You’ve all heard of the phenomenon that is Bridezilla, right?? Tell me you’ve seen the TV show! It’s a train wreck of a show but a guilty pleasure I used to enjoy. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched it (I swear!). I remember that while some episodes are just plain sad, some are freaking hilarious. Some of the brides are batsh!t crazy, and others just seem to be surrounded by idiots. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but Mr. Sword and I have a favorite Bridezilla. It’s true, he watched a few by default back when we were first dating. (Sorry, hunny!)
To this day if we need a good laugh we quote this one episode of the show. The premise is a cute, petite, dark-haired girl’s mom does not have a dress to wear a mere three days before the wedding. The mom comes in ON THE MORNING OF, while the bride is getting ready, and displays the dress she has recently purchased. The daughter can’t help but shout (and this is my favorite part), “AHHHH, MOM, YOUR DRESS IS WHITE!! OHMIGOD MOM, YOUR DRESS IS WHITE!!! MAA-OM! OHMIGOD!!!” Thankfully, the daughter apologizes for her behavior and the mom ends up wearing said white dress and all is well in the end. BUT STILL. What MOB buys a white dress??
A Bridezilla is surely not the only type of bride! There are so many, in fact, that I decided to make a list. Where do you fit in? Are you a mixture of two? I can see bits of myself in every single one, and I don’t judge—to each bride her own!! I love all things bridal, even the crazies!
Wind-up Wendy: This is a girl who doesn’t care to plan. She pretends to like planning but does nothing for weeks and then when someone asks her about her wedding, she freaks out and realizes how behind she is, which causes her to wind up and get some work done! But once that momentum stops, she does nothing for a while until someone asks, and the process starts all over again…
Control-Freak Carmen: This bride does every little thing herself. She is sooo grateful and appreciative when help is offered, but that doesn’t mean she’ll take it. If you want something done right, you better do it yourself and that’s exactly what she does.
Naive Nelly: This bride-to-be is constantly walking around in a state of shock and wonder. She has no idea why the food has to cost that much or how she’ll ever afford a photographer. She can’t believe the tax they add to these events, and forget about tipping! Don’t be surprised if she refuses all social events leading up the big day. This girl’s motto is “Save, save, save!”
Sweatshop Susan: This lady is not only working her ass off but everyone around her’s ass too! She is calling in favors from every person she knows to help make her day special, and that includes her fourth cousins and ex-lovers. This bride is not afraid to ask, “Will you help with this or that?” She knows how to delegate and she knows exactly who is right for each role. Better buckle down, work fast, and pray she has a short engagement!
Yes Ma’am Yolanda: This bride is the one who loves to rely on others’ input. She wants to hear that, yes, she looks pretty in her veil, yes, that color goes with her linen choices, and, yes, it’s OK if the band plays that song for her first dance. You can disagree with her, but it might set her back for days, so just say “YES!”
Avant-Garde Anna: What is this bride even doing? We have no clue. But like many before her, this girl is having an offbeat wedding. She is breaking every rule and rewriting every tradition. There might be nothing recognizable at this wedding, but it will be memorable and unique, just the way she likes it!
Barbie Brenda: This bride is planning the most beautiful and elegant wedding you’ve ever seen…4,638 times before. She is taking note of beloved traditions and recreating her childhood dreams. To quote one of my favorite girls from TLC’s show, Four Weddings, when a bride is asked a question about the theme of her wedding she stares at them blankly and then responds with, “Ummm, a wedding has a theme. (Pause) It’s called a wedding!?!”
I’m going to say I’m a Control-Freak Carmen mixed with a Barbie Brenda, but who will probably end up more like Avant-Garde Anna and with some Naive Nelly thrown in.
I am sure there are some I’m missing. Any more ideas???