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For starters, this post is not meant to offend anyone who has said these things to me, continues to say these things to me, or says these things to themselves. This is satirical. But, I’ve definitely been asked these questions at least 52 times apiece. I’m also pretty sure I am guilty of saying this shit to brides as well. But, with the recent crop of “Shit XYZ people say” videos that I am incredibly obsessed with, it got me to thinking about all the shit people say to me as my wedding nears that I can’t wait to NOT hear people say. And, the answers I wish I could give if I was a jerk. I swear I’m not THAT much of a jerk.
“No, I am not getting excited YET. It hasn’t kicked in YET. Excitement only comes but once a year, right? I am void of all emotion.”
“Too many more that include this question being asked of me, but let me check the count-down clock that resembles a pocket watch that I have hidden under the breast-pocket of my shirt.”
“Really? Well, an invitation is still not on its way to you.”
“No, but it is handy-dandily included in your invitation!!”
“For real? You think I don’t have a dress with a month to go after a year and a half engagement? Next question.”
“No, I am not done with EVERYTHING yet. You can not really be done with everything. Are you going to do all these little non-descript things for me? No. Next question.”
*Throws blackberry memo list at face*
“Go away.”
In all seriousness, the wedding is really close. We’ve been engaged a helluva long time. It doesn’t really bother me much when I hear these same old questions from everyone and anyone, because, with a month to go, I feel a bit more like things are chugging along smoothly. Honestly, the weirdest question I have gotten lately is unrelated to my wedding. On my way to the gym the other day, a woman randomly blurted out to me. “Oh, are you a new mom!?” I just stared at her in a stupor. Good thing to tell a bride a month before her big day. Still trying to figure that puppy out.
What questions are you tired of hearing or amazed at people asking?
“How many days now” and “it’s getting so close” are definitely the top questions I hear.
People also want to know what my dress looks like. It weirds me out when invites guests, who have RSVPed ‘yes’ ask this question. Really? You can’t wait 2 more months to see it? You really need me to describe it to you?!
Ha! I got super annoyed with my mom at one point because I tried to get everything done as early as possible in the engagement, and she was like, “But you don’t have anything left to do!” *head splits open*
hahahah I love this post so much! I too am sick of answering what I have left to do. I mean, do they really want to see all 100 things left on my to do list? And I’m sick of the “are you doing xyz” or “you have to do blah blah.” just shut up and enjoy what I planned people!
I love too how people ask you if you have a date set the day you get engaged. But yes, I’ve been asked all you have written about almost daily. Thanks for the laughs this am!
Laughing my butt off….I needed this laugh this morning!!! I’ve been asked like two of these questions since I’ve been planning our wedding by myself cause no one seems to care about our
Big Day, But who cares, I’m marring my best friend and that’s all that matter 
I love this post!!! I get the same questions asks ALL the time and since we have a very long engagement period it’s even worse I find.
When people say “It’s so soon!”
I want to be like - no $hit!!!! so bad, lol.
it’s so weird because, to be honest, I don’t care about other people’s weddings. I mean - it’s nice they’re getting married but these are just the easy GO TO questions that I ask when I know someone is getting engaged and they are talking about it. I don’t really care. It’s the equivalent of when you walk by a co-worker and say “hey, how’s it going?” It’s just a passive thing to ask. I don’t actually have much invested in knowing the answer.
Sh*t mean people say about other people’s wedding behind their backs: “I don’t really care about her wedding nearly as much as she does.”
you forgot “so how do you plan to lose that weight?” I got that one and it still stings.
OMG Miss P. I have tears from laughing so hard. This is freakin’ hilarious and SO TRUE.
We have a super long engagement too and I am so tired of all the questions. Although my favorite may have been from a co-worker who asked how we were planning on dividing our stuff *if* we get divorced. Wowza.
I hate the “But what else do you have to do?” question! Like planning a wedding is a mere 10-step process. Also, I wanted to strangle a friend of mine who has absolutely no experience with weddings at all, who told me that I really just needed to focus on me and my fiance, bc nothing else is important… Seriously?? It’s not important for the 200 people we’re throwing a weekend long event for to have places to stay or transportation or FOOD??? I know people mean well, but it definitely gets frustrating that people have no idea what all goes into a wedding.
The thing that people say to me to piss me off the most is: “I better get an invite!!!” OMG- really?!?!? If you feel like you need to point that out to me- your probably not getting invited.
Are you excited?!!? Yes, hear this one all of the time. And NOO the excitment wore off a few months after the engament. Now im Stressed, broke, and tired of talking about it. Come June 1st, I’ll be excited again. For now, Im over it!!!
Ok, im really not that bad off. I guess Im excited- but I can only talk about it so much. I wanna talk about something else!!!
Im tired of people inviting themselves to MY wedding!!!! Or telling me what I want as decorations….idiots! Lol
Oh, jeez. These questions (and my inability to deal with people asking questions that I can’t answer) are why I insisted we basically plan our wedding before announcing an engagement. We knew both our venues, the menu, the date within a day, and the guest list within 15 people before we even bought the rings. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so OCD about it, because maybe — starting with planning right off the bat — I missed some of the early engagement magic. after like 6 weeks I was just like Ashley: “Now im Stressed, broke, and tired of talking about it. ” And have been for, oh, 8 months now. With 7 to go.
@scoccaro: Oh yeah I get that alot! I’ve lost 20lbs and all I keep hearing is “oh are you losing it for the wedding?” & all I hear is “Oh so your going to put the weight back on after the wedding…”
I’m in Home Care and my clients caregivers ask me about the wedding all the time. I refuse to give details because they are not invited. But after months of trying to dodge questions she said to me “you know if your not sure you shouldn’t go through with it.” So I told her, no i’m sure, its just a lot of money and because we have a lot of family. To which she responded “well only invite those closest to you, and we’ll be there in back cheering you on.” REALLY lady?!? Come on take the hint!
YES TO ALL OF IT!!! Now I’m really getting wound up… how about…
“well *i* did XXX, and it worked out fine”
“i don’t know what you’re so stressed about, just do it *my* way.”
“wow, you must be really stressed!”
“what’s your theme?”
“why are you doing it there?”
“my second cousin’s neighbor’s dog’s uncle found a really great deal on pear candles wearing flip flops with starfish as a favor, you should TOTALLY just do those instead of your meticulous, handmade, thoughtful favors.” (swap out for ANYTHING - not only favors but invitations, dresses, shoes, venue, etc.)
“oh, you can get that through oriental trading!”
“i didn’t even *do* bridesmaid gifts”/”i only spent $10 on each bridesmaid gift!”/”why are you getting OTHER people gifts? it’s YOUR wedding!”/”for bridesmaids, the best gift is something personalized that they can have as a keepsake forever.”/”bridesmaids gifts should be the purse and jewelry you want them to wear at the wedding!”
“why can’t i bring that guy i met last week? he was really cute!”
“what hotel do we stay at?” i don’t know, check the website that i spent hours making after spending weeks trying to get dozens of travel deals so that people didn’t go broke trying to get there…
which is followed by, “oh, what’s the website?” HEADDESK.
“what do you mean you’re not going to do XXX???”
“why does it have to be on a sunday?”
“couldn’t you do it earlier/later/faster/slower/longer/shorter/here/there?”
“couldn’t you have picked somewhere closer?” (with guests coming from MS, LA, AL, NY, IL, FL, AZ, VT, Australia, South Korea, Canada, etc.)
and of course, everyone’s favorite, “it’s YOUR SPECIAL DAY!!!!!” ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(and yes, i know that most of those things are said by people trying to help, and i do appreciate the sentiment. it just gets really exhausting to get unsolicited advice from a zillion people, especially when that advice isn’t particularly helpful and frequently implies a lot of judgments that i just don’t care to deal with)
This post is amazing. I also really liked the question, “Oh, your hair is so long, are you growing it for the wedding?” and my answer is, “no, you idiot. I’ve had long hair my entire life EXCEPT for the one time several months ago that I donated it. I’m growing my hair because I live it long. Duh.”
Seriously, this post is the bomb.
hahahahaha, LOVE it!!!!!
“well, an invitation is still not on its way to you” and “throws blackberry memo list at face” have me cracking up!! people prolly think i’m crazy, giggling to myself in my cubicle at work, LOL.
yeah, questions like these are starting to get on my nerves too… and the worst is that i KNOW i am guilty of asking some of these to other brides myself, haha. i guess it’s just the way the wedding cookie crumbles…
not too much longer for you now - you CON do EET!!!!! ;D
I really HATED well, you have it all done now, what can there be left to do. Awful. The best though is having people who asked you all of these questions go through their own wedding planning, so you can just smile when they are getting those same dumb questions they asked you…
I hate when I meet with vendors or go to bridal fairs and people say “WOW you’re 6 months away and you STILL don’t have a ____??”. Do they think all I have to do with my days is sit down and meet with DJ’s/bakers/rental companies??
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Mrs. Porcupine, NYC/Lancaster, PA Age and Occupation: 26, Sales Coordinator/Publishing Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Assistant Manager/Sales Engagement Date: August 8, 2010 Wedding Date: March 2012 Venue: Riverdale Manor About Me: I'm a born and bred New Yorker with a love/hate relationship for the city I have always called home. Although I may seem quiet from afar, I have a loud personality once you get to know me. I am a book nerd at heart, but love a night out in the city with good friends. I have a serious addiction to all things cheese, chocolate, cardigans, Mexican food, and reality TV. The future hubs and I met in college, settled in New York, and decided to go with a rustic/peacock infused wedding in Lancaster, PA, right near his hometown. Come the big day, we will be together 5 years, and we're looking forward to making it official!
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