Weddingbee Blog

My first dress appointment was at David’s Bridal. When I got there, they asked which dresses I was interested in, and I had to admit that I hadn’t even been on their website yet, so I had no clue which dresses I wanted to try on. My consultant led me around the store and asked what I thought of a bunch of different dresses. I agreed to try on some that I knew I wouldn’t like, just because I felt awkward saying no. After we’d picked about 7 dresses or so, we went to the fitting room.

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David’s Bridal was very organized about the whole thing—the consultant picked out a slip (crinoline/petticoat) and a bra thingy for me, so that I would never be nakey in front of anyone. (I would still advise wearing modest undapantz and a strapless bra to try on dresses, because not every dress salon was as accommodating.) She helped me into each dress and explained the logistics of trying on wedding gowns (you put your arms up and they slide it over your head) and then did up the back for me. And guess what? Most of the sample sizes did fit me.

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The store looked pretty much like this, surprisingly enough.

The first dress I tried was one that the bridal consultant chose, so I had little interest in actually seeing it on. Nevertheless, I actually almost started tearing up as she slid it over my head. This was the very first wedding dress I’d ever tried on! I was about to become a bride sort of! Since crying in front of strangers is awkward, I pulled myself together, but as soon as I exited the dressing room, my mom started bawling and whimpering like a wounded animal. Okay, not that bad. (Wouldn’t that be weird though? I wonder what the bridal consultant would have done.) She was just so happy/sad/emotional? to see her baby all growed up, I suppose.

I really loved the sweetheart neckline on this one, and the fact that it wasn’t strapless. So even though the consultant picked this one, it was actually pretty helpful to see it on. The rest of the dress was too boring, and too dang white.

All personal pics, all David’s Bridal dresses. Sorry I don’t know the names of them.

I liked the sleeves on this dress, which was supposed to be an Ivanka Trump knockoff, but the fabric of the sleeves seemed very chintzy to me, and it was oddly baggy, so it gave me football player shoulders. The bodice did nothing for my bod either.

The consultant threw on a veil because she thought that would help her make a sale. Psssh…

This next dress is one that I actually had seen online beforehand and requested to try on. It’s the VW351007 ball gown in the White by Vera Wang line.

I loved it with this overpriced and very DIY-able flower sash, and thought it would look even better with some tulle cap sleeves, perhaps? Alas, this dress didn’t bring my mother to tears; it made her laugh. It doesn’t look that ridiculous in the pictures, but I felt pretty ridiculous in it. I could barely exit the fitting room with all that tulle around my ass, and when I tried to sit down, I needed an extra chair on either side to accommodate the miles of tulle.

Meh. I don’t really like much about this little number.

This dress was kind of cool, I guess. But that’s not quite the reaction you want to have toward your wedding dress. Plus, that drop waist made my already large hips look enormous.

This dress made my mom cry in fear. She hated those 3-D flowers so much, but I loved them. The rest of the dress, however, was terrible. I don’t need a dress that’s tight around my hips, thank you very much.

And that was the end of our appointment at David’s Bridal! Our next stop was House of Brides, where I showed mild interest in the Cinderella dress (not a Cinderella dress—the Cinderella dress from the Disney line by Alfred Angelo):

Image via Alfred Angelo

We weren’t allowed to take pics in the store, booooo.

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My mom loved it and was ready to drop (my) cash down right then and there. Naturally, the consultant loved it too. I thought it was too much bling. The whole top, in the boob area, is encrusted with bling, and the entire skirt is made with sparkly tulle. Yikes. If you couldn’t tell from the previous dress pics, I am not into bling.

Speaking of bling, the third dress shop was a disaster that results when you take too much bling and combine it with awful ’90s appliques and slap them on an already ugly dress. I won’t pulge what the store was called, but they only sold their own designs. And their own designs were…yucky.The consultant asked what I liked, and I gave her the mental list I’d developed from the first two dress stores—sweetheart neckline, straps or sleeves, ball gown, no lace or sparkle. The first few dresses she grabbed looked like this, except white:

Image via 2011 Wedding Dresses

I told her I wanted one with less sparkle, but she continued to pull hideous blinged-out dresses off the rack for me. Finally, she let me look around by myself, and I discovered that I hated every dress in the store. So I humored her and tried on a few ugly sacks of sparkly poop before booking it out of there a full half hour early.

When we got to the final dress store, Brides by Demetrios, we were tired, sick of looking at dresses, and suffering from food comas after having just binged at lunch. The bridal consultant asked me a series of in-depth questions before pulling any dresses, which seemed promising. I rattled off my list of specifications for her and she scribbled away, nodding all along. Then she asked about my budget. I didn’t really want to say anything about a budget just yet, because I was really trying dresses on for fun and to see what looked good on me, so I was open to trying on grossly overpriced gowns if need be. I compromised and told her $1,000, even though my real dress budget is about…$500. I know, what was I thinking?

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I needed a picture here.

She ended up bringing me a bunch of dresses that fit some or none of my criteria, most of which were pushing $1,000. I wasn’t allowed to photograph them, not that I wanted to. I convinced her to let me try on the only tulle ball gown they had in the entire store, even though it was well over my “budget.” She was afraid I’d fall in love with it and wouldn’t be able to afford it. Hah! Don’t worry lady. Definitely didn’t fall in love with it.

And that was my first day of dress shopping. It sounds like it was a bust, but considering what I thought it would be like, it was actually quite refreshing. And I enjoyed making fun of the overzealous and fake salespeople with my mom.

Did you have trouble finding “the one?” Did you try on any dresses that were laughably hideous?