A Note on Getting Shot Down

A Note on Getting Shot Down

December 14th, 2011 @ 1:23 pm by Miss Elk
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“You are the bride! It’s your wedding, do what you want!”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard this about a million times during my year of wedding planning, and I definitely think there is this culture in the wedding industry that the wedding is totally and completely all about the bride all the time. By the time I got engaged, this idea had pretty much infiltrated my brain. It didn’t help that I practically had the entire wedding planned out in my head within moments of saying yes!

So when I started bringing my ideas for the wedding to Mr Elk and Mama Elk, it took me by total surprise how often my ideas were shot down. At first, I can’t lie, I was pretty annoyed. I was still in this mind frame that it’s my wedding and I should get whatever I want. It didn’t take long, though, for me to realize how dumb I was being.

This isn’t just my wedding! If it was MY wedding, I’d be marrying myself! The wedding is to celebrate my relationship with Mr. Elk and the beginning of the rest of our lives together. Of course I need his input! And moreover, I am Mama Elk’s only daughter, and her and Papa Elk are footing a lot of the bill (because they want to!). She so desperately wants to be a part of the planning process to spend time with me. In a way, it is her wedding too (well, the party at least).

The biggest example of getting shot down is something I’ve already discussed with you—having our pooch at the wedding. Mr Elk and Mama Elk are both equally adamant that this NOT happen. I’m not thrilled about being shot down on this one, but recognize that it’s just not going to happen.

The pooch looking dapper in his bow tie. (This picture is part of the compromise we’ve made to include the pooch in the wedding—we’ll get back to this eventually)

I’m glad I realized how silly I was being, and I’m now able to be shot down gracefully without getting too upset. It is also a testament to my relationship with Mr. Elk that we can compromise on a lot of these details we don’t necessarily agree on.

Have you been shot down during the planning process? How have you dealt with it?

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15 Responses to “A Note on Getting Shot Down”

Member

bunnylovesbear (message) 1,726 posts, Bumble bee

I also got shot down on the dog thing. I even got shot down including her in our engagement photos!! It all worked out in the end, though. I totally understand how including a pet could have made our day much more stressful and/or chaotic at times!

12/14/11 @ 1:27 pm (reply)

Member

mtnhoney (message) 356 posts, Helper bee

Nice to hear this point of view. It’s sad when I read about or hear of women who are turning into power hungry manipulative worst-case versions of themselves over having everything their way.

This twisted way of thinking is a result of the modern wedding industrial complex, and we all need to evaluate what traditions and wedding elements MEAN something to us and our SO, and not blindly buy in to things because we think we HAVE to, or just because.

Good for you!!

12/14/11 @ 1:32 pm (reply)

Member

knvprincess143 (message) 807 posts, Busy bee

Yes! My “bake off” was a bust when it came to approval. But after not wanting to let the idea go, I’m going with it anyway. To the people who don’t like it, well it is this simple, they don’t have to participate. I’m tried of hearing there is a right and wrong way.

12/14/11 @ 1:44 pm (reply)

Guest

CarMar

your dog is so cute!

12/14/11 @ 2:49 pm (reply)

Member

Pumpkin Bunny (message) 4 posts, Wannabee

I really wanted to include our dog in our wedding too. That idea was shot down rather quickly after he was such a handful during our engagement session (we got some great pics with him though!) We are going to have a photo of him at the reception, I suppose that is a pretty good compromise and will be less stressful for everyone.

12/14/11 @ 3:42 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Pony (message) 4,175 posts, Honey bee

How could they shoot down that face? I got shot down occasionally during the planning process, but if it was something I really wanted, I found a way to make it happen

12/14/11 @ 3:51 pm (reply)

Member

kerensa (message) 780 posts, Busy bee

the future Mr Kerensa and I will be footing the bill ourselves, and I really do not take kindly to being shot down so we’ll see how this goes.
So far the only thing I suggested was a wedding with just the two of us (because I honestly feel that it’s OUR day and actually don’t want to share it with other people ) but I was told that this would make said family hate us so I had to reconsider.

12/14/11 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

Guest

I did not have many things planned in my head prior to my wedding but one thing I DID know was my song to walk down the aisle. When my mom heard it she said she will stand up and yell “turn it off” if I play it, that it’s too slow and sounds like a funeral song. Still not sure how I’m going to handle this - it’s one of the only things I thought I was sure of and actually envisioned!

12/14/11 @ 7:02 pm (reply)

Member

brittaful (message) 176 posts, Blushing bee

@knvprincess143: what’s your bake off???

12/14/11 @ 8:20 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Kettle (message) 909 posts, Busy bee

My wedding is my wedding. And Mr. Kettle’s. And Momma Kettle’s. And Mima Kettle’s. And Grandmother Kettle’s. And Daddy Kettle’s. Also Poppa Kettle’s. The only one who’s wedding it in’t is Papa Kettle. There are frustrating moments (especially concerning those who have already had a wedding), where I want to just scream, “Give me what I want!!”. But I’ve learned over months of planning how to only make a big deal of things for 2-5 days, and then move on. Yeah, that’s about as good as I’m going to get.

12/14/11 @ 11:32 pm (reply)

11.

Member

szaerpoor (message) 215 posts, Helper bee

I’m on the complete opposite end of the spectrum! I was never a girl who envisioned my wedding day, I was in fact the girl who envisioned never having a wedding day. And my fiance is wonderful with design and decorating. So when we got engaged I said “this is your wedding”. However, I have a lot more free time than he does, so I’ve gradually taken on more and more things. And I must say, I really REALLY appreciate when someone shoots me down, because then there’s a greater chance that we will end up with a wedding that is appealing to a greater population of people … like other people besides just me =)

12/15/11 @ 12:34 am (reply)

12.

Member

TinyTina (message) 3,312 posts, Sugar bee

Oof I get shot down a lot. But you’re right. It’s not really MY wedding.. It’s my FI’s wedding, my parents’, his parents’… It’s important to all of us and sometimes that means compromising. Although I really think your furbaby should be in the wedding.

12/15/11 @ 5:51 am (reply)

13.

Guest

Katie R

For me, I think it’s funny that whenever someone doesn’t have an opinion about something, I get the, “It’s your wedding! Do what you want!” but if they disagree? Hoo boy!

“Mom, I think I want deep purple and sky blue for our colors.”
“It’s your wedding! Do what you want!”

“Mom, I think we’re going to have 5 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids. I just don’t have another girl I really want standing up.”
“What?? You can’t do that! Who will they all dance with? How will they walk down the aisle if it’s uneven? What about the pictures??”

(My mom’s not crazy, she just has her opinions.) =)

12/15/11 @ 8:23 am (reply)

14.

Member

Miss White Pearl (message) 195 posts, Blushing bee

your pooch does look quite dapper in that bowtie! as for getting shot down… i was shot down by the groom and my entire family when i suggested a Transformers themed wedding. but don’t worry… i’m working Optimus Prime in the plans very, very subtly.

12/15/11 @ 10:00 am (reply)

15.

Guest

Melanie Vare

oh man - this is so funny & I totally relate!! this is my wedding story…

“The Center Peace” - After the sixth batch of ‘Centerpiece’ emails with my design savvy girlfriends - it hit me what I had become. I promised my fiancé that I wouldn’t be the type of girl who gets all consumed by the nitty-gritty details of planning a wedding. But here’s the problem, centerpieces don’t just walk up on to the tables themselves.

I heard that in the old days the groom used to plan the wedding. I’d like to see pictures of those centerpieces…

You can read more here:
http://the-nail-biter.com/2012/01/center-peace.html

1/30/12 @ 12:24 pm (reply)