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Ask any one of my family and close friends and they will most likely tell you that I’m a fairly traditional girl with classic taste. And while our wedding ceremony will be quite traditional, there are some traditions that we’ve decided to do without.
The Bouquet Toss
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| Photo by Aislinn Kate Photography |
For some reason, I’ve been against this idea from the start, and I’m not exactly sure why.
I can’t pinpoint it, but I know that I don’t want to have one. (You may think this comes from some horrific experience of being clobbered mid bouquet grab, but I’ve never even seen one done! [Maybe that’s why it’s easy for me to write it off.])
The Garter Toss
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| Photo by Angel Navarro Photography |
My problem with this tradition is crystal clear. Under no circumstance do I ever want Mr. Hawk to be lifting up my dress in front of 100 of my nearest and dearest. The thought of it actually makes me shudder. I know that we could skip the whole removal portion and still do the toss, but without a bouquet toss it doesn’t seem to make much sense to keep it.
The Mother-Son Dance
This one is still up for discussion, but I have a strong feeling it’s going to be nixed. Mr. Hawk does not enjoy dancing. In fact, the one thing he enjoys less than dancing is being the center of attention and having everyone watching him. (Unless, as he says, he brings himself to the center of attention.) So combining two of his most hated things? Recipe for disaster.
Are there any traditions that y’all have decided to skip? Which ones are most important to you?
We’re skipping the bouquet toss as well-instead we’re inviting all married couples to the dance floor and whoever has been married the longest gets my bouquest.
Also thinking of tying lottery tickets to the garter and telling any who wants to “get lucky tonight” to get on the dance floor to catch it.
I’m planning on skipping the flower girl. It isn’t that I have anything against this tradition, I just don’t have any friends/family with little girls. Instead I am just having the ring bearer (my adorable nephew!) carry a sign that says “here comes the bride”. I like the idea of skipping the bouquet toss too. I’ve never really cared for it during wedding and never have wanted to participate myself.
P.S.
I saw this on a website and thought it was interesting.
Tossing the wedding garter is an old time held tradition. It is said that in the days gone past, the bride and groom had to show proof of their wedding consummation. In order for it to be proven, it was common tradition to have people like family and friends come into the room with the couple. The “witnesses” would obtain the garter as “proof” of the consummation. Also having any article of the under garments was considered to be good luck so sometimes things would get out of hand in the newly wed’s bedroom as crazed onlookers snatched at clothing to get for good luck. This was not appreciated much by the bride nor many grooms, hence the groom started tossing the garter out so that no one would need to obtain it themselves.
( How barbaric this sounds! glad things have changed since then)
Oh, we have a list of things we’ve nixed: no unity ritual, no bouquet toss, no garter toss (I’ve never even seen on in person, so didn’t count it as a tradition until I joined the boards), no cake smashing, no head table, no sweetheart table, no guestbook, no harps or violins, no Ave Maria or Canon. I could go on!
I believe that tradition only makes sense if it ties you to the past in a good way.
@Laura S: I think that’s a sweet alternative to the bouquet toss!
@wnh100: I’ve seen the “here comes the bride” signs and flags. They are so adorable! (And the garter history? Ew. Gave me the heebie-jeebies.)
@Miss Mink: I completely agree!
I’m with you! I am skipping the bouquet toss because the feminist in me just can’t stand it. I never liked it as an unmarried wedding guest. To me it says that we should all be scrambling to get married because that is obviously our goal in life!
I refuse to do the garter toss exchange because its gross and awkward for all involved… maybe I’m too conservative.
I also know my fiance would rather not do the Mother Son dance because they have a very strained relationship (she is Bipolar and very difficult to deal with), however, we know she would freak out if they didn’t so we are just asking the DJ to cut the song short to lessthan 2 minutes.
It’s your wedding, don’t do anything you feel forced to do!
We’re not doing the bouquet toss either. I’m not a fan of having my ladies and friends and family tackling each other at our wedding. Instead; we’ve decided that we will give the bouquet to the couple who is/has been married the longest.
Also we wont be having a garter toss. I personally find it bit tacky in front of my family members and friends.
We’re not having a flower girl or ring bearer, mostly because our wedding is adults only. I’m so glad others are nixing the bouquet & garter toss too! The bouquet toss is so awkward for the girls & sorry but the garter toss makes me want to poke my eyes out! Our men have similar personalities-mine hates dancing & the attention so I’m trying to plan the reception so he has little dancing to do.
I’m with you on the bouquet/garter toss! I feel like the bouquet toss is like the bride saying “Ha, take that suckers!” I know it’s a tradition and not meant to be snarky, but for some reason I think throwing flowers at people is weird. I always hate going up there at weddings (especially since I’ve been engaged) and don’t want to put my friends/family through that same awkwardness. It won’t be missed! And like you said, garter toss makes no sense without a bouquet toss, so we won’t be doing that either. More time for dancing!
Thank you thank you thank you! I’m totally skipping the bouquet toss and garter removal nonsense too, and I was really hoping I wasnt alone in that decision. Every bouquet toss I’ve ever been a part of has consisted of a bunch of annoyed girls trying to get as far away from the marriage curse as possible. That and the garter thing always feel forced and like time-wasters to me. Now I just have to figure out some cute traditions to replace them with…
@knvprincess143: I also wrote “NO Participation Dances” on our DJ planner lol
I definitely wanted to skip certain things, especially the garter toss, but Mr. P was insistent that we do them. Luckily, they were quick events that didn’t take away from the day at all.
I’m skipping the bouquet toss as well!
Instead, i am giving my bouquet to “the couple that has been married the longest” - which i think will be my grandma and grandpa at 63 years. My grandma will just feel like the most special lady in the world, and my grandpa is my favorite person in the world.
If it is some other couple - than oh well either way! I want to recognize a long lasting marriage 
Garter toss, totally leave it up to the husband to be. Haven’t talked much about it!
@MissTiff: we are doing the same thing for the bouquet! LOVE the idea.
Interesting post! It got me thinking about all of the stuff we are skipping: both tosses, first dance, no bridal party or flower girls, etc.
Yes, skipping these. I LOVE being the center of attention, I’m a born performer and the spotlight is totes natural to me. However I would still want to crawl under a table and die if my Mr. stuck his head up my skirt in front of his grand mother and pulled out an under garment. uhmmm… no thanks.
We are also skipping: DJ, dancing, cake smashing, PROBABLY toasts (I want them, but don’t want my dad to speak, so to not hurt his feeling I think we’ll just skip it)… there’s more, just can’t think of them.
@MissMusic: Absolutely. I am with you!
@MissTiff: I’m really liking the idea of gifting the bouquet to the longest married couple!
@arielle: That is very considerate of you! I’ll probably end up dragging Mr. Hawk out to the floor more than once! 
@bridester: I never thought of it that way, but it made me chuckle…
@Heather Rose: I’m happy to see I’m not the only one skipping them!
@Mrs. Pony: Since it was important to one of you, then it was definitely worth doing!
@vreelans: Too sweet. Seems like this is becoming a new tradition!
@Lexy: I am also avoiding cake smashing at all costs!
I am nixing all three of those too! ESPECIALLY that garter toss! No way, Jose!
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Miss Hawk, Richmond, VA Age and Occupation: 26, Finance Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, District Supervisor Engagement Date: March 13, 2011 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: The Chapel of the Sir Christopher Wren Building, 2007 Legacy Hall About Me: I’m an Arizona-born girl who has spent the majority of my life living below the Mason-Dixon line. The South has definitely earned a special place in my heart (alongside my Virginia born and bred fiance, of course!). We are planning a traditional Christian ceremony at my alma mater in historic Williamsburg, Virginia, followed by a rocking reception filled with Southern cooking and vintage/shabby chic details. When we’re not wedding planning, we enjoy spending time with our three dogs, going for runs together, watching plenty of football (or baseball depending on the season), and sampling new wine.
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