“If You Were Gay, That’d Be OK.”

(Name that lyric from that song from that popular musical.)

I need to address something VERY important to me. I need to openly share my feelings in regard to this topic. I need to state that I believe ALL PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARRY WHOMEVER THEY DAMN WELL PLEASE. Love is the most beautiful, delicate, fascinating, special, soul-building emotion you can experience and it should be celebrated. Always celebrated.

Phew! That felt good. Thanks for listening to me, hive. I know that I am not alone in this sentiment. Bees before have shared similar feelings, and bees before me have shared how all love is not treated equal and how sad things can happen. But even though it was discussed before me and will be talked about after me, until everyone is given the same rights of legal marriage, we need to continue talking about it.

I also think it’s important that those of us who identify as both religious and pro-LGBT speak up even louder. I am one of those people, and because I don’t want to get into a huge political/religious rant right now because this isn’t the place for that,* I will stick to the reason this injustice pertains to my wedding.

In an effort of solidarity Mr. Sword and I are making a conscious effort to hire only those vendors that share our beliefs. Our aim is to hire only vendors who do not discriminate against working for same-sex couples and weddings. I’m happy to report so far so good with the vendors we’ve hired up to this point, and once it comes time to print our programs I want to include something in them about the universal awesomeness of all our vendors. :)

And because I have a huge obsession with quotes, I leave you with one:

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.”

—Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire, 1947

Are you recognizing anything in particular in your wedding? (I figure that is a safe question, but other positive comments welcome!)

*Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That said, could we all enter from a place of respect and grace when commenting here on the hive? Thank you kindly!

BLOGGER

Mrs. Sword

Location:
Chicago
Wedding Date:
March 2013
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comments

  1. Member
    mrsbordoni 276 posts, Helper bee @ 1:56 pm

    Here, here! I agree that no one should be denied the right to marry whom consents to marry them in return. =)

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    vanessa, Guest @ 1:57 pm

    word, sister!

  3. Member
    cafrinb 33 posts, Newbee @ 1:58 pm

    Avenue Q! Love that show!

  4. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:17 pm

    Yay Avenue Q! Man, I love that show. And yay marriage equality!

  5. Member
    RapunzelRapunzel 812 posts, Busy bee @ 2:17 pm

    1. I LOVE Avenue Q. LOVE IT. It’s my favorite musical.
    2. Preaching to the choir with me, girl ;) And thanks for saying it! I fully, completely agree. I actually really would love to make some sort of statement at my wedding…like have a bowl of white knots or something…but I have many VERY conservative relatives that are very close-minded, and I know their minds will never be changed–and I don’t want to start unneccessary drama at my wedding, especially because that drama would make our somewhat-closetedly-gay best man very uncomfortable.

  6. Member
    eagle 1552 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:17 pm

    Thanks for standing up for equality Miss S. Means a lot to all of us and especially me :)

  7. Member
    Mrs. Mouse 4918 posts, Honey bee @ 2:25 pm

    Nicely put. We had a reader read an excerpt from Plato’s Symposium as a nod to same-sex couples. I wish we had known about the white knots–that would’ve been a really cool way to acknowledge marriage inequality. Your vendor idea is a great one & I wish I would’ve thought of it!

  8. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 2:32 pm

    Very nice post, I cannot agree with you more :)

  9. Member
    scone 181 posts, Blushing bee @ 2:52 pm

    It indeed means so very much when many voices and perspectives stand up for equality! Thank you!

  10. Member
    scone 181 posts, Blushing bee @ 2:54 pm

    Ooooh, and our nod was ummm we are lesbians and had an excerpt from the Massachusetts Ruling included in our ceremony… ;)

  11. Member
    Bias 98 posts, Worker bee @ 2:54 pm

    I feel the same – after a long hiatus from religion, it became important to me to get married in a church. But my husband and I consciously chose to support same-sex marriage by selecting readings that were the most ambiguous as to sex and focused more on love and connection than anything else. That was our little ‘nod’ to all of our wonderful gay friends, past and present, saying that we support them whole-heartedly. :)

  12. Member
    wkbee 41 posts, Newbee @ 3:06 pm

    Great idea!

  13. Member
    WeddingWonder 33 posts, Newbee @ 3:51 pm

    I had never heard that Tennessee Williams quote before, love it.

  14. Member
    radishtime 316 posts, Helper bee @ 4:22 pm

    Awesome.

    I definitely want to include an acknowledgment that we stand for marriage equality and that FI and I look forward to the day when all couples will be able to share in the beautiful and meaningful institution of Marriage.

    Originally we were going to print a statement in our program, but we’ve since decided to forgo programs. Any other ideas for how we can make a statement?

    Also, I know some of my more conservative relatives might be offended, and as much as I dont think that that should scare me away from doing it, It is still a very real fear. How do the rest of you approach it?

  15. Member
    Elm tree 519 posts, Busy bee @ 5:05 pm

    I really really really wanted to have white knots at the reception for everyone to take. Sadly, FI’s family is composed mainly by the daughters of a pastor and are NOT going to share my beliefs. My family is fully composed of Roman Catholics who are not rude but will not share in my opinion. I can offer them but they will remain unused and both families will probably HATE it. I just can’t bring another bump into our day although my bff and bridesmaid will stand next to me being lesbian and all :)

  16. Member
    cannon 513 posts, Busy bee @ 5:19 pm

    @radishtime: You know, I think that although it is very sweet to put some sort of statement supporting gay rights in your program or do the white knots, a way you can make a bit of a bigger difference is to donate money or volunteer. It doesn’t have to be a big public display at your wedding to make a difference. Google around and see what they have in your area. I know in my area, we have gay/straight alliances that you can donate to, and there are also groups that provide housing and support to gay teenagers who have been kicked out of their homes that take donations of food, money and time.

  17. Member
    lovespaper 62 posts, Worker bee @ 5:47 pm

    I missed something. What are white knots and what do they represent?

  18. Member
    lovespaper 62 posts, Worker bee @ 5:53 pm

    Ok I googled it – love the concept. What a nice way to show solidarity with all loving couples.

  19. Member
    notbridey 720 posts, Busy bee @ 7:05 pm

    I want to do something to support marriage equality but am not sure what yet…the idea of a reading or the white knots are on my mind currently. Perhaps a tree near the ceremony site covered in teeny cute white knots.

  20. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:40 pm

    @Mrs. Eagle: hugs. :)

    Thanks everybody! The white knots are a great idea as well as donating money to your local community. SO happy to see all this openness here on the hive!

  21. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:16 pm

    Good on you for stating your beliefs! I think thats good of you!

  22. Member
    archer 551 posts, Busy bee @ 9:41 pm

    Preach, sister!! I agree one million percent. We’ll be having our officiant mention our feelings on marriage equality during the ceremony, as well as mentioning it in the program.

  23. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 10:43 am

    You said something I’ve been saying on Facebook for forever: “But even though it was discussed before me and will be talked about after me, until everyone is given the same rights of legal marriage, we need to continue talking about it.” Thank you so much for expressing that sentiment, you’re so right.

    We also had the vendor rule and all of our vendors are wonderfully supportive. Our photographers recently shot a same-sex wedding, actually. We’ll definitely be going the acknowledgement route on the Day Of, as well, in both our programs and the Ceremony text.

  24. Member
    Essa 124 posts, Blushing bee @ 11:16 am

    Being religious myself, I love that you said “I also think it’s important that those of us who identify as both religious and pro-LGBT speak up even louder. ”

    I totally agree! We had a big discussion in my young adults sunday school about this and it warms my heart to be around other Christians who are accepting and believe in marriage rights for all!

    Great post!!

  25. Member
    Lady Bape 25 posts, Newbee @ 11:25 am

    TOTALLY Agreed! We’ll have a number of gay and lesbian guests, and we decided not to go with a destination wedding partially because so many ‘destinations’ commonly used are so anti-gay. We’re both deeply religious (different religions) and also want to be strong LGBTQI allies, so we jumped at the chance of having a non-religious ceremony in a non-religious venue. There’s a rainbow archway not far from our ceremony where I’d love to make sure to get in a few pictures in it!

  26. Member
    RosaK 21 posts, Newbee @ 11:26 am

    Couldn’t agree more. Being a christian myself, I understand that others have decided that path is “wrong”. What I don’t understand is, more than anything, we are here to love everyone as thy neighbor and leave the judging to God. My favorite quote of all that I’ve seen floating around social network sites is “Claiming someone’s marriage is against your religion is like telling someone they can’t eat donuts because your’re on a diet.”

  27. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:13 pm

    @StephK527: Thanks girl! Sounds like you are incorporating a lot as well!
    @Essa: love this!!
    @Lady Bape: sounds beautiful!
    @RosaK: Seriously, such a good point.

  28. Member
    msfairy 976 posts, Busy bee @ 4:43 am

    What a great idea, I love that you did this! :)

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