The Domesticated-versary

The Domesticated-versary

January 31st, 2012 @ 3:42 pm by Miss Scone
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Just over a year ago the State of California processed our domestic partnership paperwork and officially made us “domesticated in the eyes of the state.” Would you like to see what it looks like?

(personal photo)

It looks kind of plain right?

About a week beforehand we decided to head over to the notary and get the application signed; it took all of two minutes and cost $53 ($20 for the notary and $33 to the state). Then we dropped it in the mail and grabbed some lunch, all in 30 minutes. Yup, we made things “legal-ish” way before the wedding. I was stuck in a job I detested (there are many other words for how I felt), but I had health insurance and thanks to a misdiagnosis in my teen years I have a big scarlet letter with the insurance industry. It means I cannot purchase individual health care as they decline me every time…but Sweetie Scone’s company provides healthcare to domestic partners (with a domestic partnership in place). We bit the bullet so I could start really looking for a new position without having to worry about healthcare.

We may have ruffled a few feathers in the family when they learned about our domestic partnership, only because some people felt left out and like we had gone to the courthouse and gotten hitched. We don’t view our domestic-partnership certificate as a marriage certificate at all; it was a vehicle for me to get out from under a bad workplace AND it ended up having the added bonus of helping us buy our house together more easily (which was absolutely not on the radar one year ago when we signed a piece of paper). We didn’t get all of the legal protections of marriage, and more importantly our community couldn’t really participate in the process at all (especially in Missouri where we are having our wedding).

There was nothing sacred or special to us about signing the paper in front of a stranger (notary), but it moved us one step closer to where we wanted to be for the wedding. In my past life I worked in vital records and used to witness “courthouse” weddings…signing the form was nowhere near my experience with a “courthouse” wedding. Also, we are encouraged to travel with our domestic-partnership certificate (or a copy) domestically to help protect our rights should bad shite go down. Within the US you aren’t encouraged to do so with a marriage certificate.

After some explanation of these details, the feathers got unruffled and everything went back to being hunky dory.

Tags: kansas-city, legal, relationships |

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18 Responses to “The Domesticated-versary”

Bee

Miss Turkey (message) 300 posts, Helper bee

Have you thought about maybe doing something fun with the form (or a copy) to commemorate the event? Framing or displaying at home?

Glad feathers became “unruffled”!

1/31/12 @ 3:54 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Scone (message) 130 posts, Blushing bee

@Miss Turkey: We might, the hitch is we actually have to use it pretty regularly… we may end up working a copy into some of the stuff we do for the wedding for display

1/31/12 @ 4:01 pm (reply)

Member

Jamieg (message) 67 posts, Worker bee

I don’t know if this applies to domestic partnership forms or not, but I know in Texas you can request a copy of a birth certificate. The copy is also an original. Maybe you could request a copy from CA, frame one, and keep the other one for whatever you’re using it for now….

1/31/12 @ 6:18 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Pony (message) 4,175 posts, Honey bee

I hope you eventually won’t have to carry this around at all and this will become an antiquated document, but until then, at least it is a tiny step in the right direction! And yay for it helping you find a happier job

1/31/12 @ 7:12 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Ke Aloha (message) 479 posts, Helper bee

I’m confused, why do you have to travel with a form?
For the military I should have my Spouse/Dependent ID on me at all times - but that is.. well I guess, if Bad Shite goes down. And we should have POA, a sealed Will, Marriage Cert and Med Recs on hand at all times. Because he is Military and we are not legal for another 4 months. He has already signed over all that stuff - just in case. And to that big folder of stuff after the wedding will be a Marriage Cert.
I don’t know - it makes sense for us because of his job but it just seems goofy that in some states you can have common law with no paperwork and its legal. I wonder what DataBase in the Sky can’t figure this out.

1/31/12 @ 8:53 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Scone (message) 130 posts, Blushing bee

@Miss Ke Aloha: We have to travel with a form because should something bad happen, for me to have access to Sweetie Scone in the hospital (or vice versa) I would have to present that paper, same sex couples get denied access in hospitals regularly. The form does not guarantee that we would have access but it makes it less likely we would be denied.

If we want to rent a car together we have to show the people at the car rental agency “that form”, if we were an opposite sexed couple and said we were married we would not have to present proof of marriage… Many people think that Domestic Partnership is equal to marriage. It is not, as a result we didn’t use it as a stand in for marriage it was just a step towards marriage. Hopefully that explains why.

1/31/12 @ 9:28 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Scone (message) 130 posts, Blushing bee

@Jamieg: It is a considered a Vital Records Document and we could pay to have a certified copy

1/31/12 @ 9:29 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Ke Aloha (message) 479 posts, Helper bee

@Miss Scone:
I really didn’t know it was so different. Here in Hawaii, I don’t know what all the differences are but in the hospitals we have never questioned a couple saying they were Married or a Partnership.

1/31/12 @ 9:45 pm (reply)

Member

arbuzunia (message) 17 posts, Newbee

Hi there, sorry for the off topic but your health care situation really caught my interest as I wrote part of my thesis on US health care (I live in Europe).

How is it that insurance companies can decline you because of a previous misdiagnosis?

2/1/12 @ 12:19 am (reply)

10.

Guest

Dandelion D

@Miss Scone: If we want to rent a car together we have to show the people at the car rental agency “that form”, if we were an opposite sexed couple and said we were married we would not have to present proof of marriage…

How absolutely ridiculous!

2/1/12 @ 5:05 am (reply)

11.

Member

Dandelion D (message) 687 posts, Busy bee

I just want to clarify that I think the ridiculous part is that they would make you show such a form for something so insignificant as a car rental!

2/1/12 @ 5:08 am (reply)

12.

Member

littlelucygoose (message) 145 posts, Blushing bee

I actually find this depressing. You didn’t do this out of love, but out of health insurance necessities? Sad.

2/1/12 @ 5:20 am (reply)

13.

Guest

@littlelucygoose: There’s nothing that Miss Scone said that this wasn’t done in love. As Miss Scone clarified, domestic partnerships are not the same as marriages, not in the eyes of the government and not in the eyes of some couples. I think this is a critical reason, there is a push around the country to legalize marriage for same-sex couples and not just call it “a civil union”. Normal, day-to-day rights and privileges are easily revoked for people in same-sex relationships, and a document stating “domestic partnership” is only a step in getting some of the the most basic things that heterosexual couples have the privilege to take for granted. Besides the “privileges” there are plenty of people who simply want to marry the love of their life and have it be recognized more formally than “domestic partnership”.

2/1/12 @ 6:02 am (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Scone (message) 130 posts, Blushing bee

@littlelucygoose: One way or another we would have done this out of love. Because of where we are getting married (in Missouri not California) we couldn’t incorporate it into our wedding and logistically it didn’t make sense to wait 1.5 years to take the next step. We still have many additional legal steps that we have to take in the next 6 months to help build similar protections into our relationship (like wills, power’s of attorney, life insurance, really sexy things like that ;).

Hopefully that helps to clarify, it was 100% done out of love. There are a few things that Domestic Partnership does though and Health Insurance happens to be one of them.

2/1/12 @ 8:08 am (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Scone (message) 130 posts, Blushing bee

@Dandelion D: It is a little silly, I was a little taken when asked to present the rep. with the form…
@L: Thank you! Hit the nail on the head

2/1/12 @ 8:11 am (reply)

16.

Member

StaceyAnn (message) 29 posts, Newbee

Miss Scone I fully understand! My fiancée is in the AF and our plan was to originally marry before the actual marriage ceremony. I had never seen a partnership form; how cool!

2/1/12 @ 8:25 am (reply)

17.

Member

Dandelion D (message) 687 posts, Busy bee

I totally understand the thought behind this and I don’t think it negates the love of a marriage one bit! Other bees have secretly gotten married for the same reason then went on to have their actual ceremony.

I think if anything it is actually a display of love and comittment. To me it says that your marriage is about more than just the flashy wedding. It’s about the nitty gritty things that are important and about taking care of each other.

2/1/12 @ 9:32 am (reply)

18.

Guest

SoontoBeBride

Some of the most romantic weddings I have been to were Same Sex without anything being legal. I say this because they vowed their love to one another without any legal gain. That being said - it breaks my heart that their weddings were not recognized by the governement. But for all of us that were able to celebrate their union. It was truly beautiful. Two people in love, who really want whats best for the other - should never have to be apart.

And my fiance and I did the legal paperwork for the same reason you did and our unofficial Official Wedding will be this summer. It does not cheat out the moment that you vow to be with one another. I vowed to stay by my loves side the moment I said I love you, and we whispered vows to love each other forever just before he deployed. Nothing was legal, no engagement or wedding to celebrate - but our commitment to each other was more real to me than any document could make it. Sealed with a kiss and I watched him walk away for a year. Two people who love each other and have made a commitment should not be seperated

2/1/12 @ 10:50 am (reply)