perfect stepping stone job! For someone who took so much pride in taking care of myself it was hard to give up all control. My fiance has been so good to me and treads lightly on this subject as I remind myself to breath through it because I am lucky enough to find someone who puts me first.
The suitcase subject makes me laugh. We went away overnight on Thanksgiving and I suggested we share a bag. He said “ok” and then as we were walking out the door I saw he packed his own bag. I couldn’t believe the stuff he had for an overnight trip.
But then again… a little later we got in a small argument about him always being prepared after I admitted I had forgotten my coat.

11/27/11 @ 10:42 am (reply)

16.

Member

Danawatson210 (message) 33 posts, Newbee

I think the whole “individuality” thing is overrated. I think a couple would be better off having the problem of being “so co-dependent on each other that they don’t function well when they’re apart” than having the problem of being “so independent from each other that they don’t function well when they are together.”

11/27/11 @ 11:57 am (reply)

17.

Member

TinyTina (message) 3,312 posts, Sugar bee

Haha, I’m sorry this made me laugh because I always tell FI we should share a suitcase for weekend trips, but he always insists on packing his own bag! I find it odd, but whatever… It makes him happy.

I do understand what you’re saying though… Both sets of parents think we’re crazy for having a joint account and as well as individual accounts. They just pool everything together, but honestly I don’t want to see how much he spends on computer parts and I don’t want him to know how often I *really* go to Starbucks.