If you know me IRL, you might think I’m the opposite of sappy. I love nothing more than laughing at movies that are supposed to be heartwarming or making fun of people for waxing nostalgic about stupid stuff. People who talk about how adorable their kids are? Annoying. People rhapsodizing on how wonderful their SO is? Obnoxious! Any Lifetime or Hallmark movie aired during December? My guiltiest of pleasures. Also, ridiculous.
Image via IMDB
What a heartfelt work of art.
But, you guys! Something happened to me when I got engaged! I became a tearful, squinty-eyed sap with a permanent shit-eatin’ grin plastered on my face. It all started when I saw none other than a Fancy Feast commercial:
I know what you’re thinking: That guy’s is a complete chode, that cat is hideous, and the part where he flicks the cat toy at 31 seconds in is comedy gold. And why does this cat get its own bedroom? I don’t even like cats! But when I first saw this commercial (granted I was home from work with the flu and PMS-y) I bawled like a friggin’ baby. It was just so beautiful/touching/emotional/well produced! I swear I’m making fun of myself as I type this, but I also can’t ignore the fact that I almost teared up again while embedding the clip here.
My bride-brain-induced sappiness reared its ugly head again a few months later, this time at a Folgers commercial:
Ugh! There are so many things wrong with this! First of all, I suddenly want a cup of Folgers because I think it’ll make me feel as happy as this father/daughter duo feel I have a caffeine addiction, and that’s exactly how they want you to feel! Second of all: WTF were there no women in charge of approving this script?! The dad doesn’t have to worry about the daughter’s whereabouts anymore because the husband can soon take over? Not cool, Folgers. Nevertheless, I get choked up every time she flashes the bling to her pawpaw.
My cousin recently got married, and as I was shopping for her wedding card in the grocery store, amid an entire aisle of mass-produced heartfelt sentiments, I found myself blinking back sappy tears. I swear even the standard “best wishes for your new life together” coaxed a lonely tear from my eye. I even tear up at work when Pandora plays a particularly Hallmark-worthy love song for me. Can you believe I cried at the line “I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you?” I’m pretty sure this line was meant to be humorous, or at least tongue-in-cheek. But my first reaction? Crying.
Image via Zazzle
Gag me with a knife, people.
The absolute worst example of my recent excessive sappiness would probably be my solitary viewing party of Kim Kardashian’s wedding special. I’m not sure why I watched this, since I don’t watch her show and I think she’s super annoying. I guess I am just a sucker for anything wedding related these days. Maybe it’s because I was tossing back vino as I watched, or maybe it was just because it was late at night and I was alone, but when they said their vows, the floodgates opened. I’m going to beat myself up later for thinking this, but…it was beautiful.
Image via E Online
Look at the way she looks at him. She was so convincing!
Now that Kim K’s sham of a marriage has been formally ended, I feel like even more of a tool for buying into it. To be fair, I thought Kris Humphries was a possible contender for 2011’s list of douchiest douchebags all along, and you already know I can’t stand Kim. I thought their wedding might be a publicity stunt for their show, so I didn’t actually fall for it. It was just a truly beautiful/magical/endearing/touching ceremony.
Shut up, self.
Engaged people: Have you also become an annoying sap lately? Single people: Are you laughing at my expense right now?