Previously, on Miss Potion’s blog:
As I’ve mentioned before, Pre-Cana involves not only a formal class taken with many other couples throughout the diocese, but also some one-on-one time with the priest marrying you. Some of that time is spent doing wedding-planning things like choosing readings and hymns, but that doesn’t come until the end. First, you have to do some preparation for the marriage. In many dioceses, this means taking a test like the FOCUS survey to pinpoint topics where you either disagree or just haven’t discussed yet, and having a series of follow-up meetings to talk about those areas. Since it’s not very convenient to meet with Fr. Ninja on a regular basis, as he’s lived at the other end of the state for most of our engagement, he paired us up with his sister and her husband to do the FOCUS follow-up discussions, as well as some little exercises to encourage conversation on mindsets for a healthy marriage. They live in the area and do marriage prep with couples at their parish, so this was actually very convenient for all of us!
Our last meeting was a short one, but we covered a topic that I think is an important one—annoying each other.
The exercise had us sitting on opposite ends of the sofa with a note card and pen, and we were given a few minutes to write down three things about the other person that we find annoying.
“Only three?” I quipped, earning me a stuck-out tongue from Mr. Potion.
Actually, though, it took us both a while to complete a list of three. I thought of the question as, “In what instances do I find myself thinking, ‘Gosh, that’s annoying!’?” and he thought of the question as, “What habits does Miss Potion have that annoy me?” This might sound like the same question, but they’re actually slightly different. (That’s one of the things I love about us—we think about things in different ways, which makes us a good problem-solving team!) When we were finally finished, we took turns sharing the things we wrote down. What I thought was interesting was that we each prefaced our explanation with, “Now, I understand why you do this, and most of the time it’s not a big deal, but sometimes, it gets annoying”—acknowledging that most of the time, if one of us is frustrated with the other, it has just as much to do with the mood we’re in or our attitude that day as the annoying thing the other person is doing. We also both acknowledged each time that we were aware of that particular quirk in ourselves and are working on fixing it. (SPOILER ALERT: We passed this test with flying colors. Not that it’s a test, or graded in any way…)
Sometimes, Mr. Potion doesn’t know when to let a joke die.
I’m just sayin’. / Image via All Story
Most of the time, if I get annoyed with Mr. Potion for telling the same joke/repeating the same funny phrase/pulling the same “prank” a million times, it’s because I’m just not in a good-humored mood, and it’s not (entirely) his fault. And honestly, the only time this really, really bothers me is if the “joke” is him mocking me for something stupid I said or did. I should be used to that kind of teasing, as I spent most of my life with my family, where you’d better not quote something wrong or it’ll be the only thing anybody ever says to you for the rest of your life, but, sometimes, if I’m in just the right emotional state, this kind of teasing can hurt, coming from Mr. Potion—the man who is supposed to make me always feel positive about myself. But he’s really been working on noticing if his humor is being received well, and lately he’s been leaving those poor dead horses alone.
Miss Potion is rather bossy sometimes all of the time.
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I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas! / Image via Canstralian
…guilty as charged. I can get rather annoying in my tendency to tell other people what to do, including Mr. Potion, and it’s something I’m honestly trying to work on in my life overall, not just in our relationship. I’ve sort of always lived by the mantra “If you want something done right, do it yourself,” but sometimes it’s necessary to let other people do things—in which cases, I tell them how to do it! 
Mr. Potion acknowledged that I am getting better at asking him to do things instead of outright telling him, and at holding my tongue when I have opinions on what he’s doing, unless he asks for help. It’s a work in progress, but I’m getting there!
Mr. Potion sometimes doesn’t understand the concept of personal space.
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Image via cheezburger.com
I know what you’re thinking—if this really annoys me now, it’s only going to get worse, because in marriage there’s no such thing as personal space! But honestly this isn’t that annoying—remember, I was having a hard time coming up with things to write down! Sometimes, though, Mr. Potion will want to snuggle on the couch while watching Law and Order while I’d really rather have some space to myself, or (more frustratingly) he’ll try to be sweet and put his arms around me or kiss my neck while I’m trying to cook—most of the time that’s really sweet and I like it, but you probably shouldn’t touch me while I’ve got a huge knife in my hand, dude.
Miss Potion nags Mr. Potion like a professional sitcom wife/mother.
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Accurate representation of us / Image via Sitcoms Online
I know I know I know I know I know! Urgh! I am making an honest effort here—I’m at the point where if I say something nagging, I immediately regret it and wish I could unsay it. The next step is to actually stop saying these things. Mr. Potion says this is really only annoying some of the time—most of the time he thinks my maternal nature is adorable. I’ve always always always been the mom type. At the summer camp when we met, I was nicknamed the “Team Mom” of our group. Some of the guys even chipped in some money to buy me a shirt from the college where the camp was held that said “MOM” in big letters, like the kind an actual mom of a college student might wear to football games. My need to take care of people gets kind of ridiculous sometimes. Take a recent example:
Scene: Mr. Potion has a sore throat and has been sucking on cough drops while we sit on the couch watching a movie. He decides to shift positions and lays down with his head in my lap so I can play with his hair until the movie is over.
Miss Potion: Do you have a cough drop in your mouth?
Mr. Potion: No, I finished it.
Miss Potion: OK, good, we’re on the same page.
Mr. Potion: (bewildered) What page?
Miss Potion: Well, if you were still sucking on a cough drop, I was going to tell you to sit up until you’d finished it—you shouldn’t lie down with something in your mouth. You might choke on it.
Mr. Potion: So what you’re saying is, it’s good that I don’t have a cough drop in my mouth anymore because you had a lecture planned, which you gave anyway?
Miss Potion: (sheepishly) Um…yes.
I swear I mean well!
To be honest, I don’t remember what our third things were—but on each list, all three were slightly similar. Basically, Mr. Potion is only annoying when he’s doing something he thinks is funny and I think is not-so-funny, and I’m only annoying when I’m nagging the hell out of him.
The point of the exercise was not really to point out flaws in the other person or even to acknowledge flaws within ourselves—the point was to realize that when you get married, things don’t necessarily change. Yes, your relationship is different when you’re married compared to when you’re not (no matter what other people might say) and, yes, people grow and change over time, but for the most part, if there is something about your future spouse that pisses you off to no end and you think you can make it go away once you marry them…you can’t. If any of the annoyances on our list were things we just absolutely don’t think we can live with, then perhaps the answer is simply: Don’t get married.
(Don’t worry, we can definitely live with these minor annoyances. Mr. Potion’s sense of humor is what first attracted me to him—that and his ridiculous good looks—and he seems to think my nagging nature will make me a good mom one day. But I’m working on it, I swear!)
So, hive, fess up—does your SO do anything that annoys you? Are you aware of your own habits that your SO finds annoying?
Um, I think you and I are twins, because I boss and nag and it drives FI crazy as well. I’m also working on it. The things he does that drive me crazy include not turning off lights that aren’t being used, leaving shoes where I’ll trip over them (I’m a klutz), and putting dirty dishes in the sink to pile up instead of putting them directly into the dishwasher… he’s working on those, too!
I need a good laugh and now i did!!!!! Thank you so much, Miss Potion, you’re amazing 
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Actually, i think this pre-marital courses/surveys/discussions groups are great. I am not catholic so we didn’t have them but honestly it’s a good test !
I love this post! We had to do a similar “things you admire” and “things you dislike” about your partner during our marriage prep, and while I don’t remember any of the things we mentioned about each other, it was a good exercise. I usually don’t get annoyed too often though, thank goodness!
My biggest annoyance with DH is that he doesn’t put his dirty clothes in the hamper. He either leaves them right next to the shower where he took them off or puts them on the floor right next to the hamper!
I guess if that’s the worst of it… we’re doing ok but geeze it’s really annoying!
If my fiance and I did that same exercise I can guarantee he would say that I’m bossy as well. I’m not much of a team worker. I like to work alone because I like things my way. I never tell him he should do something, I ask him. In his mind, that’s me telling him. Sometimes when I try to hold my tongue while watching him do something, he knows what I want to say. He knows me too well.
Mr. P annoys me in a lot of ways, but marriage has really taught me to pick my battles, even though that doesn’t always happen It’s good that you talk about this beforehand and can begin to work on it together!
I’m sure SO annoys me in some ways … but, I can’t think of any at the moment. And, regardless, he’s such an amazing man, I can’t imagine those pesky little things getting in the way of our relationship. But, it’s great that you got an opportunity to take about this and figure out how to work together to make these annoyances a non-issue.
I found this part of our premarriage course useful too. Where we honestly talk about things that cause fights! I find that it really helps us realise why we get annoyed at each other which snowballs!
My fiance does a lot of things that are annoying (like he’s the loudest chewer in the world!!!), but I’m like you – it really only bothers me when I’m in a mood. If I’m normal, I either don’t notice it, or I can easily shrug it off. Sometimes I even find it endearing, but other days I want to pinch his nose until he has to spit his food out to breathe. Thankfully those days aren’t too frequent.
huh i dont know why these pic arent loading up. it makes the post that much better. and honestly both of us knew what the other was going to say, which is good as we already knew our own faults
Mrs. Potion, Herndon, VA Age and Occupation: 23, IT Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Sales Engagement Date: November 26, 2011 Wedding Date: November 2012 Venue: St. John’s Catholic Church / SpringHouse, Alexander City, AL About Me: We are two complete and total geeks that met at engineering camp, of all places, and after several years of being in love long-distance, we’re finally at the beginning of a lifetime together. We’re working with a modest budget to plan a long-distance wedding full of handmade details, Harry Potter references, and, most importantly, lots of love. I could spend an entire afternoon watching Food Network while shopping for shoes online, while he’d prefer to pwn some n00bs on Halo while blasting Deadmau5 on his stereo. I taught him how to swing dance and he taught me to appreciate Tolkien; he introduced me to LOST and I introduced him to the BBC’s Sherlock. I’m a Gryffindor, he’s a Ravenclaw, and we can spend hours discussing and debating the finer points of Rowling’s masterpiece. We’re so excited to be setting out on this adventure and I can’t wait to share all the details with you!
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