The rituals that symbolize the joining of two people always seem lovely when I see them in weddings. Now that we’re planning our own wedding, those rituals don’t feel “right” to me.
The unity candle, probably the most popular wedding ritual these days, is actually a fairly new item. Wikipedia says unity candles might have only been around for about 30–40 years. That was a surprise to me. I’ve seen so many unity candles that I assumed they had been around for much longer.
A few months ago, I started hearing about alternatives to the traditional unity candle. I first thought the alternatives were weird, but a few started to grow on me.
There’s the pouring of sand, which has become so popular that companies are making special vessels for the sand.
Congratulations, Beonce and Paul! / From WeddingEngraver.com
Even newer than sand pouring is blending wine or planting a tree. I have to admit that I thought the tree planting was kind of cute! I don’t know if that was because Mr. Mink likes the term “tree hugger” or if I liked the idea of taking the tree home and planting it. Forget the fact that I live in a condo and don’t have a yard. Details, details!
From Manolo for the Brides blog / Photo by Worthington Photography
We thought about the wine-box ceremony, too. The couple writes letters to themselves (or each other) on the wedding day. The letters are sealed in a box with a bottle of wine during the ceremony. Some say that the box is opened on a major anniversary or if the couple ever has a rough spot.
Sealing the wine box / From The Bride’s Cafe Blog / Photo by Katie Stoops Photography
The last ritual we considered was one I heard about on the Weddingbee Boards. It’s the “Chord of Three Strands.” The couple braids three short lengths of rope during their wedding ceremony to symbolize the bride, the groom, and God in their marriage. Aside from the blog where I found the picture below, the information I found about this was coming from the company that sold the chords.
The “Chord of Three Strands” / From Crystal Goss Photography
In the end, we decided not to have a unity ritual at our wedding. None of the things I described above felt right for us. Exchanging rings and saying our vows will be pretty powerful acts for us. We aren’t convinced that we need something extra to drive the point home.
Are you having a unity ritual at your wedding? Did you consider any alternatives?
We also think that the rings are pretty powerful acts of symbolism on their own. The only one that we’re still considering is a handfasting. Now that is a ritual that dates back.
We’re considering the wine box but if we decide not to, we won’t be doing anything either. I have never like the unity candly or the sand ceremony. The three cords seems cool but we are not super religious.
I’ve never been a huge fan of the sand ceremony (always makes me think of being a kid at the fairs with those plastic bears you could fill with sand), and the unity candle is nice but never thought I would do it. The rope thing is definitely out since we don’t believe in god….. so no unity ritual for us either!
I was planning a unity ritual just because I like the symbolism behind it. We were initially planning a sand ceremony (for some reason I’m not a fan of unity candles, plus we’re having an outdoor ceremony and I don’t want the flames to blow out in the wind!). But I’ve never heard of the “cord of three strands” before and I’m kinda digging the idea. I think I will bring this up to my FI. Thanks Miss Mink!
We’re doing the wine box. FI flat out refused the unity candle, and we didn’t think sand would be appropriate for the venue and time of year. Plus we’re both drinkers and FI loves that he gets to whip out a hammer in the middle of the ceremony. 
It was perfect for us.
We are in the same boat and decided not to have a unity ritual other than exchanging rings and our vows. For some reason everyone we talk to seem shocked about that. Like my mom who said, “What, you mean no unity candles? You’re supposed to!” These rituals just don’t seem very “us”, and we both feel that the rings and vows act as the unity rituals themselves.
We didn’t have any rituals at ours and I was happy with the simple ceremony Gotta choose what works for you!
We did a “Chocolate and Wine” ceremony. When we were married, I vetoed the unity candle from the start since I felt like it was always done. Every sand ceremony I saw, included the sand spilling or not pouring, etc. (Too much work!) So in the end, we went with a ceremony that was fun and worked for us. Plus, it had the “I’ve never seen that” response from our guests.
I agree totally! Neither the sand thing nor the unity candle was “us” and we didn’t want to muddle the ceremony with things when the vows and rings are the focus – in our eyes. You’re not alone!
Well I haven’t given it much thought until this morning. It is funny how the hive works. A co-worker offered to make my candles for me when I sat down at my desk this am. I log into the hive and see this post, how weird. Candles probably are not a good choice considering the outdoor ceremony I’m having. But I never considered any other options either. The sand thing is great and all but not really us either. If I do something I’d like it to be something we can display forever. It just crossed my mind, hand prints over lapping in a heart shape, but then again, ink and dress, doesn’t sound like a good idea to me. Now you have me thinking. Thanks Mink!
BTW, alot of traditions that we deem “OMG must haves” are not all that old. For instance wedding cake, first one was made in 1902.
@Roe: It’s nice to have some company on this!
@NJmeetsBX: I think we had the same thought. Because I’m big into DIY and home improvement, we thought it would be kind of appropriate to have hammer and nails incorporated into our ceremony.
We have opted not to do a unity candle either, but haven’t decided if we are going to do an alternative or skip it.
@Miss Elk: I almost included that the Student Life folks in college used to have making sand art as a Friday evening “alternative” activity. We’d pour our sand into the Sue Bee Honey jars and then go out.
@Alleycat: My only worry about the three stands thing is that it’s being pushed by the company selling them. If it grew out of a tradition, I think I’d be a little more interested in it.
@misspeanut: We liked that one, too!
@ivysupersonic: I really thought the unity candle was a Catholic tradition myself! When I did my research, I actually found information that says the flame of a candle in church is supposed to symbolize God. The candles involved with the unity candle seem to symbolize people and the person writing thought that was problematic. I don’t know where I stand, but I thought that was interesting.
@Mrs. Mary Jane: Simplicity can be beautiful and powerful!
@Vegas Pug: Oooh! I want to know more about the chocolate!!!
@coasterkim: Yay!
@knvprincess143: It’s amazing how some things come up. One of the Bees said she had just started writing a dog post when my post from yesterday was posted!
@knvprincess143: Excellent point! Even the diamond engagement ring dates back only to the early 20th century as a common practice.
We also decided not to have a unity ritual. Our full Catholic Mass was already long enough and I didn’t really care to risk repeating my parents’ experience (when they couldn’t get their candle lit!).
The only symbolic exchange we have in our ceremony is the ring exchange (a pretty big one!).
No unity ritual for us! We wanted the ceremony to be over quickly, so we nixed things like this immediately.
We decided to go with the wine box ceremony. We both loooove wine and at the time the only other ritual we knew of was the candle ceremony. I have nightmares of setting my veil on fire so we nixed that one. 
We didn’t do a unity ritual (we couldn’t find the right fit either) at our ceremony and no one noticed!
I love the tree planting idea, I kinda wish we had seen it before our wedding, it’s such a unique idea!
Mrs. Mink, Charlottesville, Virginia Age and Occupation: 34, College Administrator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 40, Craft Beer Consultant Engagement Date: November 26, 2010 Wedding Date: June 2012 Venue: Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards About Me: I left a pre-war brownstone in Boston six years ago to live in a funky, Southern city where Thomas Jefferson, Dave Matthews, and urban chicken keepers enjoy equal social standing. I still love my Patriots and Red Sox, but have fallen in love with Virginia. I work in education and specialize in integrating technology into my work to improve the student experience. I’m a diehard blogger, animal lover, jamband follower, and DIYer. I paint to relax and have transferred by energy from home projects to wedding projects in recent months. When Mr. Mink and I started talking about marriage, we knew our wedding would be outdoors, that my golden retriever would be part of the day, and that the music would be fantastic. We’ve taken a few risks during our planning process and we’ve been enjoying the process immensely!
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