Weddingbee Blog

The prolific “black tie” weddings that we all see in movies like Wedding Crashers and Sex and the City 2, and on websites like WedLuxe have made me believe that black-tie weddings are pretty standard.

Sex and the City 2 / Image via IMDB

Then, I grew up and started going to actual real-life weddings. I’ve never been to a black-tie wedding. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where the groom even wore a tuxedo. Now that I think of it, I’ve never been to a wedding where someone wasn’t wearing jeans. Yes: jeans at a wedding. In some places like NYC, black-tie weddings are the standard, and no one would bat an eye at someone placing those words on their reception card. Here: cowboys would read “black tie” and think, “Oh, I can wear my black jeans, black hat, and my black bolo tie.” Not exactly what I was thinking.

Image via It’s Fun Again

When we first started thinking about what “type” of wedding we wanted, I knew I wanted a black-tie wedding. Fiancee Eagle wasn’t so convinced. I started talking to my parents about it, and they also said that it was “unreasonable to expect guests to wear expensive clothing” in order to be able to come to our wedding. I agreed: it wasn’t as if we would have a “black tie mandatory” request, or make people feel bad if they didn’t want to/couldn’t wear “black tie” clothing. But—I still felt like the “type” of wedding we were planning required a more formal suggested dress code.

Our two bridesmaids will be wearing long gowns, and our two bridesmen will be in tuxes with black bow-ties. We will both be in pretty formal wedding gowns with longer veils, and our parents will be in tuxes and long gowns. We’ll be having a plated dinner with three meal options, as well as an open bar. We’re going to have live music for the ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and dance reception. For all intents and purposes, we’re having a “black tie” wedding.

Image via Life in Color

But it still didn’t feel right inscribing “black tie” on our reception cards. So, we thought about “black tie optional”—but that one was thrown out pretty quickly, because then the cowboys would think, “Oh, I can wear my black jeans, black hat, and maybe my black bolo tie if I’m feelin’ real fancy.” Once again, not exactly what we were thinking.

For now, we’ve pretty much settled on “formal attire, black tie invited” to convey the formality of our wedding. I would love it if our guests wore “evening attire” and took our wedding as an opportunity to dress up and have a fancy night out sans kids (more on that later). But, am I going to be upset if someone shows up in a dark suit instead of a tux? No. Am I going to be upset if someone wears jeans instead of a dark suit? I probably will be upset, but I’ll be so busy having fun at my wedding, you know…being married, taking photos, cutting the cake, drinking champagne, dancing to our amazing band, and I would never say anything rude to a jeans-wearer. I can’t dictate what our guests will wear, but I can suggest “formal attire, black tie invited,”

Did you have a “black tie” wedding, too? How did you convey the formality of your wedding without stepping on anyone’s toes (or cowboy boots)?