When it came time to decide who was going to officiate our ceremony, Mr. Dalmatian and I were a little bit lost. Neither of us are religious, nor are we getting married in a religious setting, so that did not provide an easy answer for us.
Nor do we have a friend like Joey who could become ordained on the internet.
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| Image via Nickatnite.com |
So, feeling a little lost, I turned to what I had found to be a great resource: the Favorite Links page on our venue’s website (any Nashville brides out there, I recommend you check it out). From here, we found Bill Covington. He has evidently performed a crazy amount of ceremonies of all shapes and sizes here in Nashville. Great! But then we had another decision to make…
The fee that he charges appeared to be reasonable compared to others that we researched, but there was also an additional fee for any meetings before the wedding.
My first instinct was that there was no question – we had to pay this extra fee and meet him before the wedding. But as the countdown has decreased and the “wedding money spent” column on our spreadsheet has increased, my stance on the situation has changed.
Mr. Dalmatian has always been all for skipping the pre-wedding meeting. Have I mentioned that he is the one in the relationship that actually likes to adhere to the budget? Yea, he’s silly like that. I think what brought me over to his side was when I wrote our ceremony (more on that to come). I realized that I, as a very detail-oriented and slightly obsessive-compulsive bride, wrote out everything that we wanted. Word. for. word.
So here I was, a little over a month before our wedding. At this point we have already committed to the officiant (in the form of a deposit and the fact that every other possibility was probably booked), and I had already determined the details of the ceremony wording. So what exactly would a meeting accomplish? Yes, we could shake hands and say hello to him, but I have been assured that he will arrive when we are taking pictures, and we will have plenty of time for pleasantries as the guests are arriving before the ceremony.
Am I a little nervous about not meeting our officiant until the day of our wedding? Yes. But have I come to terms with the fact that for us this makes the most sense? Yes. For some couples, the person that officiates the ceremony is a very important aspect of the wedding. For us, it just did not work out this way. The words of the ceremony will be what makes it special, not the individual who is saying them (other than the parts that are spoken by the bride and groom and reader of course!).
Did you have any vendors you didn’t meet until the day-of? Is someone special officiating your ceremony?
Although we did meet our officiant, I feel the same way. I’m writing the ceremony word for word myself, she’s just someone we found online who can say the words I wrote and make this thing legal! lol. It also over halfed the price to not have her write it. I’m going to email her my final ceremony for her to look over before the wedding, but otherwise she’s literally just there because legally we need her…I wouldn’t pay extra for the meeting, as long as he can read, should be fine! haha
We hadn’t met either of our photographers until the day of our wedding. I didn’t think it was a big deal at all. We had talked over the phone and I had seen his work so everything was already discussed. We ended up getting along really well and the pictures came out beautifully!
Had we not booked a friend for our photography, we would have been meeting the photog day-of. I haven’t met our rental peeps but my mom has, if that counts, and I’ll be meeting them the Thursday before the wedding.
I think as long as you have talked to him on the phone to make sure you can stand his voice you should be fine! Haha 
My FI and I are in the same boat. We won’t meet our Officiant until the day of the wedding. I also wrote our entire ceremony and to us (well probably me) that is what matters most. Our Officiant is an Ordained Minister and we have corresponded through e-mail, etc but that is it. No big deal to us. I have it all planned out. We are not getting married in a church and we are not religious. The fee was cheap – $75.00. I think it is totally the way to go
Even though we knew our officiant (we had a friend perform our ceremony), we didn’t go over the ceremony once with her. Like you, I had written everything we wanted to be said, and it worked out wonderfully!
It never ceases to amaze me how many different perspectives/sets of priorities there are. I’m glad you guys are figuring out – and sticking to – what’s right for you. For myself, I cannot imagine being OK with meeting our officiant for the first time on the day of the wedding. It was a major priority for me that we be married by someone of significance in our lives. So far we have confirmed my mentor/interfaith programming coordinator from college as the main officiant. (She was incredibly important to me in college, kind of my mom/big sister away from home as well as a spiritual inspiration. We kept in touch but had lost touch a few years after college. Serendipitously, I reconnected with her after 5+ years of being out of touch, just months after getting engaged!) We’ll also have a second officiant, a good friend from college who’s an ordained protestant minister, if she is able to make it up from South America where she now lives and works.
Again, all this is not to judge anyone else’s choices. It’s what’s right for us, and I’m so so so thrilled we’ve got this choice squared away!
We’ve only met with our officiant once and I’m not sure if we’ll be seeing her again before the big day!
I have yet to meet our videographer and I never officially met the DJ, but he did DJ for the last wedding I went to.
I am sure it will all work out just fine!
I’m the owner of a business that officiates ceremonies in three states and I support the decision to not meet your officiant until the day of. I also support the posters who feel that they must meet with their officiants beforehand.
That’s the whole beauty of being able to get married in the manner that you see fit. Like many others, we, too offer a ceremony level that is budget-friendly, but doesn’t include in-person meetings. Many couples love it. Many others wouldn’t dream of it. It’s all a matter of where you want to spend your money on your big day.
I do disagree with the poster who said that all the officiant needs to be able to do is read. There’s actually a little more to it than that! However, there’s nothing that can’t be gleaned from phone calls and a few solid testimonials!
So many couples plan destination weddings, that sometimes they never meet any of their vendors until the day of. If you choose wisely, it all goes smoothly.
For some brides in near impossible to meet with some vendors before the day of; for example here in New York City I perform many Elopement wedding ceremonies in Central Park, but I try to be available through the wide variety of communication streams that technology has.
@Miss Dalmatian; what really matters that you are at peace with the decision that you made. And from the experience and reviews of your officiant you should be very confident that he will do an amazing job. They key is that your heart tells you that this person will do a great job even though you did not meet.
Best wishes to all of you!
Mrs. Dalmatian, Nashville, TN Age and Occupation: 23, Pediatric Nurse Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Computer Engineer and Entrepreneur Engagement Date: April 13, 2011 Wedding Date: May 2012 Venue: Historic Cedarwood About Me: I am a Northern girl from Chicago who is planning a wedding filled with Southern charm in Nashville, Tennessee. I love dogs, the White Sox, Full House reruns, and anything with ruffles on it. Mr. Dalmatian is my computer-genius problem-solving fiance who is constantly teaching me new things and making me a better person. We live with our adopted pup Echo, who is very excited that his parents are getting married!
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