With the wedding date fast approaching, I’ve been having quite a few wedding-related nightmares. I’m really not surprised at all; I always dream very vividly, so it makes sense that the stress of wedding planning has started influencing my dreams. I’ve woken up in a cold sweat on more than one occasion, shouting things like “OHMYGAWD THE RABBI GOT LOST!”
I know wedding nightmares are fairly common, but I figured you’d get a kick out of hearing what exactly is going on in my crazy head.
I’m in my wedding dress, getting ready to leave the house with my mother. We’re excitedly packing up a few last-minute items, when a police cruiser pulls up in front of our house, lights flashing. The officer looks very grim indeed as he comes walking down our driveway, and I get a horrible feeling that this has something to do with me.
Sure enough, the officer cuffs me. “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re under arrest.”
At this point, my mother is freaking out. “She’s going to her WEDDING, you idiot. Can’t you see she’s wearing a wedding dress???”
For whatever reason, I’m still calm and rational enough to ask the officer why he’s arresting me. And here’s where it gets a little ridiculous.
“You’re under arrest for failure to return a movie rental to Blockbuster. The movie in question is entitled Made of Honor.”
Cue instant panic. “But that was months ago!!! I tried to return it, but Blockbuster went out of business!! It wasn’t even a good movie. It’s not like I WANTED to keep it. You can’t arrest me for that. I’m getting MARRIED! Today! You can’t arrest me! There’s not even a Blockbuster for me to return the movie to!!!”
The officer is deaf to my pleas and shoves me in the back of the police cruiser. And I wake up.
I’m in my wedding dress, again. Mr. Unicorn and I are getting ready to walk down the aisle together, and I peek out the window at the guests being seated.
Out of the blue, some random chick appears. Mr. Unicorn chooses this moment to confess that he’s not going to marry me after all. I feel like I’ve just been punched in the stomach. I plead with him, ask him why, and threaten to kill the random chick where she stands before finally realizing that Mr. Unicorn is not going to budge on this. I look through the window again, and I see that everyone is waiting for us to make our grand entrance.
I decide that I have only one option. The show must go on. I need a replacement groom. One quick phone call, and my friend Rob appears out of nowhere. I try to squeeze him into Mr. Unicorn’s wedding outfit. I say “squeeze” because Rob is a foot and a half taller than Mr. Unicorn and twice as wide. Finally, I give up. We end up walking down the aisle together, but he’s completely naked except for a navy bow tie and a boutonniere. Needless to say, our guests are utterly shocked. And I wake up.
I’m in my wedding dress, again. This time, I know that all the guests have made it to the venue, and they are just waiting on me; I had to run some last-minute errand or something before the wedding.
I grab my bouquet and start walking to the venue. It’s not long, however, before I realize that I’m totally lost. I have no idea where I’m going, but I keep walking, hoping that I stumble into the venue by accident. I start panicking, knowing full well that everyone else is already at the venue. Just when I start to REALLY panic, I wake up.
How about you, hive? Have you had any wedding nightmares? Do you think they mean anything, or is it just an overactive mind dealing with pre-wedding stress?