Weddingbee Blog

I know this topic has been discussed many times on the ’Bee (most recently by Miss Fox), but for some reason it still has a stigma attached to it, so I figured I’d throw in my experience…

In the months leading up to my engagement, I began spending a lot of time with a very good friend of mine. We had been close for years and even lived together previously, but at this point we became inseparable. From after-work happy hours to Saturday-afternoon shopping trips, we spent nearly all our free time together. So when Mr. Hawk and I announced our engagement, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind who I wanted to be my MOH. We were thrilled, and she began excitedly planning the bachelorette party and other fun activities; however, it wasn’t long afterward that things greatly changed in her life.

She broke up with her serious boyfriend and moved out of the house they shared together. She moved in with Mr. Hawk and me for several weeks until she could find a new home, and she was surprisingly upbeat and optimistic. But once she moved into her new apartment things shifted. We had a pretty big difference of opinion on something, and it created a large wedge between us. During this time, I think we both felt abandoned, and we rarely spoke to one another. Our lack of relationship during that time was not at all wedding related, but was even more glaringly obvious because of all the planning I was doing without her.

We attempted to patch things up several times, but for some reason it was still awkward and uncomfortable between us. Finally, I got up the courage to bring up wedding talk. I asked her if she thought being MOH was putting too much pressure on us to just hurry up and be normal again. She said yes and admitted that, additionally, with her own relationship ending recently, she was still a bit heartbroken and finding it hard to be excited about a wedding, something she had once dreamed of having with her ex. Everything was out in the open, and I felt a huge weight lifted off me. We both decided it wouldn’t be the Hawk wedding without her in it, but she could take the less stressful position of BM instead. I’m not going to lie and say that our heart-to-heart was a “magic fix,” but it definitely helped. We talk more often, spend time together again, and are even able to bring up the “w” word.

The point of my bringing this story up was not to throw my BM (or myself!) under the bus. It was just to let y’all know that it happens. When my relationship broke down, I felt like a failure and so alone in this situation. You are not alone! Relationships change. If the woman you imagined being your MOH would feel more comfortable stepping down to be a BM, it’s OK. Or if she decides she’d rather support you from the pews, that’s OK too. Planning a wedding is a long process and things are bound to change, most of which will be out of your control. It can be a heartbreaking experience, but I promise you’ll make it through. (And if you need someone to talk to, I can completely relate!)

Have you experienced any relationship difficulties with family or friends during the wedding-planning process?