Ms. vs. Mrs.

I haven’t talked at all about name changes with you girls, because I’m not doing it. Fiancee Eagle and I have incredibly similar last names (hint: they both end in “son”), so we won’t be hyphenating. We decided fairly early on in our engagement that she would take my last name, as her name doesn’t really matter for her job as much as mine does. I’m really excited about her taking my last name: I’m excited we have that option (very easy to change your last name in Canada – even in a heterosexual marriage the man can change his name to the wife’s very easily), excited that we’ll be linked even more that way… and excited that she so badly wanted to take my name. It makes me feel pretty butch. Yes, that’s right: I feel butch as I sit here in my yellow sundress and full face of makeup. I’m so not butch; but I can pretend.

With that being said, Fiancee Eagle really wants to be “Mrs. Wife Eagle.” She wants to be addressed as a Mrs. She always cutely says we’ll be “Dr. and Mrs. Eagle” (although I won’t be a doctor for four to five more years). I like the way that “Mrs.” distinguishes a female as being married. But…Mrs. is the possessive form of Mr. As in Mrs. means the Mr. owns her.

We have no Mr.

So where does that leave us? Ms. “Ms.” is such a PC term. I know that etiquette states that if a woman doesn’t change her name then she should go by Ms. (after all, even some married bloggers here like Ms. Gazelle who didn’t change their names go by Ms.). Most etiquette sites don’t include same-sex wedding/name etiquette, but the ones that do unequivocally state that married lesbian couples with the same last name should be addressed as “Ms.” I searched and searched and searched and found one site that states lesbians with different last names can be called Mrs. This is hard y’all. Etiquette sucks.

I really like the thought of calling Fiancee Eagle “the Mrs.” (e.g., “Oh, I’m just going home. It’ll just be me and the Mrs. tonight!”). I mean, after all, we’re going to be married, she will be my wife, and why can’t I call her the Mrs.? I like the way it sounds, and I know that Fiancee Eagle is excited about it. Who cares if it’s not “technically correct,” as we have no Mr.? I think it’s almost an interesting point that may get people/colleagues to ask if they weren’t sure about the relationship, which would allow a more thorough explanation of “No, my WIFE…” I’m a big proponent of being out to people and being open about your relationship, because it is harder for people to support gay marriage if they don’t know anyone who is gay and/or married. I know that being so blatantly out isn’t a possibility for a lot of Americans where it is still legal to fire someone for being gay, but we’re pretty lucky up here in Canada with all of our anti-discrimination laws and such.

So, we have both decided that we’ll go by Mrs. I know Fiancee Eagle will correct people if they call her Ms. I don’t suspect that I’ll use my “Dr.” title socially (but I’m sure other people will) once I get it—so I think we’ll forever be Mrs. & Mrs. Eagle. (Although I think I’ll refer to her as Wife Eagle on Weddingbee so no one gets confused!)

What are your opinions on a lesbian couple both going by Mrs.? Are you changing your last name?


Mrs. Eagle

Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Wedding Date:
August 2012
Made in the Shade: Walking to the Altar
Finding a Florist: Part 2
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  1. Member
    MrsPeachMartini 679 posts, Busy bee @ 5:56 am

    I love it! you will be wife and wife- so it’s great to be Mrs. and Mrs!! :)

  2. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:43 am

    I think Mrs. and Mrs. makes the most sense anyway, etiquette be damned! Traditional “etiquette” doesn’t have a place in most of modern society anymore, in my opinion, so do what fits you!

  3. Member
    FloretteLiz 2007 posts, Buzzing bee @ 9:22 am

    @Miss Eagle: As of 2011 I think 29 states still allowed people to be fired due to sexual orientation. I think some employers may be able to get away with it more easily in states where they don’t have to give a reason for firing you. Where I live your employer does not have to give an explanation unless they want to or the work place guidelines require it.

  4. Member
    steph01924 308 posts, Helper bee @ 11:45 am

    I think Mrs. and Mrs. sounds great! Screw any strange etiquette and do what’s best for you!

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    Hammock, Guest @ 3:21 pm

    I think that Mrs. is fine for those of us who like it. Anyway, when you say it out loud it’s Missus, which sounds much more like Ms’s than Mr’s, so maybe it’s even more applicable to you two than it is to the rest of us! Anyway, like Wiz said, nobody really follows those rules anymore so do what you feel like.

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