I haven’t talked at all about name changes with you girls, because I’m not doing it. Fiancee Eagle and I have incredibly similar last names (hint: they both end in “son”), so we won’t be hyphenating. We decided fairly early on in our engagement that she would take my last name, as her name doesn’t really matter for her job as much as mine does. I’m really excited about her taking my last name: I’m excited we have that option (very easy to change your last name in Canada – even in a heterosexual marriage the man can change his name to the wife’s very easily), excited that we’ll be linked even more that way… and excited that she so badly wanted to take my name. It makes me feel pretty butch. Yes, that’s right: I feel butch as I sit here in my yellow sundress and full face of makeup. I’m so not butch; but I can pretend.
With that being said, Fiancee Eagle really wants to be “Mrs. Wife Eagle.” She wants to be addressed as a Mrs. She always cutely says we’ll be “Dr. and Mrs. Eagle” (although I won’t be a doctor for four to five more years). I like the way that “Mrs.” distinguishes a female as being married. But…Mrs. is the possessive form of Mr. As in Mrs. means the Mr. owns her.
We have no Mr.
So where does that leave us? Ms. “Ms.” is such a PC term. I know that etiquette states that if a woman doesn’t change her name then she should go by Ms. (after all, even some married bloggers here like Ms. Gazelle who didn’t change their names go by Ms.). Most etiquette sites don’t include same-sex wedding/name etiquette, but the ones that do unequivocally state that married lesbian couples with the same last name should be addressed as “Ms.” I searched and searched and searched and found one site that states lesbians with different last names can be called Mrs. This is hard y’all. Etiquette sucks.
I really like the thought of calling Fiancee Eagle “the Mrs.” (e.g., “Oh, I’m just going home. It’ll just be me and the Mrs. tonight!”). I mean, after all, we’re going to be married, she will be my wife, and why can’t I call her the Mrs.? I like the way it sounds, and I know that Fiancee Eagle is excited about it. Who cares if it’s not “technically correct,” as we have no Mr.? I think it’s almost an interesting point that may get people/colleagues to ask if they weren’t sure about the relationship, which would allow a more thorough explanation of “No, my WIFE…” I’m a big proponent of being out to people and being open about your relationship, because it is harder for people to support gay marriage if they don’t know anyone who is gay and/or married. I know that being so blatantly out isn’t a possibility for a lot of Americans where it is still legal to fire someone for being gay, but we’re pretty lucky up here in Canada with all of our anti-discrimination laws and such.
So, we have both decided that we’ll go by Mrs. I know Fiancee Eagle will correct people if they call her Ms. I don’t suspect that I’ll use my “Dr.” title socially (but I’m sure other people will) once I get it—so I think we’ll forever be Mrs. & Mrs. Eagle. (Although I think I’ll refer to her as Wife Eagle on Weddingbee so no one gets confused!)
What are your opinions on a lesbian couple both going by Mrs.? Are you changing your last name?
- Calgary, Alberta, Canada
- Medical Sciences Graduate Student / Science Instructor
- Wedding Date:
- August 2012
- Historic Lougheed House