Speak My Language

“Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.”

—Fred Weasley, from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Mr. Potion and I…we kind of have our own language. And I don’t mean that we’ve studied linguistics and developed our own method of communication, complete with alphabet and grammatical rules and such. Nope, that was J.R.R. Tolkien, not us.

But we do have a whole bunch of words sprinkled throughout our everyday conversation that mean absolutely nothing to anybody else and something very specific to us—and this is outside of memespeak/internet language. I realized the full extent of this the other day when I got off the phone with Mr. Potion at work and was met with the confused stares of my coworkers.

And so, hive, I’m going to give you a crash course in how to speak Potion!

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Image via Meme Generator

berries (beh – rees) (n.) 1. The act of making fart noises by pressing one’s mouth against another person’s skin; 2. see also: a “raspberry”

ex. “If you give me berries again, I’m going to punch you in the face.”

Mr. Potion likes to tickle me because it makes me squeal loudly and flail about violently. I, on the other hand, don’t particularly enjoy it—hence the squealing and the flailing. He also occasionally likes to blow raspberries on my arm. Or stomach. Or cheek. Ew. Once, I was talking about what we should have for dessert after dinner, and I had a pint of strawberries in my fridge.

“Ooh—I want some berries!”

Big mistake.

“You want some berries, huh?”

And then the fart noises began. I have to be sure to avoid the word “berries” in conversation now, because it doesn’t mean fruit.

Image via That Miserable Bastard

boodergad (boo – dur – gad) (adj.) (n.) (v.) (adv.) Ambiguous curse word; could be used as any part of speech; often preceded by the word das

ex. “Urgh, this stupid freaking boodergad wireless router…”

Sooooo sometimes I talk too fast, and when I do, I screw up my words. Heh. For some reason, Mr. Potion was singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” and he got the lyrics wrong—he said “He knows if you’ve been good or bad.” So I rushed in to correct him—my favorite thing to do—only I tripped over my words, so what I said was, “No, it’s bood or gad—I mean. Urgh!” Once Mr. Potion was able to breathe properly after a healthy fit of laughter, he commented that it sounded like something an angry German guy might shout: “DAS BOODERGAD!” So now, if we find ourselves in a stressful situation and want to avoid cursing, this is one of the sillier words we throw out there instead of an actual expletive.

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Image via Univeristy of St. Thomas

face (fayss) (adj.) (n.) (v.) (adv.) f*ck

ex. “We’re never going to beat this level of Super Mario Bros. Wii! Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!”

This one started at the camp where we met. Cursing was against the rules, so Mr. Potion started the trend of using the word “face” in place of the F-word. Of course, this just led to us inventing circumstances to “curse” as often as possible. “Aw, face!” could be heard during much of our preparations for the various engineering challenges during the week. To be honest, we don’t use this one very often any more, but if either one of us sends a text with only the word FACE, we know they’re having a bad day.

Image via Quaker Oats

Gorilla Bars (gore – ih – luh bahrs) (n.) Quaker brand chewy granola bars

ex. “I’m running late, so I’ll have a Gorilla Bar for breakfast.”

Kids say the darnedest things, and this is one of them. When Mr. Potion was little, he misinterpreted his mom when she referred to these snacks as granola bars; he heard the word “gorilla” instead of “granola” and called them that until he learned how to read. The moment I heard this story, I thought it was the cutest thing EVER and have called these tasty treats Gorilla Bars (it’s a proper brand name, y’all) ever since.

ihop

Image via News Blaze

IHOPs (eye – hops) (n.) IHOP

ex. “After church on Sunday, let’s have IHOPs for breakfast!”

I have no idea why we pluralized the name of this restaurant, but we did. We never say “Let’s go to IHOP”; we say “Let’s eat IHOPs,” as if that’s the proper term for food one eats at an IHOP. We’re weird, in case you can’t tell.

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Image via Apparel News

Project Runaway (prah – jekt ruhn – uh – way) (n.) Project Runway

ex. “Can I call you back? I’m watching Project Runaway.

I love me some Heidi Klum. I got a sewing machine for my birthday last year and have used it for lots of small household projects, along with some Christmas presents, but so far the only clothing I’ve sewn was for my cousin’s Barbie. I do love to fantasize that one day I’ll be making my own super-chic clothes, and I love to live vicariously through the contestants on Project Runway and admire the immense creativity and insane amount of work required for that competition. And so, of course, if Mr. Potion is over at my place when I’m watching it, he has to sit down with me and watch. And after a couple of seasons of this forced viewing…he’s become a (reluctant) fan of the show! It got to the point where, last season, he actually knew the names of the three finalists, could identify the designer by their work, and agreed with me that Anya is SO overrated. (“I mean, she’s hot, but all those models are wearing the same thing—a sheet that barely covers their boobs.”) Still, in an effort to preserve his Man Card, he feels the need to tease me when I talk about the show, so he calls it Project Runaway…but the joke’s on him, because I call it that now, too!

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Photo by Food Freak / Image via 23

spood (spood) (n.) 1. food you eat with a spoon; 2. food

ex. “I just got off work—what should I have for spood?”

This one was actually Mr. Potion. I don’t remember the exact context, but the words “spoon” and “food” were coming out of his mouth at the same time and this is what happened. Originally, we defined “spood” to mean food you eat with a spoon, but it has since evolved into meaning just food in general. We often use it in place of the word “eat”; you don’t say “What do I want to eat?” you say “What do I want for spood?”

pancake

Image via Better Business Bureau

T&A Special (tee and ay spe – shull) (n.) An order at IHOP for an appetizer serving of mozzarella sticks and a short stack of pancakes.

ex. “I think I’m going to order a T&A Special!”

So first of all, this isn’t as dirty as it sounds—these are our initials. One time, we were at IHOP for dinner, and I was torn between what I wanted to eat. I wanted something fried and dinner-y, but then again we were at IHOP—I wanted some pancakes. Mr. Potion suggested I just go ahead and get both—so I did! Mozzarella sticks for an appetizer, a short stack of pancakes for the main course—and he did the same. AND IT WAS AWESOME. It has since become our go-to meal at IHOP, so we’ve nicknamed it the T&A Special—because the caveat is that we’re only allowed to order it if we’re together.

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Image via Wikipedia

Taco Hell (tah – koh hehl) (n.) Taco Bell

ex. “Let’s go get hungover food at Taco Hell.”

This is all Mr. Potion. I’m pretty sure it originated from the fact that sometimes, when one eats Taco Bell, one regrets it almost immediately.

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Image via Wikipedia

two-shoe (too – shoo) (v.) to urinate

ex. “I have to two-shoe; I drank too much wine.”

This one is really weird, but here we go. The majority of our relationship prior to getting engaged was long distance; after we met at camp, we were pen pals who spoke on the phone about once a month for three years, and then we officially dated from a distance for three years. This means that almost the entirety of our relationship occurred over the phone; we got very good at our communication skills. In the very beginning, we would spend hours—sometimes entire Saturdays—on the phone, talking about everything and nothing, never wanting to hang up. This was especially weird for Mr. Potion, who has always been rather introverted and never enjoyed talking on the phone with anyone. In fact, we’d be on the phone so long that if one or the other of us needed to use the bathroom, we’d just leave the phone for a few moments and then come back and continue. Only, as I’m a girl, I take a bit longer in the bathroom than he does, and one time he figured this might be too long to wait on a dead line.

He then proceeded to try to convince me to stay on the phone while I went to the bathroom. He pulled the “if you love me you’ll do it” line, which didn’t work. He tried bribing me with pretty things, which didn’t work. He told me he’d buy me a pair of shoes, which didn’t work.

“I’ll buy you TWO pairs of shoes!”

“…two pairs of shoes?”

“TWO PAIRS OF SHOES!”

So I continued our phone conversation while I went to the bathroom. It is the single weirdest thing I’ve ever done with a boyfriend in my entire life. We refer to it as the Two Shoe Challenge, and after that we’d say, “It’s time for a Two Shoe Challenge!” if either of us needed to excuse ourselves to the bathroom; this evolved into just the word two-shoe.

(For the record, I didn’t get the shoes. Instead, he bought me the Halloween costume I’d been eying when I said I didn’t want to spend money on a costume. Not the same as two pairs of shoes, but still totally worth it.)

Do you and your spouse have your own language? Do you have any inside jokes that pepper your everyday conversation?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Potion

Location:
Herndon, VA
Wedding Date:
November 2012
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comments

  1. Member
    elk 320 posts, Helper bee @ 3:57 pm

    hahaha I love this post! especially the gorilla bar thing, that is freaking adorable! Mr Elk and I like to make words into “Spanish”….aka we create our own version of the word that we pretend is Spanish even though its not. Which is weird to begin with, but even weirder when you honeymoon in a Spanish speaking country and have to keep reminding yourselves that tridado is not in fact the real Spanish word for tired.

  2. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:01 pm

    This is so great! I love your special language! But i have to say going to the bathroom while on the phone is something I have no problem doing with Mr. Sword, or in person for that matter, my desire for modesty has all but left me… :)

  3. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:02 pm

    @Mrs. Elk: that’s hilarious Mrs. Elk!

  4. Member
    MissAmethyst 260 posts, Helper bee @ 4:06 pm

    Hahaha my boyfriend and I definitely do this.

    Examples:

    Snarky – Sons of Anarchy (we got really into watching this show and got tired of saying “Sons of Anarchy” all the time and after rushing through saying the title so many times it became “Hey let’s watch some Snarky!” instead of “Hey let’s watch some “Sons of Anarchy!”

    Hmmmm…what else…oh!

    Fart pizza – culinary circle three meat pizza
    He looooves pizza and eats it almost everyday. So if I don’t want to cook real food for dinner I might say “hey do you want fart pizza or cpk (california pizza kitchen – pepperoni) for dinner? We had to come up with an easy way to distinguish it…and fart pizza got it’s name because…well…it makes him a farty mcfartson. : /

    We have lots of other ones too : ] people must be sooo confused when they listen to us.

  5. Member
    tayona 152 posts, Blushing bee @ 4:25 pm

    Our initials are T & A too!

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Clairebella, Guest @ 4:32 pm

    My family has it’s own language and TheMan has all but been adopted (I’ve been told not to come home without him and he has been told HE can come without me) and so we have picked up and adapted that language with our own midatlantic dialect:

    Family says: “I LOVE YOUR FACE!” reply “I LOVE YOUR BONES!”

    We say: “FACE!!” reply “BONES!” or “FACEBONES!! if you are in a hurry (like the Italians go ciaociaociao!)

  7. Member
    Miss-Mauverick 1414 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:38 pm

    We do this too! And we add in acronyms, short phrases, and specific “sounds”. Our kids think it’s hilarious and they join in regularly. It’s pretty awesome. I love the story behind “Two-Shoe”!

  8. Member
    tonejis 73 posts, Worker bee @ 4:42 pm

    whahahah this is awesome
    we have really weird words i don’t why i ended up calling him chicken ( in spanish pollo) and he calls me bunny ( Spanish coneja that later he change the c for a t so toneja)
    so if i miss him ill say i have pollitis ( make more sense in spanish but u get the idea )
    we have a tons of words like that
    so u are not alone =)

  9. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 4:42 pm

    This is hilarious.
    We have our own way of communication but it doesn’t sound like a languge, it’s a combo of signals and sounds we make. We spend hours ont he phone too since we are on a semi LDR and we have 3 phrases we keep repeating to each other when we ran out of things to talk about until we come up with a new subject.. we can spend an entire half-hour just saying “do then and that’s why”.

  10. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 4:44 pm

    @Mrs. Elk: That sounds fun to hear!

    @tonejis: Everyone calls Mr Toadstool pollo, I met him with than nickname and no one remembers how it started, so for our friends I’m the polla of course.

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    acciotoni, Guest @ 4:45 pm

    Oh gosh, I think every couple has to have their own type of language! Words seem to pop out of nowhere when you spend enough time with someone.

    My FH and I have many words, but mostly we have a special type of voice we use only with each other. It’s a weird mix of fake-spanish, fake-baby talk that makes it REALLY awkward if I’m walking around a store on the phone with him and accidentally slip into The Voice. Oy…

    Anyway, special words we have… hm…

    Fluffernuffin — any object in the world. originally it started with little fluffs of cotton blowing in the wind, but then it transformed.
    Ex: “Pick that fluffernuffin (aka piece of paper…penny… small child…) off the floor!”

    Cuba — belly button. I HATE when FH touches my belly button (especially when he sticks his finger in, UGH!!!), which he finds hilarious and tries to do as often as possible, so one day I compared it to Cuba because he was never allowed to enter it. The name stuck!

    Rhinoceros — “Seriously Stop!”. FH and I joke around constantly and sometimes we push each other too far. For some reason, saying “stop” doesn’t work anymore for either of us, so we came up with a code word (which our friends call our “safety word”… oy.) for when we’re actually getting annoyed by the jokes/pestering.

    Shpoople — claiming “shpoople” means that you are being completely honest. This one is along the same line as us saying “rhinoceros”. We joke around a lot and if we don’t believe something the other person is saying, we ask “Shpoople?” and if they can’t say it back then it means we weren’t telling the truth (this is very useful since FH loves to take advantage of my gullibility and if we didn’t have Shpoople I’d still believe that Elvis was alive ;) )

    What a funny post, I love that you started it! Can’t wait to see other posts haha

  12. Guest Icon Guest
    acciotoni, Guest @ 4:47 pm

    oh jeez, didn’t realize I’d written a novel! hahaha

  13. Member
    Mrs. Dragon 814 posts, Busy bee @ 4:48 pm

    Cute! We have a ton — but it all goes away when we’re in public. ;)

  14. Member
    FutureMrs.browneyes 1435 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:47 pm

    Oh I loveee these! So cute!!

  15. Member
    willynilly 3673 posts, Sugar bee @ 7:47 pm

    Shapoopie – pronounced Shaaaaapoopie. Used when one needs to …ahem…and also as a pet name.

    FACE. Can be used as a ‘hello no’, ‘I love you’, ‘pardon me’…basically anything.

    Meow – we meow at each other a lot and the meaning of it depends on the intonation.

    There are a ton more but those are the top three. :)

  16. Member
    potion 223 posts, Helper bee @ 7:50 pm

    yay I’m glad we’re not the only ones who do this!

    Hope you all enjoyed this silly little non-wedding-related post :)

  17. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:16 pm

    I’m glad we’re not the only ones. But we tend to meow at each other more than create new words. That might be a bit too weird, hahahaha.

  18. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:16 pm

    We also communicate by blinking. Sometimes, it’s scary that we’re thinking the exact same thing.

  19. Member
    mzjynxie 776 posts, Busy bee @ 9:57 pm

    We also meow, hiss, growl, snarl, glare, stare, etc..we can get pretty strange, but here are a couple of our “words”- WARNING- may be TMI:

    Arpay = Happy; Unforgivables = (Weird) Porn; Raccoon = Dark Eye Circles; Chipmunk = Large Cheeks; Unclean = Haven’t Showered Yet; Pig Guts = Marshmallows; Braving The Red Sea = Sex During Period(haven’t gotten to that yet); Taking The Dirt Road = Anal Sex; Daughter Guy = John Mayer; Researching = Googling; etc….

  20. Member
    mcdonald_515 93 posts, Worker bee @ 3:51 am

    Hahaha I love this post!

    I picked these two up from his family actually! I noticed they have a lot of sayings or words they use that seem almost made up!!

    For example “Blood of A” (usually said all together very fast (bloodofah) basically a curse word. Think if you hit your hand with a hammer insert word

    Another one they use is G of A same as above. You say it really fast all together GOFAH- Or “By the GOFAH!”I think it they both have a religious context =S but it was interesting hearing these words for the first time when FI first started dating. They have a few more but I can not think of them

  21. Member
    funnelcake 1171 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:39 am

    Haha… yeah we have a bunch too, some are a mix between German and English or Portuguese and some are just weird things one another says. Most are based on inside jokes or references to pop culture. A few:

    Snake= snack. Snack is used in both German and English, so DH thought it was really weird when he heard someone accidentally call a snack a “snake” in English and ever since we jokingly say “snake” instead.

    I say I’m “sleepy pants” in English when I’m tired. Or crazy pants, tired pants, whatever pants. In German I’ll tell Mr. FC I’m “schlafyhose” which is sort of a weird translation I made up.

    We saw some short about the terrible life of a masseuse for models, and now for jokes we say “Wait” with a thick Brazilian accent- “Wayytch. Bizzy. Waytch!”

  22. Member
    mononymous 23 posts, Newbee @ 8:05 am

    It’s the nerdiest thing ever, but we can hold entire conversations using only quotes from the show Home Movies. It especially works since one of the main characters on the show is named Melissa (which is also my name).

  23. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 12:40 pm

    This is such a cute post! We definitely have our own inside jokes, which have influenced the things we say to each other!

  24. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:50 pm

    Love this post!

  25. Member
    sunhat 1453 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:57 pm

    I am cracking up over this! Especially your boodergad. I did a similar thing when trying say that his cheeks were so pink (from being out in the cold) and it came out your pinks are cheek and we still use that phrase to this day! Great insight to another couple’s special language! Thanks so much for sharing.

  26. Member
    Fixin2BMrs.Awesome 361 posts, Helper bee @ 10:33 pm

    Awes! I love our little words/phrases! (Even if they require explanations!) One of the more recent is “Cake Boogers”. Example: When one has a stuffy nose we say that it is full of cake boogers. (He wasn’t very nice at our reception and I ended up with true-blue-all-the-way-up-there cake boogers… for days!) Sadly, our kids have picked up on this and have used the term. :o P

  27. Member
    priyathescientist 1514 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:46 am

    This is too cute. SO and I also have our own jargon …. and a slew of embarrassing nicknames for one another. But, who doesn’t have the latter?!

  28. Member
    dancindiva 130 posts, Blushing bee @ 12:23 pm

    Hysterical! FI and I definitely have snorts, grunts, giggles, impressions, words, and phrases that create an entire covert communication system. We could write a dictionary!

    We also meow at one another come to think of it. We’re both certifiable.

  29. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 1:46 pm

    I love this post! We definiately have our own language! Usually its a bunch of jibberish words like when we are annoyed but not angry we say “Isha, fusha, fuscia!” and some of the stuff we call each other is so not normal!!! But we know what we are saying so its all good!

  30. Member
    coyote 1564 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:44 pm

    This is HILARIOUS! Mr. Coyote and I definitely have our own language and have our own phrases that make absolutely NO sense to the people around us.

  31. Guest Icon Guest
    cirk, Guest @ 11:26 pm

    We do this too! Our bad habits include talking like LOLcats “I tired.” “I can has dilly bars for dinner?” “I go sleepy-sleep”. Our friends think we’re crazy.
    Also, one time we were waiting at a light in the car, and he wasn’t paying attention and the light switched. I tried to get out that he needed to start drivin and it came out as “Light car go!” So now, we used Light-car-go as the name of our cars. Like when we want to go anywhere. It’s like “Hon, I’m just light-car-going to the store”

  32. Guest Icon Guest
    cMguP, Guest @ 5:33 pm

    216405 533798The Spirit of the Lord is with them that fear him. 779657

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