Sometimes You Just Know. Part Two.

So, one winter night, Lady T kissed me.

It was January 12th.

I was 15 years old. We’d been “watching” Pearl Harbor. (Truth be told, I only ever saw the first half of that movie.)

That kiss changed my life.

For four years after that moment, Lady T and I shared thousands of kisses. She was my first love, my best friend, and my biggest learning experience.

At this point in Lady T’s life, she had a girlfriend—she just didn’t tell me about it. She was ashamed of the way she felt—essentially, like many homosexual people, ashamed of her attraction to women. Because of this, she spent a lot of time lying not only to everyone around her, but also to herself.

I’ve always considered myself to be kind of asexual; I’ve never truly been drawn to one sex over the other, but rather am attracted to certain people. Like I mentioned in my last post, I have a sort of intuition that I tend to follow. Every person I’ve ever loved deeply has been someone that I had an instant attraction to, and those people are not all of the same sex.

So, if you have to label me, I suppose I’m a bisexual person. Although I’ll always tell you just how much I loathe labels.

So here I was, 15 years old, making out with my best friend every chance I got, and completely head over heels in love. The way I felt around Lady T was indescribable. It was heaven and hell all at once.

Because of Lady T’s discomfort with her own sexuality, we lied (mostly by omission) about our relationship for the duration. My family had always made it clear that there is no harm in a same-sex relationship so long as it’s a happy, healthy, productive relationship. So shame was never an emotion I felt when it came to my relationship with Lady T.

I remember the light in her eyes when she would look at me…but behind that light there was a lot of pain. Pain I never understood.

As those four years passed, Lady T made it clear to me that our relationship would not last because of her insecurities about her sexuality.

As our relationship dissolved, my heart dissolved with it.

I never quite gave myself to anyone else because it was just easier not to.

BLOGGER

Miss Tiara

Birthday:
May 17
Location:
Wichita
Wedding Date:
December 2012

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  1. Member
    Queen2bee 159 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:17 am

    Both of my best friends would relate really well to you, Miss Tiara. And both of their girlfriends would relate really well to Lady T. I am so touched by the fact that you are willing to share all parts of your story. It must not have been easy, and I’m so glad you ladies made it all the way here when you are planning your wedding!

  2. Member
    mtnhoney 1311 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:12 am

    Nice to meet you, Miss Tiara!

  3. Member
    Coffee cup 2319 posts, Buzzing bee @ 12:11 pm

    Ohh you’re keeping me at the edge of my seat with these posts.

  4. Member
    ostrich 2402 posts, Buzzing bee @ 12:32 pm

    My heart is hooked on you and Lady T’s star crossed love story, Miss T. You are a beautiful writer and I’m looking forward to hearing more about your wonderful wedding story.

  5. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 2:40 pm

    Your story is so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time, love the job you’ve done retelling it for us!

  6. Member
    clumsylawyer 1351 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:40 pm

    It makes me so sad when people struggle with their sexuality because it’s only society that creates that struggle. A friend of mine was petrified about meeting her girlfriend’s super-strict christian parents because her (the girlfriend’s) previous partner had been thrown out of the house and left to find her own way home at 17. Luckily her parents have come to accept their relationship and they got engaged a couple of months ago.

    Even knowing the outcome of your relationship, my heart’s in my throat. I’m so happy for you guys that you’ve been strong enough to get through those tough times together.

  7. Member
    Mrs. Dragon 814 posts, Busy bee @ 5:10 pm

    I’m happy we know there’s a good ending to this story!

  8. Member
    parasol 2955 posts, Sugar bee @ 10:54 pm

    Ahhh, I can’t wait to hear the happy ending!

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