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As I have mentioned in the past, Mr. Buck and I have been together for going on ten years. I think anyone that knows us will say that we are very private people. We aren’t ones to be mushy and lovey dovey in front of people. We have an extremely close relationship, but the details do not get shared with friends, family, coworkers, or —gasp—Facebook. That’s just how we are and how we prefer to stay. Despite the fact that I’m a Weddingbee blogger, I write about details of our wedding, not our relationship.
All this to say that originally, the two of us were freaked out at writing and saying our own vows in front of over 100 people. We would both get super nervous, awkward, and probably end up something like Doug from King of Queens:
{Video via You Tube}
I want the vows between us to be natural. I am confident if we try and do anything other than traditional vows, both of us are going to end up in the awkward zone. We don’t want that, but we still want something personal. So, how do we have our cake and eat it too?
What we have decided to do is write our personal and private vows to each other. We are planning to trade them the night before, to be read on our wedding morning. Then we will proceed with the traditional vows during the ceremony. By doing this, I feel that we will truly be writing to each other from our hearts, instead of writing for the ceremony and avoiding certain details we may want to say to each other, but don’t want everyone hearing. Or trying to be too creative and failing (a la Doug Heffernan). We will also have handwritten vows to keep.
We plan on doing something special with the vows we write to each other. We haven’t quite nailed that detail down, but we are thinking something similar to Mrs. Waffle’s jar sealing ceremony, except we would still keep the words in the letters between the two of us, and just seal them up in a jar.
I have heard a few comments here and there from people I have told this idea to. Some like it, some don’t. In the end, I can’t say those thoughts influence our decision to do this. Doing our vows this way is what makes the most sense to us and feels the most special.
Do you plan on writing your own vows or are you going the traditional route? Have you thought about doing private vows like we plan to?
Maybe I am not understanding what and what not you share, but why are you having a wedding with 100+ guests if you don’t share any details of your relationship with anyone, including family and friends? It seems like a contradiction to be sharing something so much about your relationship (joining your lives together) in front of people who you won’t even discuss the details with.
However, that being said, the exchanging of your vows to each other earlier and sealing them sounds nice. It is sort of like writing letters to each other, sealing them with the promise to read them for the first time on such-and-such anniversary.
Ohmannn I love King of Queens! I think the jar sealing ceremony is so sweet!
love it!
@Portia: The same reason millions of other people have weddings with traditional vows. I’m not saying we are tied up with a lock and key and never share anything. Just for the most part we tend to be private people by nature. We are going what feels the most comfortable and happiest to us.
@Miss Honey: I LOVE King of Queens! I still haven’t watched the series finale because I didn’t want to know what happens haha.
Vows can be super personal so I totally get where you’re coming from. I freaked out over reading mine after we’d written them but we were all in at that point. I think your idea is a sweet compromise and I’m glad you found something that works for you guys!
Mr. D is uber private as well, so we are writing letters for our 1st anniversary (and maybe for some other big ones) and a letter to be opened during a time when it’s very needed (hopefully will never happen). That way we can express how dear each other is, without sharing it with the world.
I wish I had heard of this when I got married! My husband and I recited the “normal” vows because we were both not comfortable with anything else, but I do wish that we had exchanged some personal ones, even if just on paper. 
Great idea!
I love this idea! I wish we had thought to do something like this.
One really lovely thing I have heard of is for people not to say their vows out loud as it were, but to stand at the front and whisper their vows to each other, while some music plays. Obviously they’d have to be short, but apparently it’s really touching and nice. Then you could maybe recite teh traditional vows out loud if you wanted to.
I love it! We’re doing something similar… We’re doing the traditional vows for our ceremony, but we’re also including the wine box ceremony. So we’ll write love letters to each other to open up on an anniversary and read while we drink the wine.
I love this idea, I think I first heard it from Mrs. Frog? Foxy is very private and reserved about mushy gushy feelings, so we may do our own “vows” on our own before the wedding, then have set, “repeat after me” vows at the ceremony. It’s a great middle ground!
I think this is a wonderful idea. Doing the traditional vows in front of your guests might help you keep your emotions in check (or at least this is what I’m telling myself).
And that video is wonderful.
I love this idea, a great way to share personal sentiments without the fear or awkwardness of saying them in front of everyone.
Great idea! Very special for both of you. You have to do what is comfortable to YOU. Because it is YOUR wedding. You don’t have to be mushy gushy in front of your guests to “prove” your love. It would be fake anyway if you’re not the type to do that ordinarily.
Totally love this idea! I want to do this too now! Thanks for sharing!
pdog & i did this. there were a lot of more specific things that i wanted to promise, just not in front of all those people. i kind of wanted to elope, so even saying traditional vows felt big for me.
if it was JUST family and close friends- maybe. but there are the dates of family and friends, that second cousin’s daughter who you’ve never seen before and will never see again. i totally get it
I think this is such a fabulous idea. Mr. Hawk and I are exchanging traditional vows for similar reasons as you. I might have to suggest doing private vows as well!
I love this idea too, totally going to approach the Mr on this one. Mr Pants and I are fairly private, (him even more so than me) when it comes to our relationship too. We’ve planned to do traditional vows, as writing our own and saying them in front of everyone seems too much. This way I could get the best of both, without the overshare.
@Mrs. Lox: Thanks, Lox! I totally agree, sometimes its just a little too personal to share.
@Miss Doily: Such a fantastic idea!
@Mrs. Penguin: The normal vows are beautiful the way they are, so I definitely think it makes sense that we all choose to go that route, and it takes the pressure off as well. Thanks, Pengy!
@Mrs. Meerkat: Thanks, M!
@MsRobyn: I have actually been to a wedding where they did this! The only drawback I noticed was that the guests kind of sat and twiddled their thumbs during that time. However, the wedding isn’t for them, it’s for the bride and groom. So that is definitely a beautiful option!
@TinyTina: I loooove the wine box idea, I still haven’t ruled it out. Yours will be beautiful!
@Miss Turkey: I completely agree. And i’m glad you like the vide Hilarious!
@Mrs. Pony: Thanks, Pony
@Mrs Rock: You hit the nail on the head, Mrs. Rock 
@punky2786: I hope you do!
@Mrs. Prairie Dog: GREAT point, there will be peeps there that you don’t usually hang with. This way of doing things just makes so much sense.
@Miss Hawk: You definitely should, Hawk. It might be nice to have
@Mrs Pants: I am glad you like this idea! I hope Mr. Pants does as well
We did something very similar as well - it was one of my favorite moments of our wedding…wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Miss Doe, Northern California Age and Occupation: 24, Real Estate Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Recycling Manager Engagement Date: December 25, 2010 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: Monte Verde Inn About Me: I’m a Rat Pack fan and a Christmas nut that loves to read, good wine, cheesy ’80s movies and ’90s sitcoms. My wiener dog with an attitude problem and lazy basset hound are my constant source of entertainment. He's a hunter and I like cooking so it's not rare to see wild game on our dinner menu. Both of us were born and raised in a small historic farming town where our feet are still firmly planted. We have been together for nearly a decade and have shared many life experiences together, including birthdays that are only one day apart. We are two old souls that are creating our long-awaited wedding with loads of tradition that blends our two styles into rustic elegance in the foothills of Northern California.
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