So, I’m about to get real with you today Hive. I hope you’re ready!
You may or may not have noticed by now my little badge of honor. Honestly, you probably haven’t. It’s glaringly obvious to me, but we are our own worst critics. I have been told many times that it’s not noticeable (but the self-conscious part of me thinks everyone is saying that just to be nice).
Anyways, I’m done being vague.
Here it is:
See it? No?
How about now?
When I was two years old my mother took me to a routine checkup with my pediatrician. He heard something in my ticker that concerned him and referred my mother to a pediatric cardiologist. I’ll spare you all the medical-speak, but things were not good and I underwent open heart surgery at the ripe old age of two.
Due to my thorough pediatrician, a wonderful cardiologist and an incredibly skilled surgeon (not to mention about a billion prayers) everything went smoothly. I have no restrictions and have lived a completely normal life. I’m lucky to be alive, let alone totally healthy, and you bet your butt I count my lucky stars every day that I’m here, breathing, living and enjoying my life.
I’m sure you’re wondering right about now what this has to do with weddings. I promise it’s relevant.
The only physical reminder I have of my heart condition is this doozy of a scar. I’ve already shown off my dress to you… It’s strapless and it has a sweetheart neckline. Not very conducive for hiding a large scar.
Now, I know I am not the only person to have a noticeable scar and in the grand scheme of things I count myself lucky that it’s not any worse. Regardless of that, I am incredibly self-conscious about my scar. I know it’s vain, but I can’t help it. Up until about age 17 I would only buy shirts that covered my scar. Although my parents were probably thrilled that their teenage daughter was uninterested in plunging necklines (like many of my friends were) it was also incredibly difficult to find “cool” clothes that were fit for a nun. Scoop neck shirts were my best friend:
I wore this particular swim suit for years simply because it almost completely covered my scar. (Okay, okay, and the dragon is pretty kick-ass.)
Now I know it’s faded tremendously over the years, but I see it all the time… Especially in photos.
I wish I was brave enough to rock my scar. I feel guilty even as I type this out. But I’m just not that strong. And I’m vain. I want to look my best on my wedding day and unfortunately no amount of dieting or tanning will make this go away. And at the end of the day the photos are for me and my husband. Even if I am oozing happiness and beauty that day I know I will focus on my scar if it shows up in photos.
I am hoping that the combo of an awesome make up artist plus my photographers’ amazing editing skills will do the trick. I went back through our engagement photos and noticed that it’s actually not very noticeable at all once they worked their magic:
Hopefully I will get similar results for our wedding day photos!
Do you have any badges of honor? Are you covering them up for the big day or proudly showing them off?