Beware the…Momzilla?

Disclaimer: Yes, my mother reads my blog. Yes, a majority of what is in the post to follow I have said to her in person so none of this will come as a shock to her. This is *mostly* meant in jest. If there is one thing you should know about me it’s to never take me too seriously. Right, Mom?!

Miss Mink talked a little bit about mothers not being present during wedding planning, but what happens when you have a mother on the other end of the spectrum? You get a Momzilla, that’s what happens.

You guys all know how important my family is to me, so I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise that my mom and I are super close. Even though we are separated by a three-hour drive, we see each other often and call each other weekly (although with the wedding approaching our phone calls have increased in frequency).

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Momma Coyote and me at my bridal shower last month.

Now, my mom is a pretty rational person (most of the time). She has a good head on her shoulders and I’ve always looked up to her and respected her greatly. But in the months following my engagement something changed, and it is clear to me that Momma Coyote has been bitten by the WIC bug. Badly. This lady wants ALL THE THINGS and she’s not afraid to say it.

In fact just the other night she called me and said, “You know, I was talking to my friend about her daughter’s wedding and they made these bags for the guests who booked a hotel room and put all sorts of fun things into them! Like homemade cookies!”

Miss Coyote: “Oh yeah, those are called welcome bags…I’ve heard of them before.”

Momma Coyote: “We should do that!”

Miss Coyote: “Mom, we have just over a month left til the wedding. I still have to assemble the favors and print the programs and menus. Oh and there’s that pesky little full-time job that’s been taking up a lot of my time. I think it’s a nice touch, but there just isn’t enough time. I think it’s OK to do without.”

Momma Coyote: “Well I can do them! We wouldn’t really need that many…”

Miss Coyote: “OK, if you really want to do them you can. But you’ve got enough on your plate right now and I just think they’re going to end up being really time consuming.”

Momma Coyote: “No you’re right. It’s just another thing to buy anyway.” Laughter. And a pause. She’s thinking. This can’t be good. “How about bathroom baskets?!?!”

Miss Coyote: “Sigh.”

LaborDa

I love you Momma, but you’re drivin’ me crazy!

My mom has been with me for every step of our wedding journey. Mr. Coyote is an amazing person and he has many wonderful qualities, but planning a wedding is not one of them. Basically, I make all major decisions, wave them in front of his face for approval, and move on. I’d love for him to be more involved in the planning, but he has told me from day one that he’s just not that interested. And although my bridesmaids have been super supportive, the reality is they just don’t care about all the minute details that go into a wedding. And to be honest, half the time I don’t really care either! That’s where Momma Coyote comes in. This woman is interested in EVERY aspect of wedding planning…maybe even a little too interested.

Need another example? A few months ago we all sat down together to finalize the menu. Each entree comes with a vegetable and a starch. I thought the zucchini sounded nice for the vegetable side, but Momma Coyote really wanted the asparagus. We went back and forth a bit until I relented. I added it to the list of things-about-the-wedding-that-I-really-don’t-care-about and moved on. That is until last weekend when the phone rang:

Momma Coyote: “Miss Coyote? I’m in the car. I’m driving to your grandparents’ house and all of a sudden I thought of something. I know we decided on asparagus, but now I think maybe we should do the zucchini. Do you think people would prefer zucchini or asparagus?”

Miss Coyote: “Zucchini. That’s why I suggested it.”

Momma Coyote: “Yea, you know I’m just not sure. I think people like both. And I think the asparagus will be presented better on the plate.”

Miss Coyote: “Right. That’s why we decided on asparagus.”

Momma Coyote: “But what if people don’t like asparagus? Maybe more people like zucchini. I wish we could take a poll and see what people like better.”

Miss Coyote: “Mom, I don’t care. But we’ve only got a month left and we need to tell the venue if we’re going to change our minds. I don’t care which one you pick, you really just need to make a decision.” (I can’t believe I just said to my mom regarding a decision for my own dang wedding.)

This went on for a few minutes and a decision has yet to be made concerning the asparagus-zucchini debate. In fact, my friends are so excited about the outcome that they are in the process of creating “Team Asparagus” and “Team Zucchini” shirts to don on the big day. It’s going to be an all out vegetable war. In the meantime a separate battle has cropped up pitting the penne against the cavatelli.

Here’s the thing. I really appreciate that my mom is so interested in the wedding. Planning a wedding can be an incredibly lonely process when your friends are single and your groom is more interested in Diablo 3 than if the program should have a purple or silver border. I consider myself very lucky to have someone who is genuinely invested in our wedding to bounce ideas off of. And if that means letting Momma Coyote make decisions about asparagus or zucchini or favors or bathroom baskets then so be it. It makes her happy, and at the end of the day these decisions are just not that important to me. All I really care about it is that 20-minute little ceremony that will bond Mr. Coyote and me together as husband and wife. Everything else is just fluff.

But for Momzilla, it’s the most important part of the day.

Is anyone else struggling with a Momzilla?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Coyote

Location:
Westchester, NY
Wedding Date:
June 2012

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  1. Member
    FutureMrs.Mathy 148 posts, Blushing bee @ 3:59 pm

    I wouldn’t call my mom Momzilla…although she definitely has her moments.

    My Groom, however, is also in love with Diablo 3. It’s torture trying to get him to help me plan instead. I kind of gave up trying!

  2. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 4:13 pm

    I’m sorry Miss Coyote, but this is so funny! I’m team zucchini btw.

    That being said, I think’s amazing she’s so involved in this, I know how frustrating it must be sometimes but looing at it as an outsider and thinking about your mom getting all excited about welcome bag’s is really nice.

  3. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 5:21 pm

    Aw, your mom’s excitement is so cute! I’m totally on team asparagus, just so you know :)

  4. Member
    mrsmbeegee 207 posts, Helper bee @ 5:46 pm

    First, Team Asparagus all the way!

    Second, I totally have a momzilla on my hands! We still have 10 months until our wedding and I get calls like these from my mom once a week. (I totally regret telling her about Pinterest!) Sometimes it makes me want to scream. However, I quickly remind myself that if she wasn’t this excited I would be even more upset. For me, I’d rather deal with a momzilla than the alternative.

    Thanks for this post! Glad to hear that there are some other bees dealing with an overly excited momma-bee.

  5. Member
    piglet23 8 posts, Newbee @ 6:01 pm

    LOL!! Love this post, and all the Momzillas out there :)

    I started calling my Mom “MOBzilla” a few months into the planning stages :) But you know what? This woman responds to every.single.one of my wedding emails with lots of !!!! and love. We have a lot of relatives coming from overseas and she wants it to be nice.

    We are truly blessed to have such wonderful partners through this process! Thank you for reminding me of this.

  6. Member
    cowpoke06 127 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:07 pm

    Team asparagus!!!! :) It’s so funny because I’m reading your blog and I’m thinking to myself…yep, that’s definitely my mom. And then I kept reading and though yep, that’s my future husband (he’s playing Diablo 3 right now!!!)

    I get him to sit down with me sometimes to show him ideas I have. He looks and nods and says, “yeah, that’s cool.”

    Oh well, at least I pretty much get what I want but it would be nice if he was a little more involved. *shrug* Could be worse. Now if I could just have a conversation with my mom that wasn’t only about weddings, that’d be great!

  7. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:17 pm

    Your mom sounds awesome. My parents drove from PA to NC last weekend to do wedding stuff. That’s love.

  8. Member
    MaggieL 494 posts, Helper bee @ 6:50 pm

    HAHA! I just read the statement about being more interested in Diablo III to my fiance…and he replied with “well of COURSE i’m more interested in Diablo III.” Oh boys.

    And…team asparagus (and team penne). :)

    But your mom sounds amazing…mine has also been incredibly involved (though it’s actually my dad that has been more so in the little details). And while it can be somewhat annoying- also completely awesome.

  9. Member
    Ocean 350 posts, Helper bee @ 7:25 pm

    Asparagus! Go mom! ;-)

  10. Member
    archer 551 posts, Busy bee @ 10:40 pm

    story of my goddamn life. my momma, bless her heart, is certififiable, and that has only ramped up with wedding planning.

    i vote zucchini- beacuse asparagus gets gross and limp phen its not fresh-cooked.

  11. Member
    Miarose 78 posts, Worker bee @ 11:32 pm

    I vote team asparagus too! But I like both! ><
    It’s funny reading the Diablo complaints. It’s the other way around in my house. I’m doing a bulk of the wedding stuff, and i’m like “back off, im playing diablo killin’ monsters, go away and come back later when Ill still be killin monsters’
    :)

  12. Member
    clumsylawyer 1351 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:35 pm

    I don’t have Mumzilla at the moment, but I’m anticipating it! She’s constantly asking me about my hair. She knows I couldn’t care less about my hair and that I haven’t even bought my dress yet! I’m leaving it completely up to her and my hairdresser to decide what to do with it – it’s just simpler.

  13. Member
    bumblepup 220 posts, Helper bee @ 3:37 am

    My mom is the same way – bitten by the WIC bug. It’s okay, though.

    Also, so happy to see the APW link/reference here. I’m a big fan.

  14. Member
    msfairy 976 posts, Busy bee @ 5:28 am

    That’s too funny!! We’ve been lucky that both sides of our family have been supportive but haven’t offered too many opinions. And even though I’ve done most of the planning Fiance helps and takes interest in the strangest things (like colors, presentation of items, etc.) and PS – I’d be happy with either asparagus OR zucchini!

  15. Member
    alicia1745 1118 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:54 am

    Team asparagus!
    I think it’s cute that your mom is so involved and enjoying herself. You’re a good daughter for realizing that some of the details don’t matter to you and letting her make so many decisions.

  16. Member
    Mrs. Dragon 814 posts, Busy bee @ 6:15 am

    Heh! Team zucchini! :) My mom is excited about the wedding and has lots of ideas but she’s mainly just going nuts on her yard right now, getting it ready to host the big party.

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    Stefanie, Guest @ 7:22 am

    A good one for the aparagus/zucchini debate: If any of the guests plan on some Bow Chicka Wow Wow after the wedding aparagus is going to make thier private area not so pleasant. I would make my decision to serve zucchini on that alone. ;)

  18. Member
    alphagam84 281 posts, Helper bee @ 7:27 am

    This post makes me laugh. My mom is kind of like your mom-I wanted a chalkboard listing the menu and she wanted menus at every place setting to make them fancy-so she made all these crazy fancy menus. She also took it upon herself to make bathroom baskets, some crazy homemade hand polish/scrub to put in the bathrooms and is making 700 (!) cookies for a 85 person wedding. I keep telling her it’s too much but she is insisting….

  19. Member
    ashNstoliNmike 76 posts, Worker bee @ 8:32 am

    My mother is a complete MomZILLA!!! she has to be in control of the whole wedding and everything she wants she is getting. First it was we had to get married in the church (not what I wanted), then it had to be in a hotel (not what I wanted) then black tie optional (not what I wanted). Then we are having a band (not what I wanted) We really didn’t get to pick much besides colors and the theme and the little touches. It going so far that she is saying she should be inviting all of her co workers I have never met and that I should not be inviting mine. She said since she is paying it is more important for her friends to be invited….WHAT??? I said do you remember who this day is about??? We joke saying this is my mothers wedding. I sometimes wish we had run off to vegas because this is getting way to ridiculous for me!

  20. Member
    futuremrscpt 955 posts, Busy bee @ 8:56 am

    I just have to throw in a vote for team zucchini here! :) Of course I’m not going to your wedding so my vote doesn’t matter ;)

  21. Member
    potion 223 posts, Helper bee @ 8:59 am

    I don’t have a Momzilla, per se. She definitely has her opinions, but she also knows when to say “you know what? it’s your day.”

    However…I have a FMILzilla. Is that a word? It is now. We just spent a week with both moms getting wedding stuff done and she has SO many opinions, especially on flowers, and EVERYTHING I say is “wrong” and is met with a headshake or scowl >.<

  22. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 9:30 am

    I love how you write. I can feel your pain and laugh along with you at the same time. 1. Totes Team Zucchini. 2. My FI is also more interested in Diablo 3 (and Starcraft. . .and COD. . .and Skyrim. . .) than wedding activities and I totally do the ‘wave in front of face for approval’ thing, too. It’s just how it is, he requests it. “Just have sit downs with me every once in a while and keep me posted and we can talk about big decisions as they come up.” BUT EVERYTHING IS A BIG DECISION!!! I kid. . .sort of ;) 3. I love that entire conversation with your Mom. Hilarious.

  23. Member
    KYbride86 307 posts, Helper bee @ 9:47 am

    Haha, this was hilarious! Your mom sounds so sweet — and it least it sounds like she’s the funny, sweet kind of overinvolved and not the mean, judgy kind.

    My mom has been really great about everything, but I have a friendzilla. She’s super sweet but is just nuts! She loves weddings and is really excited to help plan one because she doesn’t have any sisters. She sent my sister (my MOH) a three-page email about ideas for the bachelorette party, including what color outfits they should all wear so I “stand out.” I had no words…

  24. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:59 am

    Team zucchini! hahaha My mom is on the opposite end of the spectrum, but my future mother-in-law is like your mom. Fortunately, we’ve been able to keep her momzilla tendencies under wraps for the most part.

  25. Member
    FutureMrsKamilDark 303 posts, Helper bee @ 10:05 am

    Most definitely team asparagus! I’ve never liked zucchini. Sorry. However, I don’t deal with a momzilla either. My mom couldn’t be less interested in our wedding. She’s happy that we’re together and that we’re getting married, but she wants us to do whatever makes us happy. I guess I got lucky.

  26. Member
    bridesmomma 450 posts, Helper bee @ 10:16 am

    Ha ha, loved your post! This could have totally been written about me! ;-)

  27. Member
    gonnabeMrsHH 466 posts, Helper bee @ 12:08 pm

    LOL…great post…really laughed out loud :)

  28. Member
    cicijapan 263 posts, Helper bee @ 6:24 pm

    Great post! My mom can be a bit of a control freak too. Also, team asparagus !

  29. Member
    MrsKeAloha 1044 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:39 am

    I had a groomzilla… The whole weekend.. And a soon to be sister in law being horrible. Oh the heartache… And a bridesmaid who thought it was funny she was trash talking me and drunk throughout every event.
    At least your mother is filled with love for you. The two women causing grief were all about themselves. Including snubbing my family. Thankfully my father in law and brother in laws and nieces and nephews know how to go above and beyond.. My new husband too.

  30. Member
    MrsKeAloha 1044 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:40 am

    Oops meant groom mamazilla. My groom is wonderful

  31. Member
    mink 2178 posts, Buzzing bee @ 9:53 am

    Aw, I’m kind of jealous! My mother is almost 70 and while she’s still pretty spry, she lives 6.5 hours away (8 if she’s driving) and wasn’t very involved by today’s standards.

  32. Guest Icon Guest
    Nicole, Guest @ 10:26 am

    Ok, so I think I have QUEEN momzilla on my hands….unfortunatley she wanted to be SO involved that I finally put my foot down and now the whole wedding has halted and I haven’t spoken to her in 5 months, and my fiance and I are struggling to envision and make a wedding happen on our own, especially in this economy. She is 52, menopausal, wanting it to be HER wedding and I am completly at a loss for what to do. I am one of many granchildren, but my fiance is the only one on his side and I don’t want his family to miss out of a traditional wedding. Do I just call her and deal wiht the momzilla to get through it or stand my ground? How can I reconnect and make this work? HELP!

  33. Member
    Miss Pez 267 posts, Helper bee @ 12:16 pm

    Love this! I once told my mom that I was going to Elope (havent yet) and she threw a temper tantrum! SHe said, ” You are not about to rob me of throwing my baby girl a wedding.” I said mom, I understand but I am paying for everything, please relax. Tehe. Gotta love our moms!

    Btw, I am team for either Asparagus or Zuchinni. Preferably grilled. Bot baked. Not fried. But grilled to give it that crispy crunchy texture. In case you are wondering. Haha.

  34. Guest Icon Guest
    September bride, Guest @ 6:19 pm

    My mom wanted to sit in the second row at the church but she also doesn’t want anyone sitting in the first row… becausd that is for the mother of the bride and groom

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