Need. Sleep. And a Glass of Wine.

The past few nights, I’ve woken up around 2:30am unbelievably anxious with this immense sensation of being incredibly overwhelmed. I’m already prone to anxiety—it’s been pretty good for the past year and a half or so, but I feel it starting to take over my life again. It’s like a panic attack in the middle of the night, for no reason whatsoever. I mean, sure…my to do list seems to be ever expanding and I also volunteered to organize and plan brideslady M’s bachelorette party coming up in two weeks…but in my waking hours, I feel in control. Once I go to bed, it seems to be a whole different story.

The closer the wedding gets, the more I’ve realized I have to do. It’s all stuff that I just sort of assumed would get done at some point, stuff that had to wait until closer to the wedding (think: programs, rehearsal dinner invites, favors, etc). Now that certain details have been settled on and I can actually get started on these things, I’m getting that overwhelmed sensation and I start panicking, especially at night when I’m in bed and have all these thoughts running through my mind.

Of course, money plays a part in all of this as well. Our original budget was for 110 people, but it looks we’ll be closer to 130. There’s at least a couple hundred. The due date for the remainder due for our photog, DJ, flowers, and cake is coming up in May. There’s a couple thousand. Up until last I week I completely forgot that I’m getting my hair and nails done and paying for part of the girls’ hair, so there’s another couple hundred. I still need things for our favors, the guestbook, reception decor, ceremony decor, etcetera. Omigod I’m panicking.

::Deep breath::

This is exactly why I have this tattooed on my forearm.

_MG_695

Photo by Ellen Silverman

Quick aside: my mom loves this tattoo so much that she made her wedding photog get about a dozen pictures of it with my flowers. She also keeps saying that she should have paid for it and written it off on her taxes because she thinks about it and my tattoo so frequently when it comes to work. I mean…I’ll take the money, mom. ;)

Anyway. Yes. I’m overwhelmed by it all. And I thank the heavens for days like today when I have a big chunk of time between clients at work so I can get some stuff done (and…you know…blog).

My current state of stress has also made me reconsider some of the projects and things on my to do list that are half done or still need to be done. Take our favors, for example—I know I haven’t posted about them yet, but let’s just say they were originally going to involve a lot more DIY than they actually will. Then there’s the photo booth…oh, I didn’t tell you I want am dying for one of those? Since it wasn’t in the budget, I had high hopes of doing a DIY one a la many bees before me, but I really don’t see that getting done in the next few months. So that’s probably out. And as for the videography thing.. I’m pretty sure we’re just going to have someone record the ceremony and the parts of the reception that we want. Foxy got a nice new HD video camera not too long ago, and we’re pretty sure we can make that work. It’s cool, I’m over it. It’s less money and another less vendor I need to deal with at this point.

I realize some of this sounds like I’m giving up on things, but I promise that’s not the case. I just don’t want to take so much on that nothing gets done right, you know? I’m pretty much forbidden by Foxy to add on any new projects, which is fair. I have more than enough on my plate right now. I know it’s gotten bad when I need to make a list of the lists I need to make. True story.

On the flip side, I getting ants in my pants excited that we only have about three months left. I’m…overwhelmingly excited? Excitedly overwhelmed? Something like that. The thing is, I just want to make the most of everything, because I love being engaged and I love planning our wedding, and I won’t ever have this time in my life again. It’s a whole bunch of mixed emotions rolled into one. I’m handling it the best I can, but I would really appreciate it if I could not wake up at 2:30am for two hours anymore. Le sigh.

How did you/are you feeling three months out from your wedding? Did you have a mini freak out like I did(/currently am having)?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Fox

Location:
Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MD
Wedding Date:
June 2012

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  1. Member
    hyena 2537 posts, Sugar bee @ 9:05 am

    I love your tattoo! This is funny because I’ve been thinking for a long time about getting “breathe” tattooed on my wrist in white ink. My mom would kill me! But I also have anxiety issues and have to remind myself constantly!

  2. Member
    MissKabers 537 posts, Busy bee @ 9:09 am

    i SO hear you on the overwhelming feeling creeping in – we are just five weeks away and my walls have more post-its on them then it did 4 months ago. i am REALLY happy that i did a ton of DIY stuff early, bc some things that I had really wanted to get done I am thinking about either cutting or outsourcing (and who the heck has the money for that) and money has become such a stressor – i knew it would be, but now that we had some pulled out very recently, it has become a lot harder :( and then there is the crazy excitement – THAT is what i try to focus on when i breathe – just think, it is going to be AMAZING! good luck in the next couple of months!

  3. Member
    hawk 1117 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:16 am

    I know how you feel! Lately I’ve been this mix of “I can’t wait until this is over” and “Oh my God! I don’t want it to be over! I’ll never get to do this again!” Along with that there is overwhelming anxiety that I’ll never get everything done mixed with some exhaustion. I think I’m going to have to do some re-evaluating with projects so I don’t drive myself into the ground! BTW, forget the glass of wine and give me a bottle! ;)

  4. Member
    ccurling 73 posts, Worker bee @ 9:21 am

    I’m still 6 months out and I have a panic attack at least 3 times a week. It’s so much to do I could scream. I’ve tried to calm down but it seems like I’m ignoring the problem which stresses me out more. I can’t wait to marry my soon-to-be but I wish I had more help from almost anyone to get all this done.

  5. Member
    lmk710 214 posts, Helper bee @ 9:29 am

    Keep checking Groupon and Living Social. I was able to get the photobooth for $595!

  6. Member
    AliceandtheOwl 29 posts, Newbee @ 9:31 am

    This is crazy — I literally JUST published a post on my own blog about my own 3-month panic. My wedding is in the very beginning of July and I just realized how much STUFF needs to get done between AND how much cash I will need to part with between now and then. I made a vow to myself to try and accomplish one wedding-related task per day, or make one wedding-related decision per day, but even with this plan of action I’m feeling like I’m losing control of the situation.

    So yes, 3-month flip-out — big fat CHECK. I’m right there with you, Foxy.

  7. Member
    mrsbdell 54 posts, Worker bee @ 9:32 am

    I’m three months away too and I’m also having mini freak outs and crazy mixed emotions. I assigned due dates for everything on my to do list. It really helped me feel more in control. That way, I can just focus on what I need to do that week instead of looking at the whole list.

  8. Member
    toshella 730 posts, Busy bee @ 9:46 am

    I literally broke down crying the day we hit our 100-day countdown. There’s just something about the 3 month mark that just makes you freak out! Don’t worry, it gets better!

  9. Member
    archer 551 posts, Busy bee @ 9:51 am

    i’m six months out and have been having some major anxiety issues, so i feel you! keep breathing, girl- you can do it!

  10. Member
    mtnhoney 1311 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:56 am

    Phew! we can all relate, I’m sure.
    I have two pieces of advice:
    Sparkbooth, for a faux-to booth. It costs $50-60 to purchase the software, and then all you need is a computer with a web cam and a printer to print the pics. I am estimating I can do it all for $130: that includes buying the software, photo paper, a colourful shower curtain for a backdrop, and some fun, random props/hats from the thrift store. You can do it!!

    Ortho-sleep. It’s a natural sleep aid, with valerian, passionflower, etc. Take one a half hour before bed and you will sleep through the night. All natural and it works! it got me through the worst of my anxiety back in January.

    good luck!

  11. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 10:01 am

    I hope you can enjoy the last few months of planning, it’s a big ball of stress, but it’s so worth it in the end :)

  12. Member
    coyote 1544 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:13 am

    Three months away and I haven’t slept into two weeks. Yay for wedding-induced insomnia! :D

  13. Member
    porcupine 633 posts, Busy bee @ 10:48 am

    I’m not much help, because I have frequent anxiety attacks at work sitting at my desk. Like… an hour ago. And, then I feel chained to my desk because I’m thinking of everything else I need to do later and can’t do at that moment. However, I will say this- it gets done. I freaked out about how all the to dos would get done and well, suddenly, with a week to go I only have minor, miniscule things to accomplish. They get done and the stress (i have heard at least) melts away the day of the wedding.

  14. Member
    msfox 1635 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:18 am

    @Mrs. Hyena: Ohh I love the look of white ink tattoos.. I still think you should get it. ;) My mom isn’t really a fan of me having tattoos in general, but she just really loves that one!
    @MissKabers: Yes! I’m trying super hard to just focus on the excitement part of it. I know it will be a blast regardless, it’s just the process of getting there!
    @Miss Hawk: Well, by glass I meant one of our jumbo glasses which fits about half a bottle, lol! And I hear you on ALL those emotions. It’s nuts.
    @ccurling: I’ve totally thought about pimping myself out to Twitter to see who would help me do things! But then I realize I’m a control freak and almost *want* to do it myself, even though I’m making myself batty.
    @lmk710: Lucky duck!! I saw a deal a while ago, but it expired before our wedding date. :(
    @AliceandtheOwl: I’m thinking it’s inevitable. The best we can do is make our lists and check things off and be really diligent about it.. and drink wine. ;)
    @mrsbdell: I need to assign due dates. I keep telling myself to and then I forget.. and then things are as they are now: totally half finished with no set time of when they will actually be done. Yikes.
    @toshella: Aw! I didn’t cry yet.. but it’s coming. I’m guessing the day I start my alterations in a few weeks. It’ll be about two months at that point!
    @Miss Archer: I def also had the anxiousness at 6 months out.. time just goes by so fast!
    @mtnhoney: Yes! I heard about Sparkbooth! I think I’m just concerned about someone trying to steal my laptop..? Is that absurd?? And I’ll try the Ortho-sleep! I’ve taken melatonin before and that’s been sort of helpful, but I’m totally open to new things.
    @Mrs. Pony: Le sigh.. I know it will be. Thanks. :)
    @Miss Coyote: You poor thing! But I get it. Are you getting stuff done while you’re awake…? ;) It’s like.. extra hours. Or not, since we’d rather be sleeping.
    @Miss Porcupine: So good to hear that you’re getting it done despite all the freak outs. And I have the same issue.. I think of all these things when I’m working and don’t even have time to write them down, much less do them.. ughh it gets frustrating!

  15. Member
    karebearangel 7 posts, Newbee @ 11:25 am

    I’m also 3 months away and JUST YESTERDAY freaked out with FH about all the money we weill have to pay our vendors soon!

  16. Member
    thrilladelphia 12 posts, Newbee @ 11:41 am

    We only have a 5-month engagement, so at 3 months, i actually felt like I had plenty of time.
    Now, however, 3 weeks out I definitely have some anxiety. We still have a fair amount of stuff to do… I guess my approach to feeling I have too much to do in too little time is just to choose to simplify. As long as you have food, venue, music and drinks, I think it’s ok to forgo some of the extras. Your guests love you and are coming to be with you, not for the fancy details. I think whatever you can do to cut yourself some slack is ok.

  17. Member
    Coffee cup 2319 posts, Buzzing bee @ 12:56 pm

    I think it’s great you’re letting things go, is not that you’re giving up, is that as the wedding gets closer you realize you don’t need all you want and it’s better to let some things go.

  18. Member
    cancanny 61 posts, Worker bee @ 1:32 pm

    We are.. 51 days out. Shoot me. I kinda need to have minor surgery, my dog’s foot is swollen and prob has a broken bone or two (great, lets just have a couple xrays, shall we?!), I am on my last pair of contacts, my knee isn’t cooperating with any workout routine… my bridesmaids need me to play middleman with Bridal Shower planning (I. Know.) and… oh right, a wedding.

    I think printing out a bunch of pictures for a photo-line may is the next thing on the chopping block. Followed by any bouquets that cost more than babies breath. AND we are less than 2 months away!!!!! I just want this worry to be behind me. Oh, I also discovered/believe I now get stress hives. On my neck. WHY?!

    (meant this to be a “you are not alone” post, not a “one up” comment.)

  19. Member
    parasol 2955 posts, Sugar bee @ 6:55 pm

    I can totally relate to your feelings, Miss Fox! There’s so many opportunities to stress and worry about the wedding, and I think we all too often take them. I’m glad that you’re remembering to breath. And yes, wine helps everything. :)

  20. Member
    sweetbee29 525 posts, Busy bee @ 9:14 pm

    I wake up in the middle of the night about 3 times per week, and that’s after taking xanax and lunesta. Xanax definitely helps and once you get the Rx, generic is available! I hate waking up in the middle of the night because of wedding related tasks. I’m 7 months out…

  21. Member
    SarahConnors 152 posts, Blushing bee @ 9:30 pm

    Oh my gosh YES!!! We’re a little less than three months away as well and I’ve barely slept the last three nights- granted I’m also a full time student in a dual degree program (Bachelors & Masters degree simultaneously at the same time) and working and extra curricular GAH!! Oh and the stress my shoulders just hold onto and won’t let go is killing me! I might need the whole bottle of wine lol. Don’t worry! You’re not alone!

  22. Guest Icon Guest
    Foxy Mama, Guest @ 9:39 am

    Keep Breathe-ing! <3 It’s all going to be more beautiful than a David Tutera creation b/c it is uniquely yours. :-)

    @ Ms. Fox: Listen to your vm & call me!

  23. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:12 pm

    I’ve also been getting the excited but ready for it to be over anxiety. I only want our wedding to speed up so I can stop worrying about finishing everything.

  24. Member
    mtnhoney 1311 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:33 pm

    @Miss Fox: If you are worried about your laptop being stolen (and certainly hope something like that wouldn’t happen at a wedding with family with friends, but better safe than sorry i guess!) hide it in a box or something more secure and run a USB cable from it to an old keyboard and monitor.
    that way people don’t see your laptop, and they are just touching a basic keyboard to take and print the photos.
    you can totally get a photo booth at your wedding for cheap, I’m determined as well.
    maybe it’s a DIY project that you can delegate to your husband-to-be?? :)

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    http://www.amazon.com/The-PA-Solution-Ultimate-ebook/dp/B00D9TFYLY, Guest @ 5:35 am

    Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an really long
    comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not
    writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say superb
    blog!

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