Weddingbee Blog

I realize that title can have approximately 27 meanings, but here’s the one I’m talking about:

Foxy and I have made the decision to go to a combo of premarital and couples’ counseling. The former for obvious reasons, and the latter because of certain issues and differences that we feel we need to work on—namely, communication. The best and worst thing about the two of us is that we are so different, yet so similar, especially when it comes to our stubbornness. Throw in a minor disagreement, and you can potentially have the recipe for disaster (or just a really big blowout for no real reason). Hence, couples’ counseling.

We had our first session this past Monday, and while I went in nervous, I left with an overwhelming feeling of hopefulness and anticipation. Part of that excitement, if you will, came from our first “homework assignment” - to buy, read, and implement strategies from the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Image via The 5 Love Languages

Have you heard of this book? It’s been on my “must buy/read” list for a few years now, as I’ve had many a (bloggy) friend rave about and review it.

We’re only about halfway through the book, but I can already tell you that Dr. Chapman knows his shiz. His theory (I prefer to call it fact) is that there are five basic languages of love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Within each specific language are various dialects—in other words, different ways that each can be conveyed and construed. The idea is that you and your partner likely “speak in different love languages,” or, to put it more plainly, what makes one person feel loved and valued can be very different from what makes the other feel loved and valued (like a little love note vs making dinner, or a surprise gift vs carving out time to watch a movie). A short profile at the end of the book helps you determine your language(s), and you can delve into the respective chapters to learn more about both yourself and your partner.

Call me an optimist, but I just knew this book would be spot-on before we even opened it. I already had an instinct that Foxy and I had different ideas of how to show, heck, even feel, love. My profile determined me to need both Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service equally (who knew I was bilingual?!); his revealed that he needs Acts of Service and Physical Touch. While we both share the Acts of Service need, we still vary greatly with the other two categories. An example: I feel most loved when he tells me I look good or that he missed me after a night we spent apart, but it doesn’t mean much if I say the same to him. In contrast, he feels much more loved when I’m the “big spoon” when we’re cuddling because of the close contact.

Of course, the nerd in me finds these differences in feeling and showing love all incredibly fascinating. And, as I mentioned, we’re just starting this journey and this is only part of the process, but it’s already opened up more conversations between the two of us and already has us communicating better. If I can better understand what makes my partner happy and he, me…well, our love can only grow and deepen and, most importantly…last.

Tell me, does any of this ring true with you and your partner? Have you heard of The 5 Love Languages and do you have any experience/insight/advice about it?