Mr. Dragon and I have both had the unfortunate experience of losing loved ones. He dealt with losing three grandparents one after another in the span of a year, while for me, it feels like the last year or so has had far too many emergency flights home for funerals.
We’ve agreed that there should be some mention or recognition of our family members that cannot be with us on our wedding day. There are grandparents, cousins, and aunts and uncles to acknowledge, and it’s important to us to remember them in some way. Of course, we don’t want the wedding to be too maudlin or sad, so I’ve been trying to think of ways to honour our loved ones without causing additional pain for those of us who have experienced the loss.
Mr. Dragon thought having a Robbie Burns poem as one of our readings would honour his grandfather appropriately, and I’m all for that. We’ve yet to iron out the details, but I think the idea is to have one of his family members do the reading. I’m also considering a brief moment of silence in our ceremony, or a mention of family members lost during our speeches afterward.
Another option is doing a photo display of some sort and including photos of our loved ones that are gone, perhaps with a message explaining the significance of those photos.
Image from Ruffled / Photo by Kiersten Rowland of Elizabeth Lloyd Photography
As for myself, I thought about bouquet photo charms, but I frankly don’t really like how they look. I’m going to try to track down a few personal items from my grandparents to carry, though—I have my grandfather’s pocket watch, given to him by my father, and I can probably ask my mom to find something of my grandmother’s for me to hold onto. That will also fill in the “something old” and “something borrowed” parts of the old saying.
I’ve tracked down some beautiful locket jewelry, too, and I plan to buy a bracelet to hold a photo or two of important people that aren’t at our wedding.
Image from wiyomu on Etsy
It’s going to be hard to go through our wedding day missing people who were such huge parts of our lives, but I’m hoping that having some reminder of their presence will make it easier.
For those who are married or planning, how did/are you remembering your loved ones?
We both lost our fathers at a relatively young age, and I recently lost a mentor who meant a great deal to me. I’m still early in the planning, but I think we will at the very least put something like this in the program:
“On this day of celebration, the bride and groom honor those those who are no longer among us but who shaped their lives and helped bring them to this joyous moment.”
I will probably carry a locket-size picture of my father well.
forgot to add…
I’m also considering how to honor our grandparents, as all of them have passed on as well. Maybe a display with their wedding pictures…
We have both lost some pretty special people. We’re doing a photo display on a table that FI’s uncle made (he’s one of the family members FI has lost). The table is beautiful and fits perfectly in with our theme but truthfully, even if it didn’t, we’d still use it because it’s so meaningful.
I logged on today with this subject weighing heavy on my mind. I am planning a very traditionally styled wedding with alot nostalgic and classic details and wanted to make sure that we recognize our families who have made our day possible. I have a sister who lives overseas and had limited dates she was available to be stateside for our wedding. One of the dates was my FH’s late mother’s birthday. We are going to have a bouquet of her favorite flowers on the cake table. Our sisters and my best friend are our 5 bridesmaids and I am making the photo charms for each of their bouquets as part of the gifts to them which coincide with each of our loved ones. We have gathered all of our parents and grandparent’s wedding photos and will have them displayed.
My sweetie lost his father at a young age, I have lost a grandfather, and there are a few others we will be missing on our day. I want to set up a small memory altar with pictures and one of those candles in the tall glass jars that can burn all day. We are not doing a first look, so I dunno when if at all we will be able to light the candle together. Maybe we need two candles. Hmm… Details tbd!
My condolences for everyone’s losses! I think nearly everyone who has ever planned a wedding has had to touch on lost loved ones in some way.
@39bride: I’m working on our programs (super early but they’re complex!) and I’ve included a little memorial blurb.
@Dandelion D: What a special way to remember him! My mom planted a tree in her yard in memory of my Gramma and I’m hoping we can be near it for the ceremony or at least some photos.
@luvmypuppy6: I love that you’re including the flowers. I think that will be a really special touch for those who knew her.
@Miss_Manda: Maybe you could light it together as part of the ceremony? It sounds like a lovely idea either way!
This is one of the hardest parts of weddings, isn’t it? I was so close to my grandfather and although he passed 16 years ago, my heart breaks that he won’t be there. We recently had a scare with my sister and grandmother and the thought of either makes me want to cancel. Thankfully they will be attending and we will be celebrating the fact we get to celebrate with them. As for my grandfather and list friends and friends who can not attend due to deployments. We are having simple, quiet tributes. A yellow ribbon sewn into my dress, a donation to wounded warriors family fund. A pink ribbon for breast cancer discretly placed. And my grandfathers wedding band tied into my pearl bracelet ge gave me when i was five. We really want to honor the ones we love by giving them what they would want for us. To celebrate and love.
your reading will be lovely, especially since it means so much to your fiance. And the photos are great. My fiance does not want photos or any type of memorial because of culture.
I’m thinking we are just going to have our officiant say something during our ceremony. We have both lost our grandfathers, and I lost my close cousin to cancer last year. We are also planning on including photos of them in our wedding slideshow
We had a mention in our programs and I carried somethings to remind me of people, but decided against anything overt because I knew it would bring some people down.
my sister had our grandmothers’ wedding rings tied into her bouquet and i plan to do the same. i think hanging the rings is a lot more subtle than the photo charms. im sure whatever you decide will be perfect 
I’m so sorry for all of your losses Miss D. We will probably mention something in our programs and have the officiant say something during the ceremony as well.
I attached a locket to my bouquet, and I had chamomile flowers added to my bouquet in honor of my grandfather.
We used purple flowers, which was my grandma’s favorite color (EVERYTHING in her house was purple!) My dad carried my grandpa’s pocket watch and my other grandpa’s swiss army knife. My husband wore a scarf made in my family’s clan tartan to honor that side of the family. We put a note in the ceremony program that the flowers on the altar were dedicated to loved ones who were no longer with us, and we named these important people with their first names. This way, we didn’t have any tearful moments with speeches or anything that would make me cry, but we still honored our relatives in quiet ways.
Mrs. Dragon, Sioux Lookout/Brockville, ON Age and Occupation: 24, Journalist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Graphic Designer Engagement Date: August 22, 2011 Wedding Date: September 2012 Venue: Mother of the Bride’s Residence About Me: I moved to Northern Ontario for a job, expecting to be single for the year I'd be there. Within one month I was dating a co-worker, and now, more than two years later, we’re planning a wedding and I’m still a Northern girl. I’m a reporter and a photographer for a small-town newspaper, and I get to do all kinds of fun, exciting, and sometimes weird things at work. When I’m not getting the scoop, I’m cooking, adventuring, playing with our three black cats, or blogging.
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