Stop Being So Ranunculus

Flowers bore me. They really do. They all look the same to me, and I have no interest in learning the names of all the different breeds/species of flower. I can’t think of anything more boring than horticulture, can you? The only flower-related knowledge I’ve gained in my years of trolling wedding blogs is that I don’t know the names of 99.99% (repeating, of course) of flowers. Did you know this is called “ranunculus”?

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Image via Dandelions Flowers & Gifts

I’m gonna start using that word in my everyday life. Like, “You’re being ranunculus! What are you thinking?”

And these are called billy balls. (I can’t make this stuff up, people.)

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Image via Ruffled Blog / Photo by James Carson

“That guy’s got a lot of billy balls, I tell ya.”

These flowers are actually my favorites, and I knew about them long before I began mentally planning my wedding:

gerbera

Image via Washington State University Arboretum & Wildlife Conservation Center

“Gerbera” just sounds like a baby making bubble noises. Or a man motor boating someone. Poor taste?

Anyway, these flowers are all pretty and everything, but show me a picture of any flower and I’ll tell you it’s pretty.

ugly

Image via parasiticplants.siu.edu / Photo by Photograph by Harry Wiriadinata

Except this one. That flower is so ugly it makes that man’s mustache look downright sexy.

If you know anything about me by now (besides my distaste for flower decisions) it should be my extreme cheapness. I’m not what you’d call frugal, because then Mr. Unicycle would like me a lot better. Rather, I like to spend a lot of money on a lot of cheap things. And from what I can tell, buying flowers for your wedding entails spending a LOT of money on a few expensive things. That doesn’t work for me. Why do you think I choose Old Navy over the Gap every. single. time?

I honestly don’t know how much a single centerpiece would cost for my wedding. I know it has to do with what type of flowers you pick, what time of year your wedding is, what florist you book, and what type of flower receptacle you use. But whether the centerpiece is $40 or $200, it’s too much for me. We’re having about 20 tables (plus or minus a few), so if you know basic math, even $20 a table is going to be…well, money we could have spent elsewhere, to put it less mathematically. So what am I going to do instead of hiring a florist?

Paper flowers!!! Exciting stuff. I’m going to make all the bouquets and probably the boutonnieres out of paper (BTW, why is that word so hard to spell? What gives, wedding people?), and the centerpieces will all be made of crepe paper. Other than that, there will be no flowers. I already made a prototype or three for the centerpieces. Ready for some crappy pics?

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Personal pics

Not sure which looks worse, the bright one or the dark one. So you get both.

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Personal pic

I was too cheap to buy those foam spheres from the craft store, so I wadded up newspaper instead. Here’s a tip: Don’t do that. I’m going to copy Mrs. Penguin’s idea for the rest and use paper lanterns instead.

pomande03

Personal pic

Artsy closeup shot

The yellow paper-ball things are similar to what I’m going to actually end up using, but I didn’t like how that paper looked so just ignore it for now. I’ll do another post about centerpieces later.

I haven’t started crafting the bouquets yet because I know they’ll get smashed/ripped/ruined or even lost in the next eight months, so I’m going to wait until we get closer to the wedding. I haven’t even decided what paper-flower tutorial I’m going to use yet, but these lovely paper blooms have made their way onto my pinboard so far:

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Imge via Weddingbee DIY / Posted by carmacae

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Image via Emmaline Bride / Photo by Ashley Forrette Photography

Yes, these are ranunculus. And ridonkulus. Tutorial here!

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Image via Martha Stewart

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Image via Weddingbee DIY / Posted by Sady Jane

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Image via A Field Journal

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Image via Martha Stewart

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Image via Aunt Peaches

Do you think anyone will miss real flowers? I don’t think so. These bad boys look so realistic in the photos. Plus, I kind of think the whole “smelling flowers” thing is a conspiracy. Maybe my nose isn’t sensitive enough or something, but they always just smell like plants to me. I’m sure my guests won’t mind smelling crepe paper and dried glue during dinner.

Do you have any other paper-flower tutorials? I’m collecting them, so show me your links!

BLOGGER

Mrs. Unicycle

Location:
Chicago, IL
Wedding Date:
June 2012

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  1. Member
    friedicecream 43 posts, Newbee @ 11:33 am

    I thought I was the only one who doesn’t care about flowers! So expensive, and they’re just going to die.

    There’ll probably be some traditionalists who are snotty about the lack of flowers (I don’t know your family though). But most people care much more about food and fun!

  2. Member
    Mrs. Unicycle 476 posts, Helper bee @ 12:58 pm

    @lisaelanna: Thanks for the link! And I am actually considering holding a paper flower making party now, though i don’t want my fam to think I’m a bridezilla!

    @ccranetobe: I’m actually not going to have that many flowers, probably just 5 bouquets and one centerpiece per table. If I were going all out like most brides do, there’s no way my time would be worth it! I think I’ll just hunker down with some Lifetime movies and git er done.

  3. Member
    pokey_dc 85 posts, Worker bee @ 3:25 pm

    This is awesome! I’ve been contemplating doing this for a while now and decided last week it’s a go. I have friends who already volunteered to help! We’re using old sheet music (his first love) and engineering paper (my job) for roses.

  4. Guest
    Jennifer, Guest @ 10:42 am

    Thanks for this post! I was also considering something like this. We also will only have a small amount of flowers. 5 bouquets and maybe 11 centerpieces so I might actually be able to do this!

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