On “Seeming” Like a Wedding

As you probably know, Mr. Mole and I are having a pretty small wedding. There will be about twenty people in Vegas, including us. Even our hometown party is going to be small. With our current number of RSVPs, we are looking at fifty-something guests. We are looking forward to having these small, intimate events.

These small, intimate events won’t feature any dancing: no first dance, no father-daughter dance, no mother-son dance, no chicken dance, no line dances. Well, I guess I have to qualify this statement a bit. We won’t be preventing people from dancing a la Footloose, but we aren’t going to be doing much to encourage it. It’s just not us or the vibe we are going for.

Inevitably, when reading about other weddings that don’t schedule in a specific time for dancing, I notice a couple of main concerns from guests:

1. The wedding won’t be any fun.

I really think this is an example of how important it is to know your guests. Our guests are more the type of people who like mingling and talking with each other with a drink in hand rather than living it up on the dance floor. Accordingly, our iPod playlist is less designed to get people dancing than to allow for lively conversation. (That being said, there are definitely some “danceable” songs on the list. And there will be room to dance, if people so desire.)

We fully understand that our reception won’t be as long as those that feature dancing. That’s okay with us. We definitely aren’t planning to have a six hour reception. From first cocktail to last call, we are planning on somewhere between three and four hours. We just went to a wedding like this, and we thought it was perfect.

2. The wedding won’t seem like a wedding.

This one is tougher for me to understand ”” and I hear this comment about a lot of non-traditional decisions that people make. It’s not a wedding without dancing / a tiered cake / the groom in a tuxedo / a surf and turf entree / the ceremony in a church / etc. So what exactly is a wedding? What does a wedding have to have in order to be wedding-like? I figure that we are getting married and then hosting a celebration afterwards. That seems like a wedding to me!

So, hive, what do you think? Are you opting against dancing—or any other traditional wedding “must-have”? Are you getting any flack for your decision?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Mole

Location:
Los Angeles/Las Vegas
Wedding Date:
January 2012
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  1. Member
    mole 1242 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:24 pm

    @salmonette: Thanks! Your day sounds lovely as well. I always think that weddings where you can mingle outside on the lawn are so nice. :)
    @Ms. Rocky Point: Haha we are in the same position with the garter toss! In fact, the only single male who will be at our wedding is our six-month old nephew. I doubt he has the hand-eye coordination to catch anything. Anyway, I think your theme sounds like a lot of fun! I am really interested to see how it ends up. You will have to post pictures! :)

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Natalie, Guest @ 10:50 pm

    This is the problem we are having, although I’m trying not to view it as a problem and rather a point of discussion regarding what my fiancé and I are really about. My fiancé does not drink (personal choice) but he comes from a large family of drinkers who think its not a wedding without open bar and out of control dancing. Honestly this is not our style, and I’m to the point of not caring if other people agree! If I listened to every BS comment about ‘etiquette’ (which often seems to be disguised as someone’s personal, tasteless and/or misinformed opinion) id be having a wedding that I wouldn’t even like or enjoy MYSELF. I want people to relax, drink some good wine, eat great food and go home at 930. There will be dancing but the music will be really mellow and will accommodate all generations. I’m just not into the whole ‘chicken dance Macarena beyonce Chris brown ludacris shake my money maker in front of my 60 year-old aunt’ kind of person. Just me.

  3. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 7:15 am

    Isn’t a wedding a celebration of marriage? And I personally think that the super formal, ultra traditional (church then banquet hall ordeals) tend to be long winded. You get too caught up trying to stay on schedule and can’t have fun.

  4. Member
    MrsBlueSeptember 3487 posts, Sugar bee @ 8:10 am

    Well, you read my post yesterday so you know we are also doing a low key celebration with no dancing after the ceremony. We are also the type that prefer to mingle and talk to our friends & family. I think your wedding sounds perfect and is exactly what my fiance and I are going for with ours. If certain guests at your wedding feel like they need to party some more, well you’ll be in Vegas and they can head to a club after the reception is over! ;)

  5. Member
    MrsBlueSeptember 3487 posts, Sugar bee @ 8:11 am

    @Future Army Wife: @Future Army Wife: I agree!

  6. Member
    mole 1242 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:42 am

    @Natalie: It sounds like we are having similarly low-key receptions! I’m sorry to hear that you are getting negative comments for what sounds like a perfectly lovely wedding. I think that as long as you are being accommodating to your guests and their comfort — which doesn’t include serving a specific type of alcohol or playing a certain kind of music — you are well within the realm of proper wedding etiquette.
    @Future Army Wife: I think any wedding where the schedule is adhered to too strictly feels a little uptight! (However, I HATE when the bride/groom is so late to her/his own wedding where it seems like the entire day’s schedule was thrown out the window! Haha.)
    @MrsKennedytoBe: Haha great point! We were talking about that the other day. I think some of our friends may hit up a club afterwards. We might too, but it would be a banner day if we stay out past 1am. ;)

  7. Member
    pumalvr 109 posts, Blushing bee @ 2:09 am

    I was in your shoes a year ago. Like you, I had intended not to include many traditional elements that our guests had been conditioned to expect in a wedding simply because my husband and I believed they didn’t represent us. We eschewed the church wedding/religious officiant/tuxedos/doves/favors/bouquet/garter toss/I even put a line dancing song that shall not be named on the do not play list and yet, our guests complimented on us for hosting such a loving and sincere wedding.

    I just want to assure you that everything will be fine. Your guests attendance is an public act of affirmation that they love and support you. You’ll realize this when you think back on your wedding, and reflect not on what you didn’t have, but how you felt. Its not going to be a perfect day. but its going to be a great day in your life. One that you’ll cherish for many years.

    P.S. We were so exhausted from the festivities that we were passed out in bed by 11pm. But that didn’t deter our cousins from each side of our families from throwing after parties. Your guests will find ways to entertain themselves, and invariably you’ll find out about it on facebook.

  8. Member
    mole 1242 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:57 am

    @Pumalvr: Thank you for this wonderful comment! It’s hard to keep focus sometimes on the big picture when a lot of the daily planning is all of the little stuff. And I am super curious to see all those pictures on Facebook. ;)

  9. Guest Icon Guest
    Holy Moly Matrimony: The Recap Before the Recaps | In the long run, Guest @ 4:13 pm

    [...] exchanged our personalized vows and our rings at the Wynn, and we had dinner and drinks (but no dancing) at Bouchon Bistro in the Venetian. We also planned a hometown party at a restaurant in Milwaukee. [...]

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