A while back, I mentioned how our initial choice in officiant, Pastor Tom, didn’t work out because he already had another wedding scheduled. He was an ideal choice for several reasons—I’ve known him and his family since I was a baby, he’s a Lutheran pastor, he has a great sense of humor, he did my mom’s wedding last year, etc.—but alas, it was not meant to be.
I briefly panicked until my mom mentioned that her lifelong friend, Pastor Liz, could be another viable officiant candidate. While I don’t know her nearly as well as Pastor Tom, I was open to asking her to do our ceremony—at the time, having a pastor (who was willing to go light on or completely forgo the God speak) was important to me. Well, I thought it was. There was definitely a bit of fuzz between what I wanted and what I thought I wanted because of what I thought my parents wanted. Figure that one out, Sherlock.
So Pastor Liz and I emailed back and forth a bunch. She said she would be open to officiating the ceremony, and we even had a phone call (while Foxy was at work) that kick-started my mind to think about what I/we truly wanted our ceremony to be and what it would ultimately entail. While this was all very helpful and seemed to fit all my previous requirements, something still didn’t feel right. I thought I wanted a pastor, but…maybe I didn’t? Maybe a Justice of the Peace would be just fine…better, even.
To save you time (and because I like lists), here’s.. a list.
Pros (of using Pastor Liz):
Cons (same category):
A lot of these thoughts had been circling in my head for the past few weeks. Conveniently enough, I ended up having a heart to heart phone conversation with my mom the other day, where she randomly “put out there” that it’s OK if Foxy and I decide not to use Pastor Liz, even if we’ve already started talking with her. Honestly…? I didn’t realize that. Just hearing her say that sent a wave of relief over my body and mind that I didn’t know I needed. At that moment, I knew what I wanted. And it wasn’t Pastor Liz.
I relayed all this information to Foxy, we chatted about it for a bit, then decided we would cancel with Pastor Liz (cancel sounds way better than “fire,” don’t you think?), especially since we had someone in mind to fill in. Not quite a Justice of the Peace, but definitely someone certified in marrying couples. You may recognize her.
That would be miss EAQ219 (no, not our crazy pup.. although that would be awesome)! Miss E and her hubs have become super great friends of Foxy’s and mine, and seeing that she is already in the wedding biz and has some experience in marrying couples…well, we couldn’t think of someone better to ask. She knows both of us, she’s sassy and can be a bossyboots if need be (think: rehearsal), she has a spunky sense of humor, and the list goes on. Once we asked her to officiate (and heard her ultimate YES), I had a huge sense of… well, I’m not sure. Happiness? Relief? Sudden urge to plan my entire ceremony right.this.instant because I was so excited? You get the idea.
So no, E isn’t a pastor, but apparently these past few months have brought about a change of mind in terms of what we (I) value in our officiant. And while we aren’t using Pastor Liz anymore, she definitely got the ball rolling. I started thinking about my ceremony vision and realized that it would both mean more and be more appropriate if we had a friend do it. And so it shall be!
Did you have any officiant “drama” leading up to the wedding? How did you ultimately decide who to have officiate?
We picked our officiant quickly… We both really like her. It’s decided on ceremony wording that’s been difficult (FI wants no God speak, I want some, mom wants a ton).
Im glad everything worked out! Our officiant isn’t a pastor either, even though we are having a religious ceremony. I think what matters most when choosing an officiant is someone you feel the most comfortable and connected to.
We took forever to hire an officiant, that person will play such an important role you want to make sure you picked the right one 
That must be such a relief for you! Finding an officiant has been one of the hardest roadblocks for us and we’re still not sure what to do. We would’ve loved having a friend do it (it doesn’t even have to be a legally binding ceremony; we will get legal-married beforehand), but we can’t think of anyone. Clergy is out. Does anyone have advice on how to find a local justice of the peace who is willing to travel to a venue on a Saturday??
I AM SO EXCITED!!!! It’s such a huge honor.
So much pressure. Might puke. Will try not to cry.
Can’t make any promises.
I can’t wait to get started on writing your ceremony with you and Foxy.
I think you guys made the perfect decision for your wedding and Em will do a fabulous job.
Mrs. Fox, Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MD Age and Occupation: 26, Massage Therapist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Field Support Engineer Engagement Date: April 18, 2010 Wedding Date: June 2012 Venue: Vandiver Inn About Me: I’m a dancer turned massage therapist who was born and raised in New York. Alas, true love has brought me “south” where I still maintain my penchants for pretty shoes, wine, crossword puzzles, cherry blossoms, and the Mets. I own more sunglasses than a normal person should and don’t eat red meat (though I make up for it by eating my weight in sushi). I tend to be a big planner who likes to get things started early, but generally end up being indecisive and procrastinating when it comes down to it. I have a (not so) secret crush on Chris Carrabba, but my loyalty and love ultimately goes to the future hubs, of course! Together, my Foxy man and I love to discuss (read: debate) politics and current events, have Mario Kart and Scrabble duels, and just laugh. A lot. We’re hoping and planning for a laid back, fun, summery, rustic vibe to our June wedding that will be genuinely “us” – that is, if we finally make some decisions. Huzzah!
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