Weddingbee Blog

This is a post I’ve wanted to write for a while…what happens when you regret your choice of maid of honor? I’m not sure I have an answer for you, but this is my story.

Long before the Mister and I got engaged I always knew whom I would ask to be my maid of honor. She was someone I had known for several years and was married to a person who was very important in my life. I had stood up for her when she got married, so she being my maid of honor seemed like a natural choice. She  was one of the first folks that we announced our engagement to. As soon as I told her we were engaged I asked if she would be my maid of honor. She didn’t hesitate to answer yes.

Soon after, a few red flags were raised.

She wanted me to invite her mother and step-father to look after her child at the wedding reception. When I didn’t agree right away (we had very strict limits on the number of people our space would hold) I was accused of being a bridezilla and not thinking about other people’s feelings. How could she enjoy our wedding if she also had to play mom? We sort of smoothed things over for a bit until the next bomb was dropped. She confided that her and her husband were having problems and she didn’t know if they would still be married by the time our wedding arrived. Would I still want her in the wedding party?

I mentioned it above, but she’s married to someone very important to me. In case they split and sides are inevitably chosen, I’m on his side. Would she and I still be friends if that happened? After the shock of the initial announcement I wanted to talk to her about it. Given the drama she had already caused and this new development I really wasn’t sure about her standing up for me. I was afraid to say anything though. Things seemed to be going better with her husband. What if their marriage succeeded and I wound up putting a huge rift between us because I asked her to step down? I chickened out and I regret that now.

Our wedding day came and went and the Mister and I had the most amazing day possible. A few weeks later my maid of honor finally admitted that her and her husband were separating. I later found out that she had a profile on an online dating site (while still married) with a picture of her in her bridesmaid’s dress with the caption, “THE DREADED BRIDESMAID DRESS.” It felt like a knife through the heart.

Before properly ending things with her husband, she already had a new boyfriend. Nights out on the town with him were more important than nights at home with her child. I saw the way this behaviour hurt her husband and her child. I would help out and babysit and I’d put her child to bed with repeated heartbreaking cries of “I miss mommy.” I will never understand why she treated them the way she did.

I feel mixed emotions when I look at our wedding photos. It was one of the most wonderful days of my life and seeing the joy and love in mine and my husband’s eyes brings a huge smile to my face. Seeing photos of her make me feel sad and angry. Sad that a friendship was lost. Angry over how she treated people and that there was never anything I was able to say to her. I never told her how I felt. Sad that I didn’t listen to my instincts and ask her to step down. Angry that she stood next to me while I said my vows to my husband and she was in the process of breaking her vows.

Did you ever regret asking someone to be in your bridal party? How did you handle it?